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I die a little each time someone says they are pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, but dang it, why not me.
*pitty party for one please*
-- Red wine, take me away
@panterapeach: I think people in 'Waiting' can relate to this :) ... with every single engagement there is always that little sting.
All I can say that when it does happen it will be beautiful and right.
for now enjoy the wine :)
@CanadianMermaid: yep it is EXACTLY like waiting.
I just upgraded my wine to include chocolate.
@panterapeach: Is there room for another in the pitty party? I could use some good wine too!
@panterapeach: It's perfectly normal to feel that way. I'm not married yet, but I have had several accidential pregnancies, all ended with miscarriages. I had a friend who also got pregnant around the same time I did, and she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, while I had accepted it and was getting excited for it. I ended up miscarrying at 19 weeks, a week after we found out it was a girl. Our friendship was really strained because she told me even after my miscarriage that she still wasn't sure if she was keeping it, and hey, its her choice, but it was depressing because she didn't want the baby that she was carrying and I wanted mine, but mine was taken away. She kept the child (when he was born it was painful because it was on my due date), and has since had two more. Each time I get a little sad and want to throw a pity party. So you are definitely not alone. Just know that it will happen when it's mean to happen.
@panterapeach: I would also love to join your pity party. I am so done being happy for other people. I want to be happy for me goddamnit!
@heathaah: & @Ms Mini Heck yeah there is room for more at this party.
So I just checked FB and one of my friends just announced her pregnancy.
Seriously! Awesome timing. GAAAHHHH
why yes bartender *aka DH* I will take another round of drinks... and extra chocolate! PRONTO
It sucks to feel bad about not getting PG and feel bad about being jealous of others. Too much badness! I'm definitely to the point where I'd be happy for any of the people on here who have been TTC for awhile, but the "oops I'm pregnant, yay!" posts are harder to stomach. (And please don't feel bad if that's you...it's just the way it is.)
I just played a soccer game so I think tonight is beer rather than wine :)
I had to start hiding my friends on FB because literally 8 or 9 of them were pregnant or announcing it within a month. We aren't even allowed to start TTC until next year ... maybe longer. :(
@panterapeach: Wow... At least I'm not the only one. You are the only person that has explained exactly how I feel. I know what you are going through... Stay strong. OUR TIME WILL COME! And our pregnant bellies will be taking over Weddingbee :)
I feel the same way each time one of my friends has another baby. The little b*tch inside me goes, When will it be my turn!?
yes! Every time I see someone post something like, "We're not even engaged/ TTC and we're pregnant!" I want to be like, "noooo. Don't do it!" I feel bad :(
Can I join in? I've been feeling like this for months. I always feel guilty though. I'm so happy for everyone else, dont get me wrong. But i'm sad for me. :(
And everyone that's been struggling too. It's really hard. :(
I so understand. :( So sorry you are hurting. DH and I tried a year and a half before we enlisted the help of a Fertility Specialist. It took another 3 months of treatments after that to get a BFP. And to be honest I was THRILLED. Then I found out my cousin (who has a 5 month old) is pregnant too. REALLY?! Why couldn't it just be my turn? I felt so selfish.
So the feelings of jealousy never TRULY leave whether it's your turn to be pregnant or not.
Hope the wine and chocolate are helping :)
I feel that way everytime someone gives birth to a healthy baby. It's a sting that no matter how happy I am they don't know my pain, I can't stop. I thought it'd get easier now that I'm pregnant, but I won't know if I get to take this baby home either until I actually give birth to a living, breathing, healthy baby. It's so hard.
You're not alone or have anything wrong with you.
I'm with you too! I cringe every time I see the "We're pregnant and not happy about it" or the "we got pregnant on the first try! Woohoo!" It's wonderful for those who are happy about their pregnancies, but it's just hard to see when you're going on 8 months of trying and nothing. So I'm right there with you!
I definitely understand how hearing that other people are pregnant can be tough to swallow. I was ready to start TTC for a long time before my husband was. Before we even started, a friend and a relative both told me they were pregnant. I didn't have the slightest pang of jealousy & I was thrilled for both of them, but I did have a "Hurry up and be ready already, husband!!!" moment because I wanted to be pregnant as well.
