(Closed) Can I back out of being a bridesmaid?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NotABadBM:  I think you may have answered your question yourself at the end there. It sounds like you’re going to lose her as a friend regardless, so why put yourself through the unpleasantness of going through with being in her wedding?

And, if you really want to justify it, dropping out now would give her time to find another Bridesmaid or Best Man to replace you (sounds like she doesn’t care that much about the person doing the role anyway…).

ETA: Seriously, you can’t talk about business trips? As if they’re fun…

Post # 4
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you don’t want to lose her as a friend then I think you need to have a talk with her about your friendship (not about her wedding). Let her know how her behaviour/actions makes you feel. I am sorry but to me friendships are about respecting each other and agreeing to disagree about certain things. Friendships should never come with rules or demands. She doesn’t sound like she is being a very good friend.

Post # 5
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

To me she does not sound like a friend worth having, to be honest, being a Bridesmaid or Best Man or not. I wouldn’t want to be in her wedding, and I really wouldn’t want to waste any of my free time having to walk on eggshells around her after the fact.

Post # 6
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think you can “ruin the friendship forever,” because I think she already did. 

Do you think being her bridesmaid will repair the relationship? If so, go ahead and do whatever you can to salvage this. If you don’t believe it’s reparable, then tell her as respectfully as you can that after thinking about it, you don’t believe this is best for her. 

Post # 7
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I say this as a big lefty, Occupy supporter, and someone who has struggled over the last few years (DH was unemployed for a year):

Your friend is being controlling, hurtful, and bratty. Telling you what you can and can’t talk about?! For heaven’s sake.  I have friends that are SO much wealthier than I am, but I don’t blame them for that, and I sure as hell don’t tell them they can’t talk to me about their lives!! 

Once, I had a friend who was being somewhat insensitive at a time when we were really struggling financially (talking about how stressful it was trying to buy a house in an expensive town with her millionaire fiance, seriously). So I had a talk with her about how that made me feel.  She totally understood, apologized, and we moved on. Because that is how grownups handle it. She is still one of my best friends. 

Sorry, this isn’t answering your question. I’m just really indignant that your friend would treat you that way. I’d say the answer depends on whether the friendship is salvageable, in your opinion.

Post # 8
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

IMO a Bridesmaid or Best Man should only stand up in a wedding if she fully supports that friend and marriage. You said you don’t want to be in it so don’t. I think it’s better for a Bridesmaid or Best Man to drop out than be “fired.” If someone asks you to participate in a wedding you have the option to opt out if you change your mind. You haven’t bought a dress yet so this really is the best time. In all honestly, the friendship probably won’t survive but she really sounds like a crappy friend anyway. 

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