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My FI got an e-mail from his aunt asking for the phone numbers of the church and reception location for our wedding. She wants to call ahead about bringing the future leader dog she's training. She then told us that the puppy was used to being around people and should be fine at both places. Finally, she asked if we had any concerns about the specific places, as in concerns about where the dog can be in them and how the dog will be comfortable at them NOT concerns about her actually bringing the dog. She never even asked us if it was ok for her to bring the dog in the first place. We don't want her to bring the dog and my FI is going to talk to her about it but we're both a little nervous and don't want her to be upset.
My head is spinning about the whole situation. Am I crazy? I understand that future leader dogs need to be trained, but do they really need to be trained at OUR WEDDING?? Are we being insensitive? It's not like she needs the dog for herself and we're saying not to bring it.
That's ridiculous. There are plenty of places she can train the dog in public that aren't someone's wedding. I see leader-dogs-in-training at the mall all the time. She could find an outdoor concert series if she wants to practice taking the dog around loud music. There is no reason why she needs to train the dog at the wedding. I would call her up and tell her that you don't really think it's appropriate, plus you want her to be able to be care free and enjoy the wedding without having to worry about the dog. Plus, since he is still training, he could act up (I mean, isn't that the point of the training in the first place) and you don't want her to have to try to deal with him in the middle of the ceremony.
Edit to say: I only say that she shouldn't bring him because she herself does not need him. It would be totally different if this were a service dog that she had because of a disability or something.
Well, I think it's perfectly reasonable that she bring the dog. It's not really her PET persay, she's training a leader dog. For blind people, right?!?! And leader dogs go EVERYWHERE their owner goes. Restaurants, stores, I mean, EVERYWHERE. That's sort of the point of training one, right? If she took the responsibility to train this dog, which comes with the caveit that it goes everywhere she goes. I can understand you thinking it's bizzare she bring the dog, but I'm sure she thinks it's strange NOT to bring the dog.
Leader dogs are incredibly well behaved. He'll sit next to her the whole time and be quiet.
We had dogs at our wedding. Lots of dogs, but we told friends that they could bring them. If it had been any other circumstances (We were at a 100+ acre forest site), I think I might have had a problem with it.
Maybe I would have been amenable to it if she had approached you guys about it before the venues. FI should definitely talk to her about it in a non-confrontational way!
I think it will be ok. But, I understand how you feel. I was at a wedding outdoors in MT where there were about 30 dogs, but people were also camping. I have seen it done, that's all I wanted to say.
Wow - what an unusual situation! If she does bring this dog, she should be totally responsible for the additional security deposits, which I'm sure you & your FI will incur. And she should be responsible for any damages that may be caused by the dog. This kind of goes without saying but I think you should cover all of this with her in advance.
i agree with ejs-- i know someone who trains leader dogs, and i think it is in their contracts that they have to bring the dog everywhere they go. the dogs are so incredibly well behaved, it's a really different situation than someone just wanting to bring their pet. if the aunt hasn't had the dog for very long, i could see it being a bit risky, but in general you probably won't even notice
I think it's perfectly acceptable. This dog is being trained and socialized and consequently can't just be left at home. Please understand, this dog is NOT a pet. Perhaps it would make you feel better if you had more education on the topic. I suggest doing a bit of research on these types of dogs, talk to the aunt about what can be expected and know that this dog is not going to go crazy and ruin your wedding. Remember, this is NOT a "normal" dog. This is a bit of a hot button topic for me because FI has a service dog, she does go everywhere with us, and we are occasionally harrassed by people who don't want a dog around. These are the same people who have no idea what she does for him.
ETA: I just wanted to throw in there that we are VERY grateful to the people who trained his dog. It takes a special kind of person to do it, and again, I encourage you to educate yourself about this process.
I don't really know about this. I voted No Way! But I guess it is true that if you were inviting someone who had the need for the leader dog; they would bring it regardless. However; since the dog isn't actually for her and it's basically a "learning" experience it seems a little odd. I don't know about trainers contracts and if they have to bring them everywhere or not. I guess it just depends. It just seems odd that she wouldn't even talk to you about it first and ask if it would be okay. Seems like she should have at least asked not just assumed and called on her own.
