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As much as this bride sounds like a nightmare and I feel bad for your sis, I hate to have to say it but no, she can't "quit." I don't know if your sister has tried to talk to her about her behavior - I'm thinking specifically about making her feel bad about her pregnancy here - but before she thinks about making a move like quitting (which will, btw, completely end her friendship with this girl), she needs to at least talk to her and tell her that her attitude and comments are not cool. I know she's not calling her back and they haven't been able to get together, but she needs to express how she's feeling - voicemail, email, whatever. Usually I would say just let it go, but this bride's behavior is beyond the point where letting it go and being the bigger person is an option. I'm sorry but you don't make someone feel bad about being pregnant because it is "inconvenient" for your wedding. That's just psycho.
I think she can quit but it will have consequences. There are lots of discussions on the boards about dropping bridesmaids and I think that the consensus is usually that it will end the friendship. If this is acceptable to your sister, then sure, she can quit.
Can your sister go to the Bride's mom for help? I know my mom helped a lot with my shower.
Of course she can "quit..." being a bride doesn't mean you can abuse your friends. BUT it's not a decision that can be made lightly, and without awareness of the consequences: if she quits, the bride will almost certainly never speak to her again, and not without reason.
Wow-that's just rude! I would be half tempted to quit too! I would try talking to her again-or trying to talk to the bride's mom to talk to the bride-about how your sister is feeling. It'll ruin a lot to just up & quit, but your sister shouldn't be treated like that.
Sounds like this girl is a grade-A Bridezilla. Technically, yes, I think your sister can gracefully bow out of her duties as MOH based on that information. It stinks that she has to do it 3 months til 'the big day' but it sounds like this girl is being more of a hassle than a friend. If she plans to do it, she should do it stat. Bowing out as MOH is like breaking an engagement - it hurts and is something that should be done swiftly after the decision has been made. Hopefully all works out well for her - maybe the bride will get the memo once and for all. You should warn her though, this will probably cost her the friendship with this girl (but after the way the bride has acted, I'm not sure if I'd want to be friends with her after this anyways).
My 2 cents.
-Bella
If I were her, I would probably make a few more attempts to contact the bride, but she can defiitely quit. And with GOOD reason, imo. I'd try to enlist the help of the MOB or a friend to bridge the gap created by the bride avoiding contact, but if that doesn't work, I wouldn't beat myself up over it. If I were being treated like that, I would definitely consider bowing out as MOH.
The whole bridezilla phenomenon just baffles me. Getting married does not give anyone the right to act like a total bitch to those that you supposedly love. It just doesn't. It's just a party. Granted everyone should have the opportunity to make their day special, but in the end, do you care if your party is perfect if you've lost the love and respect of those close to you? If you are getting married, you should be thinking about building a bond, creating a family and celebrating those special things, not being rude to your MOH because she's pregnant. People are way to obsessed with teh aesthetic aspect of weddings and not the meaing behind it.
This might be off topic, but I'd love to poll couples who had a "picture perfect wedding" versus those who had a more off-beat or non traditional wedding (in the WIC sense of the word) to see what kinds of couples are less liekly to get divorced. My guess is that if you are more concerned about being inconvenienced by your best friend for being pregnant in your wedding, and less concerned with being her best friend and celebrating/planning together, that your priorities are messed up on more than one level.
I think she should try to talk to her friend about how she's feeling before making the decision to drop out. If the bride still keeps acting like a harpy or doesn't acknowledge the communication, then I don't see a problem with her quitting as MOH.
Getting married doesn't give anyone the right to treat other people like slaves or dirt.
Well, I say, yeah, she can quit...because I had one quit on me. lol But let me emphasize, she did not quit b/c I was being a brat...she got engaged and decided to get married right around the same time I am, so it would have been too much for her. But....in your sisters case, I vote for saying "yes" she can quit. A)...You just don't be mean to your friends like that. They are not your slaves, punching bag, etc...and B)...You absolutely do not treat a pregnant MOH like this. I have never been pregnant, so I can answer with absolute certainty...but...I have had friend's pregnancies complicated by added/unnessary stress...and I'm sorry, in this case, the mother to be needs to take care of #1 right now...and that is her and her baby. Being a MOH is stressful enough to begin with, but can you imagine being pregnant, and a MOH, and then to top it off, have the person who you graciously have been helping give you a hard time for being pregnant? Come on...that's just not right.
I agree that she can quit but that it will ruin the friendship. I have a post about a BM that we are having problems with and that has been the jist there too.
