Post # 1
…that’s/who’s not so strict about cohabitation?
I’m catholic but SO’s not. 3 years ago I and SO got married by court and also got married in my SO’s religion. The reason was we didn’t have the time nor money at that time and SO’s religion is very easy going and no preperation required(compared to Catholicim). Both families just met up for a weekend and we got married.
My side of the family has always hoped for a real wedding and for the marriage to be recognized by the church and we are planning to do that next year.
The problem is the priest in the church I go to is pretty strict about the cohabitation and said we should live seperately till the wedding, or sleep in different rooms. Although we are legally married and married in my SO’s religion the church does not recognize that.
I’m catholic so I think it’s worth it. However, it’s really hard to get my SO on board with this since for him we are already married not just BF/GF living together, and he doesn’t like to be treated as he’s doing something “wrong”. I could probably insist and push it through but it will be really stressful for us up until the wedding.
Are there any churches in NYC that “don’t ask don’t tell” or is not that strict regarding cohabitation? Any advise is appreciated!
Post # 3
As I understand it, what you’re seeking is a convalidation, which takes your legal marriage a step further and binds it in the sacrament of marriage. The reason your priest is asking you to live separately until the ceremony is because in the eyes of the Catholic church you’re not married yet and are therefore not supposed to be having any relations, and the vast majority of people (and priests) assume that if you’re cohabitating then you’re having relations too.
I know that the church cannot prevent two people from marrying for any reason, but I’m not sure if the same applies to convalidation. It might be a good idea to get in contact with your bishop for some questions and answers regarding the process, and to determine if convalidation requires that you live separately or just requests it. I’m guessing if you have a good reason to cohabitate (such as already having a child together or financial hardship) they might give you some slack if you promise not to have relations and then go to confession before the ceremony.
Sorry I can’t be more help than that!
Post # 4
Our priest (in Brooklyn) didn’t even ask that. I am sure there are a ton of places in and around the city where you can find a priest that is not too strict. But, I also wouldn’t bring it up if you aren’t asked.
Post # 5
Thank you both for your advise!
I realized that I would have to actively ask around, and contacted a few priests in NY. We met one that is relatively flexible and open to this matter (I’m not saying he encourages it, but he didn’t make it a big problem either), we’re supposed to get our first interview soon. I’m a bit nervous and hope finally this is the one!
Post # 6
I think the key will be in your language as well. Tell the churches/priests that you are already married and seeking convalidation within the church.
Post # 7
@KLP2010: I agree! The first priest I met I was a bit unprepared and he answered my question for me.
Priest: “Have either of you been married before?”
Me:”Actually we are already married but just not in a Catholic church”
Oops wrong answer! Next time I’m starting my conversation with convalidation 🙂