I would personally be ok with it, except for the fact that our dogs will be there. Our dogs are not really all that good with other dogs they don't know, and I don't set my dogs up for failure!
I am a huge dog person, though. I can understand people feeling differently.
Legally, if this is a training dog, you must allow her to bring it. Trainers and dogs-in-training have the same rights as lead dogs and their disabled owners.
Before I opened the post, I assumed you meant someone's actual regular pet. But if she is training a service dog I really do think it's fine. Especially if she is being proactive about calling ahead to your venues. It's important that those dogs experience all types of social situations.
If one of your guests had a disability and needed to bring their leader dog you wouldn't tell them they couldn't bring them, would you? We will have several blind guests at our wedding and while I don't think any of them actually have leader dogs, I would have no problem with them at the wedding if they were in training or already established. They do not behave like regular dogs.
I think she could practice elsewhere if you're not comfortable with the idea. It is your wedding after all!
It would have been nice of her to talk to you about it first- but you really should try to be understanding in this situation i think.
No- I don't care how "good" the dog is... even if it is a future service dog- it is not appropriate for a large variety of reasons. If there are children there, they will want to pet it- then stick their hands in their mouths eating their cake. And if she sets up a no petting policy, that will become distracting. The wedding will become all about the dog. JMO.
Miss Biner, this is a private event and a bride can exclude people from her wedding for any reason she wishes - including discriminatory ones so I believe your post is incorrect.
Whether it is nice or not to exclude the dog and thus the aunt is a different question.
Is your FI close to the aunt? Could the aunt have expected that you'd already know about the dog/expect the dog at your wedding?
I agree that the aunt was rude in not talking to you about it but I would let the dog and aunt attend.
I voted no way, but I guess I actually have a caveat. There are some things that would change my mind one way or the other.
First, how old is the dog? How long has it been "in training?" If it is a young puppy with little training, then I would say no. Crate the dog somewhere or don't come. I know it's rude to uninvite someone, but if a 12 week old puppy is going to be peeing in the aisle then I would risk the etiquette offense to avoid it. And in all reality, the aunt should have RSVPd no in the first place if the dog isn't trained well enough yet anyway!
If the dog is over a year old (my arbitrary choice) and had been in training since it was removed from its litter and was very unlikely to act up, then I would say yes you can bring your dog BUT: 1) You must sit in the back near an exit and 2) You must agree to immediately leave if the dog cannot handle the wedding or the reception.
If this was an actual dog in service, then I wouldn't have a problem with it, as most people with service dogs also have the common sense to leave an area where their dog is acting up. Trained service dogs aren't perfect either, but their owners know that and will generally not "hijack" an event by staying while their dog chews on the church pews or barks at the organist.
@FMILady: Actually, you'd be amazed. When children approach FI and his dog, it's usually because they have asked if it's okay. We have never had a small child just walk up and pet her, and we have only had a twelve year old do it once, at which time we gently let him know that he needed to ask first. The other situation is people asking if it's okay to pet her, and it usually is. We instruct her to sit, and she sits, and then she can receive pets. The other situation is people's kids point out the dog, and their parents let them know that the doggie is helping that man. And then life moves on.
Yes, life moves on.
The room doesn't stop and look at us for more than a moment, and then it's over. The WEDDING will not be stolen by a future service dog, just like the wedding would not be stolen by a MIL wearing white.
OMFG If someone asked me this question, I would go apeshit bonkers cookoo batshit crazy all over them!
There's different levels of training for a service dog.
1) First year of life - learning basic comands, socially growing, getting used to being in stores, cars, etc.. and starting to do tasks towards the later part of that first bit of training time.
This level dog, I would personally "prefer" stayed at home, but if the owner is taking responsibility (as they must) it's up to her.
2) "Advanced" training. During this stage they are essentially a "service dog" but still learning and growing. After this, they will be matched with their owner.
If you do approach it at all, I would say "Aunt ___, the main thing is that we don't want you to miss out because of the dog. We're so grateful for the work you do, but we really want to celebrate with you at our wedding and have you be able to dance, socialize, and have a great time."
