Calling off my wedding. Am I going crazy?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It doesn’t sound to me like it can’t be made to work. He seems to have an idea where you, as his wife or GF, or FI, need to take care of him hand and foot. He likes to make you feel badly about your feelings.


The only way you can make him realize it’s over is by staying true to your word, not going back to a relationship with him, don’t sleep with him. Talk to him only when necessary, and keep it about splitting the items you share together.


I am assuming you are considered common law after living together so long, and owning a house together. Are both of your names on the deed to the house? You will need to get a lawyer to assist with splitting of the assets.


Post # 4
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You tell him, “No, we’re not dating. We’re over,” and leave.

Stop speaking to him, stop discussing your relationship with him. He made you feel like a lesser person, and you want to try and make things work out?

The only problem here was that it seems you didn’t express your unhappiness sooner, but it sounds to me like maybe you did and he didn’t listen. It sounds like he was borderline abusive to you. He didn’t treat you like an equal and you deserve more than that.
I think you’d just be better off leaving and starting anew.

And, by the way – take it very verrryyy slow with dating after you leave.
Give yourself some time to find yourself.
If that guy (or anyone else!) has real feelings for you, they can wait for you to be ready.

Post # 5
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nevermore:  It’s 100% obvious to an outsider that you are doing the right thing by leaving him. You’ve given more than enough reasons. Leave immediately and don’t look back. Bring a friend (not one of these guys) or your parents with you to get your stuff out. However I really hope you don’t jump straight into a relationship. Spend time alone for a bit. You were so young when you met that jerk.


You dodged a bullet and a lifetime of unhappiness.


Post # 6
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

First let me say, I’m so sorry that you wne through this with your FI. I think that you made the right decision when to decided that you wanted to end the relationship. A marraige is a lifetime committment and I think if you continue with  that relationship, you may be in for a lifetime of bitterness. It is very responsible to end reltionships that drain you emotionally and physically. DO NOT ignore the signs. Run, run as fast as you can.  I think the best way to show that you’ve ended the relationship is to give the ring back and MOVE OUT! Stick to your guns and go with your gut!

Post # 7
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nevermore:  It sounds like he is good at manipulating you.

@sept22insf:  +1

I agree that you need to bring someone along with you to give you strength and enbolden you. Please go gather your things and leave. Do not give him any hope of getting back together or he will use it against you. It is over. Time to go. If he pays for your cell phone, give it back. Give it all back so you don’t end up in small claims court as he tries to keep you in his life any way he can.

Please give us an update down the road.

Post # 8
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Nevermore:  Yelling at you, belitting you, neglecting you… these are not “little things”. A man who loves and respects you does not need to “just be told” not to do them. Even if he had groveled and cried and said he knew he was wrong, I still would say you shouldn’t take him back, but the fact that he acted like it was no big deal… HUGE problem. 

I know it’s hard to walk away from a relationship you’ve invested in. Normally I would frown on an engaged woman spending too much time alone with a single man, but I’m glad you did. You needed to see that you shouldn’t be treated the way your EX-FI treated you. 

You did the “nice” thing by writing the letter and giving it to him in person. Now have you dad and a couple other male relatives come with you to pack up your things when you FI isn’t home. Do not see him again. Do not answer his calls. Cut him off completely. He obviously used anger to try to control you and it worked for a long time. Don’t let him do it again. 

Post # 9
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CakeyP:  This. I went through this with my ex. He was emotionally abusive and sounded just like you described that guy. 

You broke up with him, and he’s arguing with you over it and telling you that he’ll change. He won’t. My ex did the same thing, and I told him no. I packed my stuff when he was at work and left (and he had the balls to try to get me to do the damned dishes before I left for good wtf). It was the best thing I’ve ever done. 

Post # 10
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Escape while you can – you’re doing the right thing.  Take your things and go – you deserve better 🙂

Post # 11
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Get out now, and don’t look back.  You are doing the right thing.  You deserve to be with someone who treats you like an equal.  You are young.  Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t treat you well.  Take some time to be by yourself, so you can trust your own feelings and get to know who you are.

Don’t go back to him.  Make it clear that it’s done.  Cut ties and stand firm.  You are stronger than you know!

Post # 12
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

told me my worries were silly little things which were easily fixable

He dismissed your feelings, things you have felt for a really long time. If they were easily fixable he would have realized how you felt a long time ago and made strides to fix it.

He sounds pretty worthless. He is telling you what he wants to hear so you stick aorund and keep cleaning up after him. You’re more like a mother than a girlfriend or wife.

You don’t need to explain anything more to him. I would just srat packing up your stuff (make sure to bring a friend with you–even better if you have a mutual friend) and leave. Change your number, don’t tell him where you are, and cut off all communication with him. If he doesn’t realize you’re serious about being done then he won’t be able to “easily fix” issues in your relationship because he obviously doesn’t listen very well.

Post # 13
1386 posts
Bumble bee

He moved out of his parents house because he didn’t want to watch their dog while they were away.  How do you think he would feel about watching children?  

Tell him it is over and move out.  Cut contact.  

Post # 14
8850 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

He sounds like an abusive ass! You did the right thing – now cut off ALL contact with him. No calls, texts, anything. Cut that shit out like a cancer. Every woman deserves a man who will worship and respect her.

Post # 15
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Nevermore:  You already know you need to leave so don’t allow him to make you consider staying. I also agree with PPs who said don’t rush into a new relationship…take your time….

@ANGELaaimt:  <—-what she said.

Post # 16
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m glad that you were able to realize on your own that you weren’t being treated right by your FI.  It’s never too late to start over and start living.  Be strong and cut him off for good, you don’t need him even if it will take awhile for the break-up to sink in.  Good luck!

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