Post # 1
I just want to know if there is anyone out there who has gone through a simliar situation as me, and after having an engagement called off-did you get back together?
Before i began to date my guy, i was very concerned about giving him a chance. For one- he was married twice before and two- he never had a relationship longer then a year. It took him a long time, but he finally won me over. We dated for almost two years and we had a wonderful relationship. He proposed on a christmas eve and set a date for 11/11/11. I was very excited to be his wife. I was not too excitd about the wedding but more of making him my husband and honoring the last name by being the best wife i could possibly be . I do need to mention a couple of things about him. He is a family lawyer so he does a lot of divorces every week. The other thing is that both of us have had bad examples of marriages our whole lives (his mom was married 3 times and his father 4). And last, most of our friends that are married, are not happily married. It is a bit discouraging to get married when you have all these things surrounding you. But for me, this would of been an exciting moment because we weren’t those things and we meshed soo well.
My point is that we had a really good relationship until the last month of it. We got in an argument that led him to call off the wedding. I was torn. He wanted to continue to be together without getting married. I knew i did not want to loose him so i told him i was okay with it. He knew perfectly well that i was not okay. His exact words were “i don’t want to be the man who denies you marriage and kids”. And that is the other thing, we would talk about having kids and that comment about “not having kids” threw me off. As soon as he said “we should end this”-i packed up my most of my things and left everything he got me.
A week later i returned to get the rest of my stuff, and i gave him a big hug and thanked him for everything that he had done for me. It broke my heart. I left as soon as i could so that he wouldn’t see the tears coming down my cheek. It’s been about two months that we have been broken up and i miss him to pieces. I only texted him once to tell him that i missed him, trying to let him know that i am still here, but i didn’t hear from him again.
I have cut all communication with him, and am trying to move on. I find myself a lot of times just thinking of him. I have let go physically and now i am tryng to let go emotionally. This has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life, letting go of the man that i truely cared about and loved. I think to myself that i will find flowers outside my house or a “sorry” note or an e-mail, something to show how much maybe he misses me, but i know that i shouldn’t have those kinds of thoughts. A little part of me just wants to hold on to that little hope.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry your going through this tought time. Hang in there though, this too shall pass. I know that you will hear this a million times but you sound like a sweet girl that deserves a guy who is going to give you what you want. It doesn’t sound like the stage he is at in his life, that he is ready to get married. Thats not fair to you because you can’t put your life on hold while he tries to figure out what he wants in his. I know it’s tough but I promise that it will all work out. Better to find out that he isn’t ready for marriage now than when your already married. Just know that every day that goes by, your one step closer to the man who is going to treat you like a man.
Good luck and stay strong!
Post # 4
Oh man, I feel so sorry for you. But do stay strong though. One day it’s not going to hurt as much. Honestly it does get better. I know you might feel like you are not going to meet someone that you love as much as you loved him but the bee is filled with stories like yours. One day you will wake up and it wouldn’t hurt as much and then you will meet someone who will make you happy. Good luck 🙂
Post # 5
I really do feel bad for you. I’ve been in a similar situation before – except I was waiting for him to choose between me and another woman. I was young and stupid – whatever. He chose her. His loss (lol). And I spent months thinking he’d change his mind (joke’s on me).
That said, if you sent him a text saying you missed him and heard nothing back you’ve gotta move on, because it sounds like he has. It’s easy to pine away, and read romance novels, watch soap operas and hope that some big romantic gesture is coming… but after two months and no response I would probably pick myself up and keep on trucking. Spare yourself any further heartbreak, you deserve better.
Post # 6
Oh wow, that is really hard. I don’t know what it’s like to call off an engagement, but I’ve had my share of hurtful breakups so I promise it does get better. You might have dodged a bullet, so try to look at it that way. Honestly the best thing you can do for yourself (when you’re ready) is try to date someone else. Ask your friends to set you up or go online. Once you start having feelings for someone else, you might begin to remember the things that were not so great about your ex-fiance. The grass might not look so green anymore.
Good luck, just take it one day at a time.
Post # 7
That is very hard… but if he isnt contacting you to tell you that he misses you and he isnt making any effort to reconcile then I would just not contact him at all.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Let me tell you this though…My engagement was called of. We dated for 7 years, and were engaged for 1. Three days before Christmas, he packed up all of his things and left. He said he needed space, time to himself [we had been living together for about a month in a house that I bought]. I let him go. Let him do his thing [that I didn’t agree with] but if that’s what he needed then that’s what I gave him.