I'm voting "yes, no problem" because if she WAS disabled, there would be no question as to whether or not the dog could come. I've known some service dogs, and I know people who train them... they HAVE to be there with their "work vest" on and will indeed be very well behaved.
So bluebride, what did you decide? I think it was rude of her not to ask you guys first.
I wouldn't have a problem with it. Aside from the fact that I love dogs, this isn't a normal dog. Its a working dog. Like others have said... its her job to take the dog EVERYWHERE. And who really cares if the dog is there? Whats it going to do?
I feel horribly selfish for not wanting the dog there, I just wish she had brought this up to us in a different way and maybe not 3 weeks before the wedding since we've seen her several times in the last few months usually without the dog (I actually forgot that she had one because her and her husband share the training responsibilities). Last time I saw the dog was Christmas and it was still in its jumping up on people and trying to get table scraps stage. I'm assuming that it's past this point of its training now. If we were having an outdoor or garden type wedding I don't think I would have cared at all. But we're having a very formal ceremony and the reception is at a downtown location with no really good places for her to take the dog when it needs to go outside or if there are any problems.
I'm usually a very understanding and level headed person, it's just that we've had all kinds of special requests from people in the last couple days and I think reading her e-mail threw me over the edge. I actually saw a helper dog last week and thought about her and figured it wasn't coming because she hadn't mentioned it to us.
I completely understand that this dog is not a pet, but its also not completely trained. If it were her helper dog there would definitely be no question about it.
Oh my goodness! I would say no way to the dog. Even the most well behaved dogs have their moments
I really think this is one of those things you should just get over. She legally has a right to bring the dog and she is doing everything she can to try and make the situation as easy as possible.
From what I know/think people who train dogs are very serious about their work. It could be very offending if you try to approach her about this subject and may cause more of an issue then needs to be.
I don't think you're over-reacting at all.
I understand that service dogs need to be trained in public situations but I think it's a bit rude of her to just assume that you would be okay with it. I mean what if you or your FI were allergic? I think she should have come to the two of you first and explained the situation and asked if you'd be okay with it.
That said - she already missed that step so I guess you need to decide IF you are okay with it. I personally wouldn't mind, but that's because we are having a less formal event.
However you are 100% entitled to request that she leave it elsewhere, do not feel bad about it - it's your wedding, this dog is not someone's actual service dog (yes, it's training but it's not actually aiding a disabled guest - which if that were the case you would have known about the dog from the beginning). So legally - a VENUE would have to allow it but YOU do not, just as you can exclude people's children.
I voted yes because this is a service dog. She will be responsible for the behavior of this dog, and if she were a guest in that had a service dog, she would have to bring the dog or not come. It is not her pet. It is a working dog and needs to be exposed to all kinds of situations. I, personally, think that this would be a wonderful opportunity for the dog to get some exposure to a new situation. If it were my wedding, I would not have a problem with it.
It's a tough situation to be in. However, it is your wedding and it is your day. The dog is in training, it is not a service animal for one of your guests. Obviously, if that were the case, it would not be an issue. I can see your concerns, you spoke of the dog's behavior at Christmas. It would have been appropriate and courteous for the aunt to have asked you.....but that didn't happen.
I don't know what the right answer is here, and I see if from both sides. Sorry and best of luck. But, I think it comes down to, it is your wedding. Do what is right for you.
This is a service dog in training correct? Then, no she doesn't need to ask you for permission, seeing as service dogs are allowed anywhere people can go (which means she doesn't need to clear it with the venue either). If she were actually disabled would you have a problem with it? My guess would be no. It takes a lot of work to train these dogs and they have to be with their trainer all the time. That's how they learn...
Curious to what you ended up doing here.
Also, shame on you guys who point out that she "legally" has a right. BS! This is someone's wedding! In no way is Bluebride obligated to welcome this guest or her dog to her wedding.
I am not a "dog person", but probably would have been ok with the uninvited four-legged guest if it were presented in the right way. The aunt really should have confirmed that detail with the bride and groom.
