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Hey married bees....
I was wondering, during your planning process what is the one thing that if you could go back, would change or would not stress too much about it. I'm getting married next year and already I'm stressing about the seating portion of the planning. erghh.. Advice would be welcome! Thanks in advance.
I probably wouldn't have fought with my mother and MIL about 90% of the things I did. At the time they seemed SOO important, but looking back, they didn't make any difference. In hindsight, I would rather have limited the stress and bickering and given in immediately than fought for things that ended up being irrelevant.
One big thing was that DH and I wanted our head table to be only bridal party but both of our parents really wanted to sit there as well. They won that argument after MANY rounds of back and forth and we ended up having a 16 person head table and it was actually really nice.
Do not stress about seating yet...it is something you will not even finalize until the week or 2 before the wedding. I stressed about our RSVP's and I'll tell you why, we made a BIG STUPID mistake! We had a plated dinner with 3 options (beef, chicken, vegetarian) and put a spot on the card for how many of each plate. What we didnt do was ifgure out who got what (for those with plus 1's and children). We ended up having to call everyone when we did our placecards so that the servers would know who got what plate. For some reason this stressed me out to NO END! It all worked out in the end though.
I stressed so much over how to cut down our guest list and then we ended up getting a bunch of surprise No's anyway. People can be super excited about your wedding but when it comes time to book flights/hotel rooms reality sinks in.
I wouldn't even think about seating til 3 weeks out.
I would have not stressed so much about the weather. The planning details I gave up on and I 100% recommend that to any bride. But I stressed myself out for 1.5 years about what the weather was going to be like on my wedding day and it was totally out of my control and not worth it!! No one mentioned to me that pictures actually look better if it's cloudy or rainy out. It hought it had to be a bright sunny day to be perfect.
No one mentioned to me that pictures actually look better if it's cloudy or rainy out.
@moderndaisy: I have a couple of photogapher friends who say the same thing. They actually prefer shooting on overcast or rainy days because the pictures turn out better. The lighting is much more even and people tend not to squint like they would on sunny days.
My wedding is not for a while but I'm already feeling some guest list stress. My mother will not stop inviting people. It's waaaay to far in advance to be telling people they're invited to the wedding, especially because we're trying to keep it small! No mom, you cannot invite your co-workers to my wedding. I'm not even inviting my own co-workers so why would I invite yours!?
@MissTillie: bahaha sorry don't mean to laugh but that's kinda funny, my FMIL's coworker's all want to come to the wedding because they all know FI and they all want to see him get married. I'm like Heck no!!!! lol
Thanks for the feedback ladies, that is great help! I am hoping for a sunny day but even if it rains, I'm ok with that, surprinsly I am lol... that is the least of my worries.
I would have had an alternate plan for pictures. It rained all day, and was too wet for us to brave it without ruining my dress and shoes. Luckily, the hotel we were staying at had a nice lobby and we got pics taken there. But all the modern cool pics i wanted were not to be :/
I wouldn't have stressed about the rehearsal. We ended up not even having a rehearsal because of circumstances out of our control, and everything went FINE.
Our guest list - it was a huge issue for DH and me. And the day off, it really didn't matter. But we did a cocktail reception instead of a sit-down dinner, so that def. helped reduce the stress. If people didn't show up, it just meant more snacks for everyone else!
hmmm not sure how this ended up in the newlyweds board, I put it in the beehive one... strange
budget. I stressed so much about budget and now that I look back I kinda wish I would not have been so strict.....
I'm actually pretty happy with how things went, and I'll recommend following this advice: enjoy your wedding day. Just be determined to relax and let things happen. We had a coordinator who was great, and my family was all excited about helping, but I made a conscious effort to relax.
An example: DH called me from the house he was getting ready at, because his father couldn't find the tie we had given him the night before, so he didn't have a (similarly colored) tie to go with everyone else. I was 100% sure it was in the gift bag, but whatever. So I told DH to loan his dad a similar tie that he had brought with him. When we got to the ceremony, it turned out DH's brother was wearing his dad's tie, and in fact it was his tie that was lost. Whatever, it all worked out, I'm the only one who noticed, and I just didn't feel like spending the morning of my wedding trying to track down a tie.
