Calling off wedding but not breaking up??

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

kortizi0:  I don’t think either of you should be in a rush to run down the isle. It sounds like the relationship needs some work, but definately worth investing in some couples counseling to learn how to “fight fair.” Why do you need to call off the engagement? You can be engaged with no set date.

Post # 3
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

kortizi0:  I would really have trouble believing he didn’t sleep with anyone else. Why on earth would he say that if it wasn’t true? I feel like him saying 5 girls makes it so strange. Additionally I’d find it hard to feel fully commited to someone who so easily backs out his proposals. I think you should take some time and figure things out seperately before deciding what to do next. Good luck. I hope you’re okay and everything works out one way or another. 

Post # 4
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

He cheated on you with three different women when you were pregnant with his own freaking child. If that ain’t enough to leave, I don’t know what is.

Post # 6
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It sounds like counseling might be a great way to sort this one out.  Spending your life together is a long time, you should start off feeling really excited about it… and for me I have always felt that going on-again off-again kills the excitement quickly!  From what you wrote (and the way he is communicating with you right now) I’m not sure it would be possible for you to feel secure with him…. so will you always be second guessing the idea of marriage with him?   (if so, I think you deserve a better relationship!)

Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

kortizi0:  I’d try counseling and go from there. His telling you that he cheated just to hurt you is really manipulative and cruel. Do you think it was just an empty comment? Or do you think there is something to it? Going to a relationship therapist might help him understand just how mean and damaging comments like that are. I wouldn’t stay with someone who continues to do that though. It is emotionally abusive. I sure wouldn’t stay if you think there is something to them.

I hate to ask this, but do you think he is looking for an out?

Post # 9
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

kortizi0:  It doesn’t sound like he is trying to make it easier to go then. It is not unheard of for people to say crappy things in the heat of the moment(I’m looking at you bridey77). Being open to change is half the battle. If he wants to try and work on things, I say go for it. You may end up a better couple for it. If things don’t work out, you’ll be able to say you did everything you could.

Keep us posted OP.

Post # 10
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

yikes. run girl run.

Post # 11
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

kortizi0:  I would separate, but still go to couples counseling. Sounds like he needs some time to grow up and not have the daily pressure of a relationship and family. See if you can find some independence for yourself. Go to Couples Counseling to work on having a better relationship. Then make him work at getting you back. Thats the only way you will trust that he wants to be with you. 

Post # 12
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Kiawah Island

Emotional abuser.  Run, don’t walk.

Post # 13
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

In my opinion it doesn’t sound like y’all want the same things… you said you’re not in a rush to walk down the aisle, but it doesn’t sound like that’s even in this guy’s future.  My question to you is, you said that y’all both said stuff you didn’t mean. Did you ever throw out that you cheated on him with x number of people. Probably not, because it’s not true.  I would really have a hard time believing that it wasn’t true, and he was just simply saying that out of anger. And like you said, regardless that is beyond disrespectful and any person would deserve better than to be talked to like that.  Sounds like you know the answer to this question without our opinions. I just don’t think he’s right for you.  Howeverrrr, you’re in the relationship and not us, you know the ends and outs of it, and you have to live with the decision. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I can’t help but say: this relationship sounds extremely immature. His comment about sleeping with other women is like something off of terrible reality television. Sure, counseling would improve things. But honestly? Maybe it’s time for you to call it quits and focus on yourself and your daughter. In the future, maybe you can find a relationship with someone on a slightly different level. That guy doesn’t sound worth the effort.

Post # 15
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

I think you had posted previously that your fiance has addiction issues. I think this combined with the substance abuse is more than enough to call it quits. He isn’t in a place to make a life with ANYONE right now. He needs to get to a healthy place and keep sober for awhile before you two should consider getting married.

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