(Closed) Can close friends engagement delay your own??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee

We had been together a little over a year when our close friends got engaged. I knew it was too soon for us but thought maybe by the time they got married it would perhaps inspire him. Or perhaps his friends would be nice enough to at least give him a nug in the right direction. They just got married this year and we’ve now been together a little over 2 years and the most inspiration he got was to ask me who my bridesmaids would be. Well, he surprised me with a couple short trips to look for rings.

I’m really not sure if it was a result of the fact that he is practically the only person in his social circle that is now single with no kids, or if our friends marriage inspired him, or if it was due to the fact that I told him that I wouldn’t twiddle my thumbs for 3+ years and if nothing was in motion I’d leave. It wasn’t a threat. Or an ultimatum. I just wanted him to be clear where I drew the line. And at this moment he has under a year to figure out what he wants.

If your guy was planning on proposing there’s really no reason why he’d need to put it off for a year or however long it takes for your friends to get married. He could still propose soon. Really, personally, I believe that the “their time” thing only applies for the 1st couple weeks or months after an engagement. I wouldn’t worry too much. And here’s to hoping there’s no delay.

But…I’m sure all of us here could attest to the fact that we’ve all thought it was coming at least 100 times before it actually did. Your friends engagement may have nothing or everything to do with a delay. Just depends on the guy and the relationship. I don’t want to sound like a debbie downer. I’m just speaking from personal experience. My biggest psych out was when he surprised me with a trip to my favorite restaurant on January 1st and I literally thought I felt a ring box in his pocket (it turned out to be his stupid phone).

I’m sure he has something in the works for you if you guys were talking about it before your friends decided to get engaged. Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee

I think it depends.  I agree while it is important to let the other couples have “their time”, sometimes I think it may help the process as well.  I know in our situation he would like to because many of our friends have recently gotten engaged but he can’t as he recently lost his job.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My BF and I were planning on getting engaged a couple of weeks ago but then my cousin decided a week before that she was going to get married that next week (a small ceremony at their house) I don’t feel the need to wait more than a week or two after their impromptu wedding to get engaged but I didn’t think it was appropriate to do it two or three days before her wedding

Post # 6
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would probably wait a month or so, and then continue with your own plans.

Post # 7
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

For some people it can, not all. Some people don’t care when you get to a certain age. For me, I’d go on with plans as usual. Why not?

Post # 8
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My husband proposed to me a couple of months after my good friend got engaged. She wasn’t upset about it at all, and we had fun talking and planning weddings together!

Post # 9
Member
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it could also speed up things.. especially if he is a procrastinator, seeing so many people around him getting a move on with marriage may encourage him to propose. I hope anyway!

Post # 11
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it gave my honey a nudge! My best friend got engaged in December. I got engaged in July. 

Post # 12
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think it could definately delay it.

My FI asked my parents permision in October, then my sister’s boyfriend proposed to her in Nov, then another friend got engaged in Dec so my FI ended up proposing to me mid January!

I had no clue he had even asked my parents permission so the engagement was a surprise.  It was only afterwards he told me ๐Ÿ™‚  He didn’t want to steal other peoples thunder and also wanted to wait until the right time for us and make it special – which it certainly was ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My FI had been planning on proposing for a while and we have been together over 3 years. His friends, who weren’t even together a year yet got engaged the week before we did.  It didn’t stall FI in the least.  He was a little put off by it because his friend knew his plans, and I think his friend just wanted to beat him to the punch. 

They also got married 2 months ago, and we’re not getting married till June.  What other people do shouldn’t alter your plans. 

Post # 14
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@drowninginpatience: SO and I actually had a talk about what “the line” was with regards to giving other couples their “time”.  I initiated it b/c after his sister set the date for her wedding, I thought it might be within his timeline.  It pretty much boiled down to my thinking that, if the wedding is the first time I’d be seeing friends/family since the proposal, then they’d all want to see it & talk about it and I wouldn’t want that attention on me during someone else’s day.  And, given that this situation is at the “sibling” level, not just close friends, I didn’t want SO to accidently look like he was jealous of all the attention his sis was getting.  But of course, the convo ended with “Oh, so theres no need to worry b/c it won’t be happening for a year + after her wedding…… kay…. 8|”

So, I guess it ranges depending how close your friendships/family ties are with a couple, but I’d say a month is more than enough time to wait after someone else’s engagement or before/after their wedding.

But really, that’s not very much time.  You can get engaged while other people in your life are engaged, especially when other couples spend 2+ years planning!

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