It's a silly example, but just plan as much as you can in advance (bring extras of things, build extra time into the schedule, etc) and then just let go on the day of. Even if things go wrong, they're someone else's problem, and you don't need to be the one to fix them.
the seating thing stressed me out too but don't think about that until last minute. things will change anyway. for me, i would have gotten my marriage license wayyyy ahead of time. we literally had to go get it 2 days before the wedding as we left our city to go to our wedding destination. it was unnecessary stress. also, leave plenty of time to get ready. enjoy the moment, drink the champagne and hang with your girls. it'll be one of your favorite memories.
ha, i planned the seats like two days before the wedding, very easy. I would make sure to visit all your tables or have a receiving line, they didn't have me do either at my wedding. Be sure to look at your guests as you walk down the aisle no matter how nervous you are. Lastly, make sure the photographer doesn't forget to take a group shot of the whole wedding party together(groomsmen and bridesmaids, etc.) as one pose.
I stressed out about the guestlist and shouldn't have. I was so worried about keeping it down that I lost sleep over extra plus ones and yes RSVPS. In the end it all worked out. There are so many people that can't attend for various reasons.
Great question! I would have had EVERYTHING done earlier....I was really close, but a couple of last minute things spoiled my mood a couple days before the wedding.
For me, it was our printer that got behind on things and then I ended up having to do some things the day before the wedding, which should be illegal. (Couldn't wrap the favours (which took forever!!! picking things up from the printer and dropping them off at our location the day before=not fun); had to fold the name cards and glue on the gems based on which meal they got). I was trying to be too nice to the printer, saying it was okay that it was taking longer, but really, I should have insisted on the earlier deadlines.
Not everything is going to be perfect, but you will be the only one who really cares, so dont care!
Have plan B's for weather related items (pictures, ceremonies etc), and then forget about it and go with the flow!
Let your MIL and/or Mom participate how they want. It really is just as much about them as it is about you. They are proud to show off their children.
A Day Of Wedding Coordinator was the BEST thing I have ever done.
Everything that you are stressing out about will seem really silly once the wedding is over. Just do what you can, because once the major to-do's are done, no one will know what didnt get crossed off your extra projects. I had a few projects that didnt get done, and once I realized that no one knew that they werent done, I felt a lot better.
We went over seating for so long, trying to make it right. But you just have to realize, you can't please everyone. We ended up saying screw it, they can sit with people they don't know for one night, they'll deal.
Biggest advice is to try to let go of the planning related stress the week before (easier said then done) so you can focus on what's important.
Try to make sure that everyone really understands where they are supposed to be and what time they are supposed to be there. Don't think that just because you gave them a map with their invite and emailled instructions, they actually paid attention. (this is more for pictures and bridal party) Have cell phone numbers!
Be upfront with people. If you don't want to have a big family brunch the next morning, make sure people know (for example, heh).
Realise that some people are going to be really awesome and come through for you and others are going to drop the ball and let you down. It will be okay.
It really does go by fast, so make sure you pause to enjoy.
Woah...sorry...that was more than one. lol
I wish I would have stressed less over the little details of the wedding reception...like the bouquet toss song, the direction the folded napkins went (when not three minutes after guests had arrived did the tables look like they'd been "moved into" or hit by several small tornados...*cough* CHILDREN) and the handmade garter for the garter toss that didn't even happen! Lol.
If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd spend more time focusing on the actual CEREMONY instead of so much on the reception. It sounds so awful...but we picked out our vows the day before the wedding from a book our minister had, and to be truthful I don't even remember what exactly I said!!! Good thing it is on video somewhere! We were running around the day before the ceremony looking for an aisle runner that didn't even end up getting used during the wedding (oops! we forgot it in our car trunk!). We should have been focusing more on what was actually going to take place during the ceremony. It felt like we lost focus of the "meat and potatoes" portion of the wedding day and went straight for the fancy desserts, so to say. :)
I wouldn't wait til the night before to write my wedding vows and I wish I didn't stress out over the guest list size. It all worked out at the end though. :)
I would have made sure my sister tried on her dress before the day before the wedding...my mother ended up spending much of my wedding morning doing emergency alterations :\
I wouldn't even do a seating chart; we didn't do one and had so many people thank us because they were able to choose their seats. Don't sweat the small stuff (favors, decor, etc, it isn't what is important). Make sure to take 5-10 minutes during the reception to just sit back w/ your husband and soak up the moment together. Make the day about you and your FI
awww, you ladies are awesome! Thanks for all of this, hopefully it will also help out other brides on the Bee. This is great advice!
My biggest advice is to have fun with it and make it as personal as possible. That was (and is) what everyone says about our wedding- they loved it because it was different and so "us."
Also, no one will notice the little details unless you want them to. Either way, that works in your favor. For example, my mom was so stressed out about us having folding chairs at the dinner- she was convinced that it would ruin the appearance of the place and almost shelled out thousands for those chavari chairs. People definitely would've noticed the chavari chairs if we had gotten them, but we didn't, and no one noticed that we had plain folding chairs because they were too busy looking at the things that we DID make stand out. So keep that in mind when choosing what to spend money on. =)
Lastly, I wish that I had asked my now-husband to help out with things much sooner. I had assumed that he wouldn't want to have much to do with it (and in the beginning he wasn't super excited about helping), but towards the end when my to-do list was growing and the time to get it done was shrinking, he took great pride in helping to pull things together and actually had a huge hand in some of my favorite aspects of our wedding!
