Can a nice husband be selfish? (long)

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@AnonymousCupcake: I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I hope you get your health issues sorted out soon–may I suggest you look into hypothyroidism as well? I went through a similar set of symptoms and was diagnosed with that, so.

In terms of your DH, FI was like this when we started dating. We ended up having a long conversation that I initiated about how I felt that if he wanted a girlfriend, he needed to commit to a girlfriend, including hanging out with me, doing things that I wanted to do, etc. It really opened his eyes and he’s since been much better about it. Have you tried talking about it with your DH? (Sorry if I missed this already.)

Post # 5
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@AnonymousCupcake: You know, that was the exact same bull that my doctor gave me when I asked to see a specialist. “Well, it’s under control, so I don’t see what they could do for you.” I don’t care! I want someone that specializes in my condition to take a look at my files, buddy! Sigh. I’m sorry for your horrible experience with that endocrinologist, though 🙁 And I really do hope you feel better soon, and get everything figured out.


Post # 6
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@AnonymousCupcake:  I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time!

I would definitely sit down with DH and say “I’m having a hard time right now, with my weight and with my health. I really need your support, and sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with this alone. I wish we did things I want to do more frequently, like (activity A) and (Activity B).”

And if you don’t see any improvement or he shuts you down, it’s DEFINITELY time for a talk with a counselor.

Post # 8
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It does sound like he’s being selfish, although not necessarily maliciously selfish (if that makes sense.) It’s clear he’s forgotten that it’s important to your health and well-being to not only pursue your own interests, but have his support (physically!) in doing so. What happens if/when you ask him to do something and he doesn’t want to. Do you still go on your own? Relent and watch football with him? Retreat to your own corner of the house?

What if you approached him, without blame (even though he deserves it) and said to him “Honey, it is really important to me that we have some time together to do XXX. When would be a good time for you?” and then make a plan. Maybe even make it something that requires a reservation/payment in advance, so that it’s harder for him to back out? 

Post # 11
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AnonymousCupcake:  Lol I’m sorry but this sounds like something I could have written a few years ago. Trust me, I really doubt its because he doesn’t care… He just doesn’t understand. Men are stupid… Its easy to get self involved. With my DH  it was simply things like ” I just like football” or “I don’t have any interest in doing x” and him trying to constantly solve the problem. I bet you that he literally thought you’d want to go home. Most men don’t get just wanting to talk about it. 

He knows its wrong its just easy to slip into, don’t be so hard on him. Just make sure your clear and precise about what you need. Talk to him about everything.  but accept his love of football and maybe think about getting him a soundproof man cave. Lol 


Post # 12
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@AnonymousCupcake:  I hope, after your last update, that he truly does try to help you. I am going through a rough patch right now myself, and if I didn’t have a wonderful, compassionate, caring, support husband, I don’t know that I would be able to function. His love has made this whole emotional situation bearable for the meantime, and his support is everything. I hope your DH starts to support YOU and makes a true effort to help you fix things.

Post # 13
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That’s great that he has come to you and recognized there is an issue.  I would recommend having a discussion with him where you both talk about what needs to change and agree on some measureable benchmarks – not vague things.

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