I'd let her do it. Its for a great purpose. If she wanted to bring her pomeranian in a pink duffle bag, just because she doesn't want to leave her alone, then you'd have a problem. But since that's not the case, I'd let her bring it. The only concern I'd have is allergies. Is it possible to see if anyone has any severe allergy to dogs? Or any fear of dogs for that matter. Barring those issues, it sounds harmless.
And it really bothers me that people keep saying she can "practice" with the dog elsewhere. And that this isn't the proper social occasion for her to "practice." It's not practice people it's life! I just truly can't get over the selfishness in this thread (not necessarily you original poster, I'm referring to comments made). This dog HAS to be with the trainer at all times. The dog and trainer have the same exact rights as a lead dog and it's owner...
According to law, service dogs are allowed in all public and private facilites as long as they are with the owner.
I'll preface this by saying that I'm one of the biggest dog lovers you'll ever meet and I wish my parents' dog could come to my wedding (but she's the WORST behaved dog on the face of the earth).
I think it was really not OK of her not to mention it to you guys first. All of the talk on here about "what if it was someone's service dog?" is pointless and off-topic because that isn't the situation. I'm sure the OP would not be upset about the dog if it were a blind relative and guest's service dog as she (or her FI, or somebody)would have known that the dog comes with the territory for that guest.
I would let it go personally but maybe find out if any guests are severely allergic or if like a PP said there is anyone with a fear of dogs. To those people, the fact that it is a service animal is a moot point because their allergies or mental fear of dogs doesn't discriminate.
As I believe another poster mentioned...while the venues legally must allow the dog to be present, the bride does not. She can choose who attends her own events.
I think you have the right to be confused by the situation. You said that this aunt has gone ELSEWHERE without the dog. So why does she HAVE to bring the dog this time? Seems like kind of a part-time trainer to me...a little fishy to insist the dog HAS to be everywhere you are, but then the dog ISN'T always where you are...that isn't how the training program works. I'm skeptical of the aunt and her motivations...
Like Jennifer just pointed out, this would be a problem for me because my step dad has sevre allergies to animal hair. I mean if the dog was far enough away from him it would not be a problem, and if a disabled person was coming to my wedding, I would def. let them bring their dog, and just let Step dad know that it was coming, but I don't know what I would do if a large group of people who were allergic to animal hair were coming to my wedding cause then I would think it near impossible for them to stay far away from the dog, so yea I would def, check that.
But regardless I don't think I would be comfrtable with it unless the dog is trained, and I mean out of his begging for scraps and jumping on people stage. I mean the Aunt is not disabled herself. I don't know, It's a tough situation. I would ask her if the dog is well tranined now, and if it is I would allow it.
It's funny how quickly some people on here are ready to tell me that I'm crazy for even thinking that this situation is a little odd. I'm just asking what people think, I don't need a lecture about how great serice dogs are and how I can't do anything about it because the dog has rights. Even if she doesn't need to ask me if its ok for her to bring the dog, I just think it was rude for her to not mention it to us any of the last times she's seen us. I know they do great things and I know they need to learn. But the damn dog didn't put her name on the RSVP :)
I do appreciate people mentioning the allergy thing though. I hadn't thought about it at all I know there are a couple people in the wedding (and I'm sure some who will be at the wedding) who have animal allergies. I don't think any of them are severe enough to be triggered by one dog in the same room, but I'll have to check... one more thing to add to my list.
I totally understand that if you don't want dogs at the wedding, you wouldn't invite her. And if this weren't a dog-in-training or a service dog, I'd definitely say no as well. But if she's an invited guest already, and this is indeed a dog-in-training as you mentioned, you unfortunately, can't say no. You can look this all up on the ADA (American's With Disabilities Act).
Oh gosh. I'd be really nervous having a dog in training at my wedding.
There is no question, she should have talked to you about it (months before the wedding, not 3 weeks before the wedding). Since she goes places with out the dog, then its reasonable to ask her to keep the dog at home if you are uncomfortable having the dog at the wedding.
Obviously if the dog was fully trained this would be a non-issue.
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