However, it makes me sad to hear people say that they aren't as happy for those on these boards who say they got pregnant on the first try, or are having a "surprise baby." So far, I think the WB Babies Board is a very welcoming place, but this thread would make me think twice about posting if I got pregnant without trying or on the first try. I understand the feeling of a little pity party for yourself, but not being happy for others is a little more surprising to me. Especially when it extends beyond the boards into "real life" friends. Just remember that you never know what other people are going through. So it might be their first try or a surprise, but they might have other obstacles that they had to overcome.
@LoveHappy: I know I wrote that and I specifically said I didn't mean for anyone to feel bad, it's just harder to hear. Every single person posted about how guilty they feel for having these feelings in the first place. And each of these people are totally nice, supportive members of Weddingbee. We just need a place that we can vent to. I would classify these feelings as selfish, but not mean. I want every person's pregnancy to be completely successful.
This is partly why I wish there was just a TTC board. Having half the board super happy and excited and half the board trying to stay positive is hard.
@LoveHappy:I think that is the whole point of this post - people want to be happy for others, but the reality is, that it can be really hard for people who are TTC for awhile. And where else besides here can people be really honest about feeling that way?
I remember when we were TTC and a friend showed up to a party we had, told me she was pregnant and that is happened the first try, I was a mixture of happy and annoyed/bummed - but there was absolutely no one I could share this with because either they didn't know we were TTC or it would just come off badly.....thank goodness people have these boards to vent on!!
I couldn't agree with the two of you more. It's not that I'm not happy for those who are pregnant or who got pregnant on the first try, b/c I am...it's just definitely really hard to see that happen, b/c it's just plain not happening for us. And it's really hard to stay positive when it's happening for so many other people, and just isn't for you. I wouldn't wish ill on anyone who is pregnant, but I do try to stay away from those posts b/c it's just hard for me to read that they just came off the pill and are pregnant already.
@Mrs Green Grass: I wish there was a TTC or Trouble TTC board, too. I feel like there is so much more to talk about than can be contained in one thread. This was the only thread I found in the ideas forum for creating new baby boards: http://ideas.weddingbee.com/topic/splitting-babies-board?topic_id=603. Maybe we need to start new ideas for TTC and Trouble TTC boards?
Hugs to all the bees on this thread. I follow the TTC thread, and I am really looking forward to hearing about YOUR BFP announcements. :)
I'm feeling the same thing! I am truly happy for all the friends, even family that have told me they are pregnant or just had a baby...but inside im a little sad. It just hasnt been the right time for us, but now it fiiiinally is.
We just started TTC last night! So I'm crossing my fingers that in a few months we will be able to announce it too....although, personally i won't be making an online announcement via facebook. I have several friends that have been struggling to conceive so while I will to tell them, i know how it feels to see post after post of excitment.
We lost our first pregnancy so im really nervous about us starting to TTC...wish us luck!
I go through spurts. Some days I'm so jealous of everyone that's pregnant, those with their beautiful healthy babies.
Others I'm genuinely happy for them. I ride the train every morning and typically see the same people. There's this one lady I see every morning that I noticed was putting on some weight. I paid no never mind. This morning I saw her and her bump was HUGE! I was like, oh she's pregnant! That's awesome!! I felt like going up and congratulating her but might be a tad weird.
Agreed! I'm totally happy for any of the TTC Bees that got pregnant. Or even any Bees that were not trying, got pregnant and are happy they are!
The ones who accidentally got pregnant and my life is now over, kaput, finito, woe is me. Drives me crazy. I understand. But I still want to smack them bc they don't know how lucky they are.
I'm not TTC but I'll admit I used to feel this way about my friends who got engaged before me so I understand how you're feeling. I'm sure I didn't handle it the right way in my response to them, although I tried my best to sound nothing but excited and happy and never turn the subject back around to me.
Right now I'm jealous of other people who get pregnant, only because they KNOW they want to have a baby. I still can't decide if it's the right decision for me, and the indecision is stressing me out majorly. I"m also turning 30 this year so it won't be easy for us to get pregnant in a few years (considering it's 'easy' at this point) which is adding to the stress.
Aww I know it does sting a little.. Ok maybe a lot!! That day will come but think of it like this.. you can have the wine and other goodies bc of the sting. Dont get to down it will happen!! :) Good luck and enjoy your chocolate and wine.