I have been a MOH in another wedding that the bride was awful. I wanted to run and hide and not doing anything else for the wedding. But I had promised. We are still friends but it is taking a while to mend.
Some people get it in their heads that they are the bride and therefore everyone else is suppose to do for them and do what they say. I think your sister needs to call the girl and say look I really love you and want to be by your side on your wedding day, but I've noticed that you haven't had time to return phone calls/emails. Is there something going on that you need to talk about?
I'm sorry to hear your sister is feeling so stressed out! In all honesty - yes, your sister CAN quit being her MOH but it will definitely come with consequences. If your sister is prepared to lose out on her friend - then by all means she can quit. I hope things work out though!
It will ruin the friendship and I would strongly advise against it. What she can do is be a little more assertive about what her role is or isn't and stick up for herself in a nice way when the bride is being wacky.
She can quit and she shouldn't feel bad about it either. Being stressed out about a wedding is not an excuse to treat someone badly or act like a b.tch, imo.
And it's not like she will be completely lost and it will ruin her wedding if she quits. She can do it herself or someone else can step up.
Thanks for your advice!
I talked to my sister a few mins ago and told her what all you've said and I think she's going to call the bride and if she can't get thru she's going to leave a message-- saying how she feels and explaining how the things she's said and done have hurt her--
Apparently there is another bridesmaid who the bride has been spending a lot of time with, so my sister's ultimate goal is to suggest that if the bride feels closer to the other bridesmaid that my sister stepping down may be the proper thing to do and let the other girl take the tiltle-- my sister will obviously still help out with the shower and things, but if she doesn't have the MOH title she probably wouldn't feel so obligated to continue trying to help out and please the bride
Keep us updated. Is the bride continuing to ignore your sister because of the pregnancy? Like she is punishing her? I think it's terrible for her to treat a woman who is pregnant like this. I agree with the person who mentioned stress on a pregnant woman. I've been pregnant and wonder if the stress I faced caused me some problems.
@di5308: You are so right about messed up priorities! People who get obsessed with materialistic/decorating/control things during planning and then abuse their closest friends and family obviously have some issues. It would be a red flag to me during planning if my significant other started acting like that. I hate how people just chalk it up to stress, or whatever. Lots of people have stress in their lives and still manage to treat their friends and family with love and respect.
@mcnetn3: I don't know how close your sister is with the bride, the fact that she was chosen to be MOH suggests they are close but the way the bride is treating your sister seems to suggest that the bride does not value your sister as a best friend would. Its true what the other posters say, if your sister bows out it might scar or ruin the friendship. The question your sister needs to ask herself is:
"Is this friendship already ruined?"
Its not just about the bride's feelings, if you ask me. Its not just up to your sister to save or ruin the friendship. It takes two people to have a relationship, and the burden is not only on one person's shoulders to maintain that relationship in a healthy manner. The bride seems to have already taken quite a few steps down the path of "ruining the friendship" which means your sister has a double workload of reversing that progress and then starting down the better path. There's not much she can do if the bride isn't willing to come along.
I hope things work out for her, but in my opinion a selfish person is not worth too much effort on my part. I am not going to beg someone to be civil and respect me.
@Jacqi, Why can't she? Would you do that sort of thing to YOUR MOH? thats just mean... I say "Yes" she can quit.... But MAKE SURE the Bride understands EXACTLY WHY she's quitting.. dont just do it. Maybe they can talk it over and the bride can chill a lil on the insults.
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Here's the deal.... my sister is a MOH in a wedding that is in January (that's correct, 3 months away) where the bride is being a bad bride. The girl has made my sister feel horrible about getting pregnant, asked for help many times but never returned my sister's calls, and she still doesn't have her guest list finalized (which goes hand in hand with not getting my sister the names/addresses for shower invitations, the shower is in a month- deposit paid on rental)--
The thing is, I'm the one who has to comfort my sister when the bride is dodging her calls or making her feel bad. I've told her over and over again that wedding planning can be stressful and that people can do and act in ways that are unlike them during a stressful time, but it's to the point where I don't think I feel that way anymore. A true friend wouldn't be mean to thier MOH like she's being, a real friend would want their MOH around to help out and be a part of her special day. The bride hasn't seen my sister in months (not for my sister's lack of trying).
My sister finally broke today... she asked me if she could 'quit being the MOH'... I don't know what to say. I told her I would seek out Bee advice.