(Closed) Can I ask him to not go?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Can I ask him not to go?
    No. It's not a big deal, just let him go. : (51 votes)
    31 %
    Yes, if you are that concerned ask him to consider staying. : (104 votes)
    63 %
    Other, I'll explain below. : (11 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3525 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    First of all: Are you in counseling for your anxiety? If not, you should be.

    Second: I would not specifically forbid him to go. However, I think you two need to have a serious discussion about your expectations for his behavior on the trip.

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    18646 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I wouldn’t want him to go either after the stories he has said about the trips that have gone on previously.  What kind of business is this seriously?  What is the point of a trip like that, seems so unprofessional and stupid to me.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3378 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I can understand your feelings on this.  I think the way I would approach this issue is to sit down and have a conversation with him about why he would want to go on a trip that he has previously described in such unflattering terms.  What is the attraction, and how would he deal with all of the debauchery around him?  If you trust him not to engage in this behaviour, I don’t think it’s fair to have a blanket “I don’t want you to go” kind of stance, but he should be able to think through and verbalize how he’s thinking about this trip.

    Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Tough question! I probably would not want him to go either. And I also completely trust my man, I just don’t see it necessary for him to be  around all that. He had his time to get that out of his system before he met me. Can you see if he can take the vacation time and the 2 of you can go somewhere instead?

    Post # 7
    Member
    5389 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I just read this to my FH and he said that he would’nt want to go. He said that he wouldn’t want to be around things like that. Honestly, I wouldn’t want my FH to go either (for the same reasons that he said that he wouldn’t want to go).

    Post # 9
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I want to add, I think it also comes to a point where it is not his behavior I  would be worried about.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Do they work for a company that profits off college spring breaks? It seems stupid to me. I think you should explain to him that he told you the stories and now you are nervous and go from there. Good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

     I would definitely ask him not to go since he is the one who has given you all the negative information about the trip. Why would he want to go on such a trip

    Post # 12
    Member
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would not feel comfortable if my SO was going on a trip like that. And how exactly can they forbid you from going if you pay your own way???

    Post # 14
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to sit down with him and have a conversation about the trip–why he wants to go, why you’re uncomfortable with it, etc.  It shouldn’t be about whether or not you’re going to let him go because he’s an adult and you’re not his mother…but it should be an open and frank discussion where you both feel heard and you come to a decision that you’re both comfortable with.  I would be completely uncomfortable with this as well, so I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable.  Good luck.

    Post # 15
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think you should sit down and express your feelings on why you would like him not to go. 

    But remember that he is a grown adult and can make his own choices. I would not forbid him to go.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted “other.”  My only concern with asking him not to go is whether that would be, in effect, asking him to forfeit career-building opportunities. As sucky as it is, that’s how some businesses operate.  If you could be sure it wouldn’t affect his future with the company, then I think it would be fine to ask him not to go; otherwise it’s a little tricker.

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