Can a spender and a saver make a marriage work?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Can a saver marry a spender or vice versa?
    A saver and a spender can work! : (67 votes)
    44 %
    No, you need to marry someone who matches your money views : (12 votes)
    8 %
    You can make it work with hard work! : (75 votes)
    49 %
  • Post # 3
    2501 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  I don’t see why not. Compromise! As long as you aren’t blowing through all the money and you can agree to an amount to save per month ( and STICK to it) I am sure you will be fine. Compromise is key!

    Post # 4
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I keep my FI from spending on silly things, and he pushes me to relax and splurge if I really want! We have lived together and shared finanaces (not same accounts but shared bills etc) for over three years and we are just fine and never have fought about money! 

    Post # 5
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My sister and I were talking about this just today.

    I think it can work as long as the spender defers to the saver and basically agrees that the saver is the financial boss in the relationship.

    My sister and I are reformed spend-aholics.  Prior to meeting our DHs we blew through obscene amounts of money/inheritances.

    I ended up marrying a saver, and I’m definitely learning from DH. I used to shop until I dropped, but now I’m all about not carrying credit card balances and saving aggressively.

    My sister married a spender, but he lets her call the shots with money decisions so it works out for them as well because she tones him down and keeps him from going wild with the discretionary income.

    It’s really funny though because she and I used to be sooo irresponsible with money. Life has come full circle. LOL 

    I think too that when two savers get together, it works out really well. My cousin is a saver and he married a woman who was even more frugal than him. Whenever he got promotions at work, they didn’t upgrade to fancier houses or cars. They always lived below their means, shopped garage sales and banked at least half of their income. Now they are millionaires several times over, retired at 50 and traveling the world.

    You don’t have to earn a great deal of money to be wealthy. You just have to know what to do with it. 




    Post # 6
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Hah, oh gosh I hope so!

    My FI is a spender, I am a super saver. In my opinion it actually works really well that way bc I keep him from spending too much, and he encourages me to spend money on fun sometimes 🙂

    Post # 7
    10454 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Sure, a spender and a saver can both still be responsible with money.  A bit of balance is good too.  I think people often look as spender = bad and saver = good, but there are pros and cons to both.

    DH is naturally a bit of a spender, but he still has good money habits.

    Post # 8
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    My SO is the spender, I am the saver. He’s already given me the keys to the castle so to speak lol By that I mean that we always talk about large purchases before they’re made and we budget for the month together. After the bills are paid and an amount is put away in savings, he has left overs to do whatever he wants with. He’s actually getting better about not spending ALL of his extra money lol.

    Post # 9
    7290 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  It has nothing to do with any labels like spender/saver, introvert/extrovert. A marriage works when the two people in it are both compromisers.


    Post # 10
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  I do believe it can work. But I also believe it would need a lot of work and compromise. If either one of them is not willing to work, it would sadly end or the other would be forever miserable.

    Post # 12
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am a spender, super spender of epic proportions…..SO is a saver.

    We’ve sat down and had money talks.

    I now have zero credit card debt, am working to pay off my auto and student loan debt–all I have…and getting an auto refi as we speak.

    I have TWO savings accounts now.

    It’s a hard battle.  Some days/weeks/months are better than others….I picked up my unhealthy habits from my parents, and I just assumed that people lived their lives spending until it was gone, until I dated my SO.

    Now I’m better for it and REALLY thankful that my SO loved me enough to support me and help me figure it out. 

    BTW I voted you can make it work with hard work…because it IS hard work for me and it’s sorta like dieting/losing weight…it’s not like you can do it ‘for a bit’, it’s a lifestyle change!

    Post # 14
    9206 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I think they can definitely work. I am a big spender, FI is better at saving than I am, and we are going to make it work, no question!

    Post # 15
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    Yes, it can work…with a lot of communication, compromise and honesty. The risk is that the spender can obviously spend too much and on the flip side, the saver can “take the fun” out of life if they refuse to ever spend anything. It goes both ways. While it is easy to demonize the spender, savers can be toxic to a relationship as well. While they may have the financial health of a relationship in mind, they can make others (who are not savers) feel restricted or controlled. 

    Regardless of your money personality, it can work. But I believe intent and willingness to work through it must be present. I am reading a book called, First Comes Loves, then Comes Money. It’s great and talks about this exact thing. It talks about relationship dynamics, “financial infidelity” and the difference between money personalities. I would highly recommend it!

    Post # 16
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  yeah, it is easier live with someone who thinks like you about money (thankfully my man is amazing with money). 

    I can’t imagine how hard can it be for someone to be so in love, but also so stressed about issues like this.

    But, hey, love is above all! Hehe Hard work and it can be!

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