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We invited 105 people and had about 85 (including us and bridal party). It was disappointing - there were probably 4 or 5 people on the guest list I *knew* wouldn't come (who lived on the other side of the world) but there was a number of "no" RSVPs that hurt a bit. Of course it kept the budget down, of course it was a wonderful day, of course the most important people were there...but I had dreamed of a packed dance floor and that didn't really happen with our smaller guest list. And some of the "no" RSVPs were friends of DH's and I know he was disappointed that people didn't make more of an effort. So, I can empathise with your disappointment as we experienced it too and it's not a nice feeling, but also say from experience that it doesn't matter at the end of the day :)
thanks, i appreciate the empathy!!! :) responses like yours are much more helpful. I hope everything goes well on the day. I'll prepare myself just in case it is a small number.
I dont think people weren't empathizing with you, they were maybe just trying to help you see the brightside. Like hey maybe not a lot of people are coming but at least the ones you care about will! Like my last comment on your last post only about 30 guests of 150 will be coming to the ceremony, and I am still getting dome NO responses for the reception. It makes me sad because originally we thought we would have around 200 guests at the reception, but hey less people means less money lol 
We will be having a small wedding. We are inviting about 150 people, but everytime I go over the list it comes up the same. In reality (I know our friends and family really well) we will only have about 75. I waited a really long time to get married (I am almost 40), and I had always dreamed of a big wedding and doing the big walk, but alas it will not happen. Sometimes I look at the list in dispare but really, I know myself and my FH will have a blast no matter who is there. He is a sappy kind of guys guy, and I know he will make me feel like the center of the world on that day.
jennychicago: it wasn't all the responses. i totally appreciated the look on the bright side. i just wanted to hear both sides. setting aside the actually marrying my FH, i've imagined walking down the aisle in my dress with my father in front of a lot of people since i was a kid, that's probably why i got upset, for a few reasons it's kind of a dream close to my heart, you know? thanks for your support! :)
Aww bridepower, I know what you mean! Sometimes we are just disappointed about what may seem like little things to other people but all they say is, be happy that you're getting married. So I know exactly how you feel. I think we all are thankful and happy about the things that do go right for our wedding, but still it hurts when certain things feel like they're missing. It's just that missing feeling.
I've always been a social butterfly and I love big groups. It always seems more festive and fun when there are more people. And as someone who always tries to be there for other people's birthdays or special occassions, to hear that they're not coming can really hurt. It almost feels like you weren't important enough for them to make it right? And to have a lot of people there, well it kinda can make you feel special that all these people would come out for you. So your feelings are totally understandable and not necessarily superficial, as some people may misinterpret.
On the positive side, it does help you realize who your real friends are. I am super glad that I tried to only invite people I really wanted to be there. Paying a lot of money for people that don't care enough about you to attend can suck too.
As a past social butterfly, I know that it takes only a few strong personalities to get everyone into it on the dance floor and that a small handful of people can still make the party a blast and make it seem like a lot of people are there even if you didn't have that many guests. Hope that you can feel better soon.
I too feel a little guilty/pissed/hurt that not as many people are coming to the wedding as we thought there would be. We invited about 325-330 people and my mom and I just finalized the food count and it was 190! What I was most pissed about is that not one of my friends from college/teammates(played softball in college) is coming. And only 1 even returned her RSVP! I've been to one of their weddings a couple of years ago(the rest are single still) and also have visited. I realize that we are living in different states now but at least return the RSVP! We held off inviting some people because I wanted to see some old friends that I haven't seen for a year or two and figured this may be a way to get people together. Now regretting inviting them and should have invited others. Oh well! They will miss an awesome night!
I always dreamt of having a big wedding, but our wedding is going to be an intimate 50-60 people. I'm a little disappointed. At the same time, another 15K to feed another 100 people would be a little rough to dig up. It won't be the same, sure. But that doesn't mean that it has to be worse--it could be better.
We wanted to have about 150-160 people at our wedding. We invited 208. We had 125 RSVP yes, and about 112 show up.