@couawilou: I would go back and re-plan my reception completely. At first I wanted a really classy traditional reception, in this garden's/mansion so we had it there and it was kind of boring! I mean, we had a great time dancing and had fun but they didn't allow hard alcohol and the price per person was so high that we couldn't have more than 80 people :(
I would go back and have a large backyard wedding (or outdoorsy area), with 250 people, I would rent drapping canopy tents, a dance floor, but have a ton of DIY projects, an open bar, and really fun foods (ie. desert table, candy buffet, variety of fun stations like tacos, sliders...and foods that everyone loves). None of my guests really relaxed and had a good time at my wedding and I completely regret not making it more fun!
@Running Elley: oh I'm taking 1 month off.... 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after for the honeymoon :-) I already know that I will need that time to make sure all loose ends are tied up... and foor sure I'll be on the bee, you ladies have been so kind and helpful so far!
Two things: First, we had an outdoor wedding in front of a waterfall. It was beautiful, but only the first two rows of guests could hear our vows. We didn't have easy access to electric and we were using rental speakers for the reception, but I'd have made sure the guests could hear us one way or another.
Th second is that the details don't really matter. You should focus on the things that make you and your FI happy, then forget the rest. Guests will not remember the napkins or centerpieces or chairs down the road. Look at function and comfort over appearance. We skipped the nice, white wooden chairs for the reception to save money, and used the provided green plastic chairs. They weren't pretty, but were much more comfortable and saved us a bit of money. It was totally the right choice.
One of the things that stressed me out the most was trying to please both sides of my divorced family--are my step mom and mom both getting ehough time??--how do I deal with both by mother and father both coming in on the same flight and both wanting all my attention, etc.... I felt very caught in the middle and it definitely impacted the days leading up to the wedding. My father had a bit of a hissy fit the morning of the wedding, but by the afternoon everything was over with and it was a beautiful day. If I had it to do over again I would have tried not to get sucked in and to remember that they were there for OUR day and needed to remember the reason they were there. At the end of the day you can never please everyone.
@couawilou:Good for you!!! It's awesome that you have that time available. It will help a lot :)
May I ask why seating is stressing you out? (meaning - can you name the stressor?).
Biggest pieces of advice to brides:
1. Don't let well-meaning advice or suggestions get you down. Make decisions that you and your FI agree about and want, and say "thank you for the suggestion" to whomever and move on.
I spent far too much time being upset that people didn't like my ideas. On the day of the wedding, those same negative nelly's were raving about how wonderful 'x, y, or z' was. Sometimes you have to carry out your vision and it's hard for other people to grasp it (because they would do it differently) - and that's OK!!!
2. Think about why you are getting married and the reason you are having the type/style of wedding you are.... once I did this, it really helped center me and helped me get through the 'wedding crazy'.
3. Don't give yourself ANY jobs for the actual day. Other than getting ready and getting to wherever on time - the only thing you should be doing is focusing on what you are about to do and on your FH. Let other people deal with details and don't worry about them (at this point!).
4. Consult the hive! There's a wealth of love, support, and great advice. Not to mention, a special sort of wedding planning bonding that's hard to find in real life.
@oracle: I think the main reason why I'm stressing so much about the seating part is because my parents are divorced, not re-married.
My dad doesn't talk to my mom's side of the family, it was a pretty bad divorce, I was 6 months old when they got divorced. My dad's family is all in Portugal and I don't think none of them will come.
So my dad will be the only one in his family to be at the wedding. I'll seat him with us at the head table, but I'm still fretting about everyone else's table. Will they get along, who do I sit together, do I seperate FI's family from mine, etc...
I guess this is the main part that is getting to me already, but I am going to take everyone's advice and not worry about it until the time comes, I'm going to take care of my DIY stuff until then.
My advice would be to have everything done and wrapped up a week before your wedding. I saw another bee give this advice and I'm glad I took it. It was so relaxing knowing everything was done and I was just so excited to pack everything in the car and head to the beach for our wedding.
Family getting along. People handled themselves fine, and we were worried because we have some awkwardness with divorced parents and grandparents. They all came together because of the reason they were there and totally behaved themselves. :)
I agree with PP that you should have everything done in advance. We are both procrastinators and stayed up all night the night before finishing up DIY stuff. That sucked.
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