Can a married woman make friends with a single man?

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

VanillaNut:  I think a married woman can be friends with a single man if both parties are only seeking friendship.  In your situation, it could get tricky, especially since this guy doesn’t seem to have much respect for your marriage.

Post # 3
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Agree with the PP.  I would feel as if continuing a friendship with this guy would be disrespectful to my DH, and would end it.  

Post # 4
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

VanillaNut:  To the general question, of course men and women can be friends. 

However this guy doesn’t want to be your friend, it’s a means to an end for him, an end you say you’re not interested in. Best to walk away.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Taiki.
Post # 5
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes, I think married women and single men can be friends.  Do I think they should?  No.  

This guy doesn’t respect your marriage, and thus doesn’t respect you; I’d drop him.  Plus, how would you feel if the situation were reversed, and it was your DH hanging out with a single girl who didn’t care that he was married?  Maybe I”m the jealous type, but I would not be pleased.

I think you’re smart.  If you continue to try to keep the friendship, only do it with your husband there and in group settings (not just the three of you).  Then, maybe, you have a shot, but I wouldn’t pin any big hopes on it.  

Post # 6
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

For all the reasons the PPs have given, I think this friendship needs to end. 

Post # 6
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

you said, “But, he recently declared that he has feelings for me that he would like to act on.”

VanillaNut:  naturally men are hunters. regardless of anything he says after this, he will always look for an in. don’t compromise your marriage for this. it’s not worth it.

yes men and women can be friends, but there has to be a very clearly defined line and everyone should feel comfortable about the friendship. you shouldn’t be saying or doing anything with a man that you can’t tell your husband about. my husband has a female best friend (she’s married) and i’m totally comfortable with it. she was in our wedding! but she’s married, and totally respects our marriage. they have been friends for a really long time and there’s truly zero attraction between them. also i trust them.

he has never given me a reason not to. don’t give your husband a reason not to trust you. keep the drama out of your life.

Post # 8
Member
6691 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Our general rule is that this is inappropriate both ways. And if we hang out with other couples, regardless of who holds the friendship, I only communicate with the wife directly adn if the husband needs to ask us a question he must go to DH.

Post # 9
Member
6274 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

when a relationship is strictly platonic between whoever, it can work.  but this guy crossed a line.

my husband has a few female friends that are single.  he meets them for drinks on a one on one basis every now and then.  it doesn’t bother me in the least.  i know they are friends and only friends. 

Post # 10
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Married women and single men can be friends and I believe it is quite healthy for married people to pursue and cultivate friendships outside the marriage with people of all genders and orientations.

In your specific scenario, since the man in question has admitted he has feelings for you, I do not think it is wise to continue the friendship, at least not immediately. When two people are looking for different things in a relationship, it generally does not work out very well, just like a person who wants to be monogamous is setting themselves up for heartbreak by getting involved with someone who has made it clear that she/he wants to play the field and doesn’t want a commitment.

I wouldn’t burn any bridges, as this man’s wants may change with time, and a good friend is always a valuable thing to have, but it’s probably wise to create some distance, at least for a while.

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

If you really are happily married then out of respect to your husband you will end the friendship. I’ve never been a believer that heterosexual men & women can be 100% just friends(probably not a popular opinion but meh). How would you feel if your husband continued to be ‘friends’ with a woman who declared she had feelings for him, and would wait for him until he ‘changed his mind’……seriously it’s a no brainer.

Post # 12
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I would walk away, as much as losing a friend sucks, losing your marriage would be much worse.

I know if the role was reversed I would be very upset if my FI was hanging out with someone one-on-one who admitted that they wanted more. It would be very disrespectful.

Post # 13
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

moderndaisy:  Please tell me that you are being deeply ironic here!

Of course married women can be friends with single men. However, at the point at which the friend declares that they want more than mere friendship, it’s usually a good idea to have a serious conversation where you make your lack of interest abundantly clear. If the single man can’t accept this then sadly, that’s probably where the friendship ends.

Post # 14
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Of course! I’ve been married for 4 years and I have always had many male (single and non) friends. DH has plenty of women friends too. We both hang out with friends of opposite genders with each other and not with each other.

Post # 15
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

LudaRae:  Out of curiosity, as I am (an engaged) bisexual lady …am I allowed any friends? 

Only straight women/gay men? A lifetime of unrequited friend crushes clearly awaits me 

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