- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hello all, this is going to be a long one.
I met my fiance through mutual friends in late 2009, we share the same interests in music and books and have the same social circle. Things were good. I have always been the type to fall head over heels at the drop of the hat and before long love was in the air. He was 29 when we met, I was 21, he still lived at home with his parents in a bedroom which still looked the same a 16 year old boy’s, complete with Terminator posters on the ceiling. In November 2010 we moved in together, he pretty much railroaded me into it with hindsight as his parents were going on holiday for two weeks and he wanted to move out before they asked him to look after the dog. We moved in with nothing, literally sleeping on the floor of a bare room. I cried for two weeks straight, I thought we would spend time furnishing our home together but instead he hooked up his TV, put on some cartoons and I furnished the house with my mother.
We fell into roles very quickly, he with the TV constantly going, me cooking, cleaning, sorting bills and DIY. I was young and didn’t know any different. In 2011 he proposed and I said yes. As an only child of much older parents I have always sought security and to me marriage seemed to solidify my future, to give me something to hold on to when the inevitable happened and I was left alone. In 2012 we bought a house. There had always been cracks in our relationship, little niggling things, and the way he spoke to me as though I was and idiot or a child, the way he shouted at me if I failed to do as he asked unquestioningly, the way he pushed me around if I didn’t do things fast enough or walked in front of me and wouldn’t hold my hand. When we got the house things got worse, he put on weight, left beer bottles littered around the computer every night, stopped shaving, our sex life dwindled to a boring routine and I was left unsatisfied, in short he made me feel like a prostitute.
Things came to a head, I made some new friends, both guys, and in spending time with them realised just how wrong what I had at home was. They were gentlemen, kind and caring, we went out and had fun as a group and they shared my hobby. I started to spend more time with my friends than I did at home, driving for miles just for some good conversation. Then one of them confessed he had feeling for me, he knew I was unhappy and he knew I was engaged, he apologised profusely but felt that he had to tell me as my wedding date was drawing closer and then it would be too late. And I realised I felt the same way. We had so much in common and I felt more safe and relaxed than I had ever done before. I did not cheat and still have not taken things further than talking. I told my fiance things were not working and went to stay with my parents.
Last night I went back to the house and handed my fiance (I had taken the ring to give back to him) a letter detailing my feelings and my need to end this relationship and call of the wedding. What followed was a disasterous talk where he promised change, told me my worries were silly little things which were easily fixable and that if I had told him at the time he would have changed. I kept repeating that I did tell him but he made me doubt myself. He then tried to kiss me and told me we would start dating! This is not what I want but I was so distressed by this point I just walked out of the house like a zombie. I need this to be over, but when I am in the room with him all of my power and resolve goes and I go back to being frightened and feeling guilty. So I am reaching out to people I don’t know for clarity, help? Am I doing the right thing? Should I make it work? How the hell do you make someone realise it’s over?