Post # 1
I was reading another bee’s post about her ex-husband and how he was a spender and she was a saver, so it just didn’t work out in the end. I also thought about how I know a couple who recently got married that everyone said will get divorced because of a few issues, but mostly that she is a MAJOR spender (Think 3000 purses), and he won’t even splurge for a beer on a night out.
It really made me think about this statistic I read once that said money is the number one reason for divorce. not sure if this is still true, but it made a huge impact on me. I vowed that I would only marry someone who is very financially savvy. Luckily, my fi and I are on the same page about finances. We are both major savers.
So bees, can a spender and a saver marry? What do you think? Do your money views match up with your hubby/wife/so/bf/fi/partner?
Post # 3
@happilyeveraftergirl: I don’t see why not. Compromise! As long as you aren’t blowing through all the money and you can agree to an amount to save per month ( and STICK to it) I am sure you will be fine. Compromise is key!
Post # 4
I keep my FI from spending on silly things, and he pushes me to relax and splurge if I really want! We have lived together and shared finanaces (not same accounts but shared bills etc) for over three years and we are just fine and never have fought about money!
Post # 5
My sister and I were talking about this just today.
I think it can work as long as the spender defers to the saver and basically agrees that the saver is the financial boss in the relationship.
My sister and I are reformed spend-aholics. Prior to meeting our DHs we blew through obscene amounts of money/inheritances.
I ended up marrying a saver, and I’m definitely learning from DH. I used to shop until I dropped, but now I’m all about not carrying credit card balances and saving aggressively.
My sister married a spender, but he lets her call the shots with money decisions so it works out for them as well because she tones him down and keeps him from going wild with the discretionary income.
It’s really funny though because she and I used to be sooo irresponsible with money. Life has come full circle. LOL
I think too that when two savers get together, it works out really well. My cousin is a saver and he married a woman who was even more frugal than him. Whenever he got promotions at work, they didn’t upgrade to fancier houses or cars. They always lived below their means, shopped garage sales and banked at least half of their income. Now they are millionaires several times over, retired at 50 and traveling the world.
You don’t have to earn a great deal of money to be wealthy. You just have to know what to do with it.
Post # 6
Hah, oh gosh I hope so!
My FI is a spender, I am a super saver. In my opinion it actually works really well that way bc I keep him from spending too much, and he encourages me to spend money on fun sometimes 🙂
Post # 7
Sure, a spender and a saver can both still be responsible with money. A bit of balance is good too. I think people often look as spender = bad and saver = good, but there are pros and cons to both.
DH is naturally a bit of a spender, but he still has good money habits.
Post # 8
My SO is the spender, I am the saver. He’s already given me the keys to the castle so to speak lol By that I mean that we always talk about large purchases before they’re made and we budget for the month together. After the bills are paid and an amount is put away in savings, he has left overs to do whatever he wants with. He’s actually getting better about not spending ALL of his extra money lol.
Post # 9
@happilyeveraftergirl: It has nothing to do with any labels like spender/saver, introvert/extrovert. A marriage works when the two people in it are both compromisers.
Post # 10
@happilyeveraftergirl: I do believe it can work. But I also believe it would need a lot of work and compromise. If either one of them is not willing to work, it would sadly end or the other would be forever miserable.
Post # 11
@j_jaye: Ah, good point. My fi is an introvert and I am a major extrovert and that has worked thus far by providing us with a balance.
@BelliniChic: Hahhaha that’s so cute! It seems like a lot of bees have a partner who has either helped them become more responsible in regards to money or who they have helped be more responsible. I completely agree about not upgrading to new cars/houses.. I personally have an iPhone 4, and I won’t upgrade until it falls apart. I think if you add up all that money spent on always ‘upgrading’ and getting the next best thing, it’s enough to scare someone to death after a certain number of years!
Post # 12
I am a spender, super spender of epic proportions…..SO is a saver.
We’ve sat down and had money talks.
I now have zero credit card debt, am working to pay off my auto and student loan debt–all I have…and getting an auto refi as we speak.
I have TWO savings accounts now.
It’s a hard battle. Some days/weeks/months are better than others….I picked up my unhealthy habits from my parents, and I just assumed that people lived their lives spending until it was gone, until I dated my SO.
Now I’m better for it and REALLY thankful that my SO loved me enough to support me and help me figure it out.
BTW I voted you can make it work with hard work…because it IS hard work for me and it’s sorta like dieting/losing weight…it’s not like you can do it ‘for a bit’, it’s a lifestyle change!
Post # 13
@AnaA: Agreed.. I know a few marriages who have ended because one person would not stop spending money and the SO was tired of telling them no and acting like a parent.
For me, I never want to have money problems so I have to marry someone who shares my views without a shadow of a doubt. I’m absolutely terrified of being in debt.
Post # 14
I think they can definitely work. I am a big spender, FI is better at saving than I am, and we are going to make it work, no question!
Post # 15
Yes, it can work…with a lot of communication, compromise and honesty. The risk is that the spender can obviously spend too much and on the flip side, the saver can “take the fun” out of life if they refuse to ever spend anything. It goes both ways. While it is easy to demonize the spender, savers can be toxic to a relationship as well. While they may have the financial health of a relationship in mind, they can make others (who are not savers) feel restricted or controlled.
Regardless of your money personality, it can work. But I believe intent and willingness to work through it must be present. I am reading a book called, First Comes Loves, then Comes Money. It’s great and talks about this exact thing. It talks about relationship dynamics, “financial infidelity” and the difference between money personalities. I would highly recommend it!
Post # 16
@happilyeveraftergirl: yeah, it is easier live with someone who thinks like you about money (thankfully my man is amazing with money).
I can’t imagine how hard can it be for someone to be so in love, but also so stressed about issues like this.
But, hey, love is above all! Hehe Hard work and it can be!