It was extremely disappointing to me. Even on the day of I was bummed about how empty the hall looked. I didn't dwell on it, and I didn't let it ruin my day, but it was definately something I wish I could have gone back and changed. I would have invited way more people. A ton of people came w/o guests, and some even w/o their spouses. Couldn't have assumed that would happen and plan for it, so there was nothing I could do once the RSVPs came back.
As our wedding got closer, I started focusing on the things I was excited about, that helped me to forget a bit, but everytime people would call and say they couldn't make it last minute, I cried a bit.
At the end of the day, it probably didn't make too much of a difference. The people that we care about most were there, mostly... and they day was amazing, but I totally understand where you are coming from. It is dissappointing!
I totally understand where you're coming from!
We invited 250 people and it's looking like we're going to end up with a little under a 60% "Yes" rate with about 140 attending. I'm dissappointed for sure. I know many of these people have to travel but they are our single college friends who could split one of our $99/night rooms multiple ways and drive up together and split gas - that really isn't very expensive! I know it will still be a wonderful day but I wish more people were making the effort to celebrate with us.
The same thing happened with my bachelorette party too - invited 15 (plus my sister/MOH and I) and and 3 RSVPed "Yes" (again, plus my sister and I). That's 20%! And we got free lodging by the beach and within driving distance for most - I just don't get it sometimes!
we invited almost 300 people to our wedding, had 120 rsvp that they were coming, and our final count that actually showed up was 75!! it makes me kinda sad to look back at my pics and see all the empty chairs.. so i feel ya!! but really the day of the wedding, i had no idea how many people came, nor did i notice all the empty chairs, not until i looked back at my photo's
We can only afford a small wedding under 100 people. I rather have more but i will not go into debt over it. just like it you its about the marriage! if people get hurt they werent invite they will just have to get over it.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!! Sorry if I was a little angry up there but it's just that I was SO disappointed. I'm feeling better now.....And my dad is finding more people (people I know and forgot about, not just anyone such as my old babysitter who I've been dying to see for a long time).
I have a feeling I'll be in your situation shortly. Our invitations are going out this week and I already know that a lot of people on my side won't be able to come. In fact, my own grandmother might not be able to come. I'm frustrated that my FI will have much more of his family there but sadly there's nothing I can do about it. Hopefully those people most important to me will be able to make it. Our engagement party was 95% his family and friends and 5% mine....and about the same number from each side was invited. A lot of it has to do with finances as well. Many members of my family are experiencing financial difficulty right now, in addition to being out of state.
I'm just trying to think positively about it and be excited that I'm marrying my best friend and I'm trying to look at it as they're my family as well now.
It's funny...we wanted a small wedding but ended up inviting 91 people. In the end, we'll probably have about 70 -- our original plan, but seems small to us now that we invited more and got a bunch of declines.
Also (separate but related vent here) ... we're already 4 days after our RSVP deadline and still missing responses from 16 people. That's the most hurtful: I can understand if people can't make it, but I take it a bit personally if they can't even be bothered to respond!
We invited 175 and had about 95 in all (including) us. Everyone had to travel so that had a lot to do with the low number. There were lots of people--including my father-in-law--that did not come to the wedding. When we got the No's I was disappointed but then I started adding up the cost savings. My husband and I planned on spending a certain amount of money and we agreed that while maybe it would be smart to actually save the cost difference, we ended up putting it back into upgrades for the wedding that made the experience that much better for the people that DID show up. For example, we rented vans with drivers to transport all of our guests and upgraded the bar. We also ended up adding an extra hour at the end of the reception because people were having so much fun. I really do feel empathetic for the disappointment, but I promise that the wedding will still be amazing :)
I completely understand. We invited about 260...about 170 rsvp'ed yes and only about 75 showed up...that was really frustrating. It was definately noticable to me and my husband on our big day.
That is too bad that you are disappointed. It is frustrating when things don't turn out on what is supposed to be your day. I know I would be disappointed too. Hang in there, grieve and be disappointed, then gear up because it will be a great day regardless!
That is frustrating! I'm having a much smaller wedding (80 invited, about 50 expected to come - lots would have to travel VERY FAR), but I would be so sad if only 30 people came after we rented such a beautiful venue and put so much effort into it. I also have the opposite fear - that all 80 will magically show up and we will have to feed them!