@Mrs Green Grass: @Janna19: I completely understand what you are both saying. I have felt very similar feelings before-- so happy for others, but sad for yourself. I was actually ready to start TTC almost eight months before my husband. And we had a lot of ups and downs about our different timelines of when to start trying. So I DEFINITELY felt sad for myself when I found out my close friends/family were trying or expecting. I wanted that to be me so badly. So I definitely get it. (And right now I'm peeing on sticks like it's my job, all coming up negative!!!!!) I was just surprised at the number of comments on here specifically talking about other posters on the WB boards... I just thought that it might make some people think twice before posting their good news. Or coming here for support if they did get pregnant without trying and aren't sure what to do.
AWWWW thanks for all the support ladies! I agree in that it does feel a lot like waiting to get engaged. You are happy but deep down you have this man why not me train of thought you can't escape.
I totally know how you feel. Even knowing before TTC that I would have to seek the help of a fertility specialist doesn't make the pregnancy announcements any easier. I am genuinely happy for those who do get pregnant, no matter if it is the 1st try, 10th try or even an "oops". But it still stings because all you think about is why not me? Why can't I get pregnant?
I think if you are not TTC or if you had a relatively easy time getting pregnant, its hard to understand the feelings of those who have been trying for a long time and its not happening. It makes you more aware of how many people are getting pregnant around you. Around the time we started seeing a specialist, there were 4 women pregnant in my office. So yeah, I was totally jealous.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm guessing a lot of times those "accidental" pregnancies have just as hard a time telling you about their pregnancies because they feel crappy about it. I was in that boat with a friend of mine, and honestly, for me it was so hard to tell my friends that were/had been trying for awhile! If it makes you feel any better, when you all do get your BFP and your healthy baby makes his/her debut, maybe you won't feel as crappy and overwhelmed as I did with my "accident." (however, Kayla is absolutely the most awesome accident and I'm thankful for her every day!)
I totally know what you mean. I am so happy for my family and my friends that I could cry happy tears. But I also cry sad tears sometimes when I'm overwhelmed with my own desires to have a baby. It's hard but at the same time, let us all enjoy our wine, our chocolate, or time with our SOs....before life gets crazy! I feel your pain, but let's try and enjoy it too, however hard that is sometimes. Good luck everyone!!
@dchokiebride3: That is an awesome point. I am genuinely happy for you because Kayla sounds like a blessing that was in disguise at the time
I think most individuals are compassionate about others and they are genuinely happy for others.
Ultimately its human nature that everyone, at some point, wants something that someone else currently has or has the potential to have. It could be a baby, a ring, a good job, a big house, a nice car, a perfect body or whatever.
I really love the WB because you can express your joy for others at the same time expressing your desire to have those same things without others taking it offensively. Its one of the only places in the world, including in real life with others, that I can be as open and honest about my feelings.
XOXOXO and baby dust to all who want it of course :)
@panterapeach: ITOTALLYFEELYOURPAIN!!! LOL and it seems like alot more ppl i know are getting knocked up ahhh one day peach.. one day it shall be us :)
@jaylovessteez: why did I picture you shaking your fist in the air when I read that.
BWHAHAHAHAH
yes one day it will be our day for sure!!
@panterapeach: hahahaha all mad with a ice cold beer in the other hand.. lol
ahhh i am killing myself i didnt have 1 beer this past weekend to prove to myself that i am ready to give up alcohol to get ready to get prego... ahh but im on a pity party & going to a angel game tomorrow so its my turn for a ice cold beer...
@panterapeach: Please add a seat for me at this pity party! Right now I feel like it won't ever happen for me, that I just won't get pregnant. It is super hard seeing everybody who does get pregnant when I want it so bad. But I am happy for everybody else, though! I just want it to happen for me, too.
I know exactly how you feel. I got pregnant and we lost the baby in an early miscarriage - it's now been 5 cycles since that loss and I'm still not pregnant again. I cringe everytime someone tells me that they have good news to share. If it's to announce a pregnancy, it's not because I'm not happy for them..it's because I'm jealous and sad that I'm not in their shoes.
My brother and sister-in-law miscarried shortly after I did and I am so scared of the day that they come tell me that she's pregnant again when I'm not. I think I'll turn into a total mess. Again, I'll be happy for them but I'll be so sad for me.
I wish everyone posting on here lots of luck and good wishes. I hope that we all get pregnant with healthy babies before the year is over.
Chocovine. Best inventiion ever. It's like alcoholic chocolate milk.
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