Post # 1
I have decided to call off our wedding. We are more than likely staying together and working on things but I am not comfortable moving forward at this time (FI disagrees). Save the dates have gone out and we are about 5 months before the wedding.
Here’s my issue. In general, I am a very sensitive, emotional person. I cry very easily. This is a painful decision and I am afraid of discussing it with people because I don’t want to get emotional with acquaintances and co-workers. As I am sure you know, all anyone ever talks to you about when you are planning a wedding is the wedding. I anticipate having to say often, “We called it off.” I don’t want to provide an explanation and I don’t want a pity party as that will likely cause me to get emotional with people I don’t want to be emotional with.
Part of me wants to post on FB “we called it off leave me the hell alone” but of course I won’t do that.
So when people ask “how are the wedding plans coming” I plan to say “We decided it wasn’t the right time.”
Any other answers you can suggest to keep the prying at bay?
Post # 3
We postponed the wedding due to personal reasons..or family issues.. or financial issues?
Post # 4
@cantremember: I would just say something like “we decided to take a break from actively planning”. to me that is the truth but without implying you are having problems. the last thing I would want is people whispering about why things are “on hold”. saying you arent actively planning implies (to me anyway) that your relationship is still in tact but that you arent picking out center pieces at the moment and planning an actual wedding. Im sorry you are dealing with this. I too would have a hard time answering questions. But remember, above all else, you dont owe anyone any answers really so keep it simple and cut off the convo.
Post # 5
I’d write up a short, simple card to those people who have received a Save the Date. It doesn’t have to go into detail, just a short “Due to personal reasons, we have decided to put our wedding plans on hold for now.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation. If individual people ask about the wedding you can address them however you feel comfortable. Definitely let people know before they start making plans. If people pry just say “It was just a personal decision that made the most sense for both of us, I really don’t want to get into it.”
Post # 6
@stardustintheeyes: Thanks. I considered that but with the wedding being so close I am not sure it will fly.
Post # 7
@cantremember: what katyelle suggested really sounds like a nice polite but without sharing too much way to get the message across.
Post # 8
I would just say you’ve decided to postpone it for now. If anyone asks any more of what’s going on (and they shouldn’t, but probably will), just say you really aren’t ready to get married (or whatever is the reason) and no plans have been made as yet to reschedule. Its different to say your wedding’s been canceled than to say it’s being postponed, as one implies that you’re totally breaking off the relationship.
Post # 9
This is definitely a very personal and private issue, so I would hesitate to post it on facebook. If it were me, I would just send a simple postcard to people who received the save the date indicating that the wedding has been postponed.
Post # 10
I’d just keep saying generic things: “We wanted to take more time,” “We decided it wasn’t the right time,” “We’re putting things off for a little while.” Repeat this enough times and hopefully people will move on.
Post # 11
If I were in your shoes and people asked how the planning was coming, I’d say “We’ve had to push the date out, so we’re not currently planning anything.”
As for your save-the-date people, I guess I would send out something that says “Thank you for saving the date of August 18, 2012 for our wedding, but we have had to change our plans. We will send out updated information when it is available, but until then, we thank you for your love and support.”
ETA: I know it must really suck to have to do this at all. Here’s a cyber-hug from an empathiser! *HUG*
Post # 12
A girl I worked with once called off her wedding one week before the big day. I wasn’t invited, but she had been planning it pretty openly for over a year and talked about it all the time. She didn’t make an announcement on the coworker level (which also counts as acquaintence since we would occasionally go out for a drink or to lunch) but she had her close friends spread the word on her behalf. It was genius actually because it avoided awkward moments for everyone, not just her.
Of course everyone wanted to know why, but that was kept 100% top secret for the longest time. Eventually the story came out because she was living it – she had been cheating on her Fiance with another guy who she finally left him for. He was also in our industry, so it’s not like the secret could be kept for very long.
So no matter how you announce it, just be prepared for people to ask why. Make sure your responses are as upbeat as possible “It was the right choice for us, we’re relieved” since by nature most people don’t want to accept bad news because they want to think it will never happen to them.
Post # 13
@louisianablue: I was totally joking about the FB thing. I’ve never even posted about the wedding on FB. I just meant that it would be a one shot way to shut people up about it.
Post # 14
I really like what BrightGreen said. If someone told me that they had to push the date back and aren’t planning anything right now, I don’t think I would ask anythign further. And I think a quick note to the STD people would be good.
I would hesitate from posting anything on facebook and just let it go through word of mouth. By posting it, you are opening up the floodgate for people that would have otherwise not known anything to comment about it. Yes, people might gossip about it, but as long as it’s not to your face – let it roll off your back.
I hope everything works out for you. It can’t be fun to have to go through this. Hugs!
Post # 15
I’ll share with you what I wrote on Facebook. Mine was a bit long and drawn out only because I was answering questions that I know our families would have:
I would never usually post this on Facebook, but instead of answering the same question “how’s the wedding planning going” a thousand times and feel like I get punched in the gut, I’m just going announce it on here. James and I are STILL getting married, but it will only be an intimate ceremony between the two of us. I’m sorry if this disappoints anyone, but I have no control over it right now.We had money saved up but was then depleted due to personal circumstances. We were really looking forward to celebrating it with everyone. We figured it’d be best for us to go off to a destination, get married, and enjoy our honeymoon at that said place. We hope to have a bigger celebration down the road when we are able to pay for something as beautiful as it was supposed to be. Thank you and I’m sorry to have posted this on Facebook. It was time to let everyone know.
We are very much happy and excited to become husband and wife in 10 months. The marriage part is what is most important to us. We didn’t want to just hop on over to the JOP and go out to a restaurant to celebrate. The two of us deserve the absolute best after having a REALLY tough 2011. I am hoping that 2012 will bring us lots of joy and luck.