Hopefully your dad can round up some extra partiers and you can have your wished-for number, or very close to it. :)
I had a similar thing happen with my wedding. There were a number of family who were talking about trying to make it but in the end did not. We invited 130, planned for 80 but had 60 show up. I was disappointed at first. However, the day of the wedding was fantastic. The 60 people who came had a great time, enjoyed the day and we got to talk with everyone. :-)
Oh honey, I feel ya. We are having a destination wedding in Cabo San Lucas and invited about 75-80 people. Looks like we are BARELY going to make the 25 mark. Don't get me started about a few open RSVP's over 3 months past our RSVP date.
I commented to my fiance that I was worried our wedding "was going to be a dud." He said, "the only way it'll be a dud is if one of us doesn't show."
Made me feel better, but I still wish some key people in my life that can't make it due to financial or family reasons were going to be there.
@kpope51486: WTF?!?!?!? How shameful of those 100 ppl not to show. That's A LOT of money out of your pocket. I would definitely have called and asked for an explanation. WOW.
I feel for you. We invited 175-ish with the goal of having 120 actually show up. Now that RSVP's are rolling in, more are replying no than yes. And it's not that I want a large wedding, but it makes me sad to know that people just don't care. We are both in our early 30's and never imagined we'd find anyone who loved us enough to marry us. It's a pretty big deal to us as Christians that more people don't want to support us in the start of our marriage.
My parents are paying and keep saying we'll upgrade with the extra money, but I don't even care anymore. I'd rather have people want to celebrate with us.
@starrynight- totally understand...we had a total lack of people too and we are going to do a few extras but it definatley sucks...I'll post later after the wedding about how it all turned out. Right now jsut don't really care anymore. (Which is great 3 days prior tothe wedding)
omg, im totally having the same freak out! I originally thought wed have so many people to invite, but once i wrote it all down not only did we not have a huge number, but on top of it i'm sure alot wont attend as it is out of town for many people. I have totally done everything to plan for a "big wedding" a big venue, large wedding party, etc. I'm also worried that if i don't get at least 200 people to attend it won't have the same energy as 200-250 would have. Don't worry about what everyone else has to say if you feel its negative. I'm also a little older (30) and have waited all my life to find "the one" and want people to share in it with me. I guess the sucky thing, is that out of all the wedding stuff, who attends or how many isn't something we can control. Good luck hon, your wedding will be beautiful i'm sure!
i totally understand. i'm really feeling that way in part because you do so much to put together an awesome event and you want people to be able to come and enjoy it! we invited about 350 - rsvp deadline next wednesday. so far 120 attending with 109 missing RSVPs. plus we've gotten "no" responses from local people who we assumed we coming as they are people we see all the time and they never said anything about not being able to come. we also want to do some cool things (like a lounge etc) that don't make sense to do unless we have at least a certain number. so i'll be dissapointed if we don't get to do those things. i mean, the band costs the same whether there are 100 people or 400 people. and if i knew we were going to have under 200, there were MANY other venues i would have preferred, but we had to plan for at least the 300 we knew we were inviting at the time. and its hard not to take it personally - because really, they knew the date in february - anyone who really wants to come, will come. so its sad to feel like there are that many people who don't want to make the effort to witness you marriage and party with you.
i do agree though with the seeing who your real friends are thing though. i have one friend who asked to bring a guest and when i said no (need to be consistent - married/engaged/relationship of 9+ months) she said she wasn't sure she was going to come. that she'd have to "think about it" - still have yet to get her rsvp....
I hear ya! I invited 80, but only 25 people came. Sent out 42 invites, but only got 28 back. I was really disappointed. And the only people under 40 that came were my 3 brothers and the 2 people in the wedding party. Not exactly a hip happenin' group. But it turned out ok. I was still happy that day.
I haven't even sent out the invitations yet and already have these fears. We are inviting 82 and feel pretty good about 55 of them, given that 80% of the list is out of towners. It will hurt if it's even less.
I've only sent out my save the dates and already I've heard what a crap day it is for people (11/26/10).
I knew that there would be people who wouldn't come but it still stinks hearing that.
