- 4 years ago
Regular bee going anon here for reasons.
Let me preface by asking everyone to please reserve their judgement (until the end, at least) because I bet this will turn a few heads. Also, I’m not really posting to ask for specific advice (though I’d love to hear from anyone else in a similar situation!) but more to clear my own head.
Growing up I was a late bloomer and basically didn’t show any interest in the opposite sex or relationships until I was in my twenties. This led to a lot of comments from family and friends about whether I was straight or not, but I never really cared about them because I thought I was either asexual or just scared off sexual relationships because of some traumatic experiences as a child (molestation, being groomed by a jerk on the internet).
I did have a few sexual experiences that weren’t negative and were prior to FI, but never the deed (so he’s my first–I’m not his). I’ve never had any problem with this, though my mom is one of those people who tell you “you should look around!” In my opinion, that may definitely work for a lot of people, but I’ve got a lot of hang ups and anxieties about sex to begin with, that I don’t feel comfortable putting myself in that situation, so I’m happy. That’s not to say our sex life is perfect, but I’m definitely happy and we’re always willing to work on it.
Anyway, I guess since I’ve been with FI for a few years now, I’ve finally gotten to the stage where I feel comfortable thinking more about my own sexuality and who I am… and in that process, I’ve realized that I’m probably bisexual, or at least queer? I like women. I like women’s bodies. I also like men’s bodies, particularly FI’s, but women’s do it more for me.
I probably realized this a few months ago, and then started thinking about whether I should tell anybody or not. I really don’t want to tell my family, and I don’t think it’s any of their business anyway, but I thought that FI deserved to know, at least. So, finally, when we were sitting around the other night watching TV and a Real Housewives commercial came on where one lady admitted she made out with another lady, I turned to FI and told him that I thought I was bisexual. His response?
“Aren’t all girls?” I was all, uh, what? and he said that he thought all girls liked other girls, because girls are pretty. I explained that I didn’t think that’s how it worked, and then asked him if he was okay with me being attracted to other women, and he said “yeah, of course! I always thought that about you anyway. Since I trust that you’d never cheat on me, who cares if you’re into girls too?” And then he waited a second and then pointed out that I came out to him during a Housewives commercial, and asked me if I was trying to tell him that I was actually into rich old catty women, at which point we laughed a lot.
So, end of the story is a) apparently FI knew this about me before I did, and b) FI is amazing and I love him more than anything! And I guess c) I’m queer? I guess I need to get that figured out. I feel a bit different, finally admitting it (even if it’s just to FI and myself).