Communication was sparse if any for the two months that he was ‘on his own’. I focused on getting my life to where I wanted to be and began preparing to do life on my own. He reached out to me a few times but conversations were short and awkward. I had been seeing a Christian counselor to help me learn and grow from the situation. When I was strong enough, I emailed him and let him know that I appreciated the time that I was able to spend with him and know that my life is better for having shared it with him. But also, that I deserve someone who loves and respects me the same way I do them. I let go, which is never an easy thing, but sometimes its necessary.
Needless to say, ours worked out. He reached out for help on his own and eventually we began ‘dating’ again [which was both fun, but strange since we had been engaged and together for 7 years]. We would never be where we are had we not gone through all of that. Our relationship is 10x better now.
Now having said that….ours was a much different situation than yours. He had some ‘living’ to do [i.e. he went straight from HS to working and never got the stay-out-all-night-partying out of his system] and needed to grow up on his own first. Both of our parents are divorced. But he had to make the decision on what he wanted, regardless of what he had experienced in the past. It has been a very difficult road and we both had to change the way we handled things in order to get where we are. Three years after our initial engagement, we are finally getting married 🙂
It can work out, and things can be better, but it has to be a conscious decision and effort voluntarily made by both in the relationship. It’s a hard realization to learn that you can’t change or control the situation. You have to focus on what is best for you, living one day at a time.
I’ve never really told anyone the story [expect close friends and family that experienced it with me] but I hope that helps. Please remember to keep your chin up!!
Post # 9
@adreynolds:Your are absolutly right!! I know that i need to move forward and that is the best thing for me. I am still young and i am turing 30 this year so i know i have a lot of things to look forward to. Thank you for sharing your story with me, and i am not letting this experience break my good spirit, if anything, i am going to take it as a positive, because it is the best thing for me.
Again- thank you for the kind words.
Post # 10
@Maria123: Good luck girl! Always here for words of encouragement anytime you need it!
Post # 11
I was engaged before, and when I came to visit, he flat-out told me he could do “much better” before calling it off. He wanted to be friends, even after I found out he had been cheating on me.
I was devastated and was not myself for a very long time. I finally got over it, but I still held those “what if” feelings for a while. It took him dying in a car accident for me to realize that things happen for a reason. We don’t always understand those reasons…but when one door closes, another opens.
It might not feel like it right now, but it was for the best. When you’re better, a man that wants to be a father and wants to be your husband will find you and sweep you off your feet.
Focus on feeling better.
The sun will shine again. <3
Post # 12
@Torrid:I’m real sorry to hear about your past experiece. I know that there is a reason for what i am going through, but sometimes i feel like i need an explanation for this experience, but maybe i don’t want to know and it’s for the better.
Thank you for the kind words
Post # 13
I’m sorry that hurtful even happened to you. Something like that happened to me…
I was with someone for six years, engaged for one and the last year things were strained. I was communicating too much and him too little. We argued constantly and put material things ahead of our relationship. By the time we bought a house, things were in their bad place. We were arguing over dumb things, he was always mean and nasty, and we didnt see eye to eye anymore. Then I got pregnant, and he decided against being around and having a baby and we split. I left and moved back home with my parents, and am now raising a baby in a small bedroom with no closet. We barely speak to each other mostly broken reasons according to each other why it didnt work out or what the baby needs (and why he cant/wont provide it). Would we ever get back together? Probably not, we hurt each other way too much to recover. And the problem is, we’re still hurting each other…
You have to determine if the original hurt is worth trying to erase.
Post # 14
I was engaged, but my ex cheated on me. He was in grad school and I was far away working…It broke my heart and I did the whole carrying on hope for longer that I probably should. But, with time it gets easier! I hope things are better!
Post # 15
My best friends got married after breaking off their engagement twice, the first time about a month before the wedding when she decided that they were just too incompatiable and that they differences that drove them together at first were now driving them apart, the second time he left her at the alter when he paniced that ther first broken engagement was a sign and that this would all end really badly.
They then became friends again, started going out about two years later, and got married in secret (they did a gretna green) a year later, they have now been married 10 years with 3 children!
Post # 16
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this!! this sucks so much. The first few months are the hardest. Do some things for yourself, go to the gym, take some classes, volunteer (nothing helps you get over things faster then helping other people), as my sil says .. Do You …
My brothers ex g/f called off her wedding (obviously to someone else) the week of the wedding and three months later they got married at the courthouse and divorced 6mos later. trust your gut
the only other thing that struck me was that i have an uncle that is an attorney and whenever he and my aunt got into a fight he would file papers and divorce her, i believe over a 15year period they were divorced 9 times… till they had kids … they aren’t happy and should have divorced and stayed that way.