Hive hugs!
I can totally empathize!
For us, it's not a matter of people not being able to come; it's that we just don't have that many friends and it makes me sad!
I have never been super social. I always had a few very close friends though. I am sad now because those friendships have faded or fizzled and it's both my fault and the fault of those friends... I have ONE friend, my best friend since junior high, that I can say for sure will be there.
I know I let real life get in the way and don't nurture friendships like I should. We both do. We are both older (30s), full time students who work, and have 3 kids.. there never seems to be any time. I am also bad about pursuing new friendships. My FI is very introverted, grew up in another state (moved here at age 16) and never kept up with old friends from school, so even though I have very few friends I have more than FI and that doesn't say much!
Even our families are small. FIs family is crap: abusive mother, nonexistent father, aunts and cousins who she is NOT close to because they just don't value family. She has ONE aunt who is awesome and will be there and maybe her paternal grandma (who she actually just met for the first time 3 years ago!). My mom is weird about us getting married, my father died years ago but he never would have come anyway (same sex wedding)... the only one I can count on is my big brother who was like a dad to me.
So even if everyone comes that we know, there is no way we'll have more than 20 people total, and that's stretching it and that's if we invite people that are more casual friends (people we worked with before and the like), and since we are marrying out of state it's still not likely that people will be able to or will want to travel for our wedding.
So yes, I know I should be happy that my best friend (who is like a sister) will be there, that my brother will be there, my FIs aunt who is awesome... and that those in attendance are going to be those who REALLY support and love us but it still makes me a little sad that it will be so tiny!
I guess on the bright side it certainly costs less!? 
This is the thing I am MOST worried about. With my ENTIRE family living in New Jersy... we are in Fargo, North Dakota, we have NO idea who will want to make the voyage over here, and my FH's family is very to themselves.... I have a feeling that our wedding is going to be the same way.
Especially after my FH's sister's wedding last year... when they invited 230 people, and only 100 showed up, and then after the dinner... only 30 stayed for dancing. CRAPPY.
But alas... it is what it is... but it remains the most important day of our lives up till now! and we are marrying the men of our dreams... and there is nothing to complain about there!!! 
I don't care how many people are there, though it's going to be smaller than I expected - I'm mostly disappointed that a lot of my friends can't come. I only have a few close friends and we're all scattered around the country, so I was hoping they could all come and we would have time to hang out. About half of them can't come, and I'm a bit sad. On top of that my second cousin is getting married the same day as us, but across the country (we're not close so they weren't being rude) so some of my family who might have come are going there instead. Most of FI's friends (and he has a lot) are coming, which is cool. I like all of them a lot, but it's not the same.
So some good news...After freaking out a lil bit about lack of people...the wedding was AWESOME and so was the reception. Honestly it was a great time and the people who came I had a blast with. It just seemed like the ones who mattered to us were really there. I don't know looking back if I'd change it or not.
@Miss Baz At least Fargo has more flight connections these days or they could driving in from MSP. :-) I grew up in ND, lived in Fargo for 4 years and most of my family had to come from ND for our wedding in NY. Where are you getting married in Fargo?
That is a real bummer. My FSIL invited about 150 people, had 90 RSVP and only 75 show up!!! I felt so horrible for her, especially about those who no-showed.
My best friends live out west and work seasonal jobs, so they aren't able to come. They are the only people I really want there. It's sad! But I know that day will be special for us all no matter what!!!
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I was venting here about possibly not having the amount of guests I've always dreamed of. Unfortunately I'm getting a lot of responses about how it's not the most important thing in the world...although I'm sure they're well-meant but some are in a negative and critical and judgmental tone.
I'm being told what's most important is the marriage, having people close to you only, etc, etc. OF COURSE THAT'S TRUE, DUH...I DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD THAT!!!!! I've been with my FH for years, we're older, and we've worked our asses off on our relationship and are unbelievably committed to each other.
But I'm sorry I think there is something to be said for disappointment when something you've always imagined and fantasized about might not come true. I guess to some wanting a large amount of guests is superficial or whatever, but for me there's some special meaning in it.
If you're a bee who can sympathize, please respond.