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10.28.10 cruise...anyone else?

Can I bring someone not named on the invite?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ok in this situation to bring my father instead of my boyfriend as my "date"
    yes, since your father was invited anyways : (26 votes)
    58 %
    No, since he is not named on the invite and he declined his own invitation : (10 votes)
    22 %
    It depends, please explain... : (9 votes)
    20 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    Krises       NYC

    I know people get all up in arms about people bringing other people to the wedding that weren't on the named invite, and I don't want to offend anyone, but here is the situation:

    My best friend from high school is getting married this weekend. Due to a last minute work emergency, my boyfriend can't make it with me since he won't be able to get out of work early enough to travel with me (wedding is 4+ hrs from where we live).  Both our names were on my invitation (i.e. it wasn't a +1, but an invitation for me and my live in boyfriend)

    My father was invited to the wedding, but since his then fiance was not invited (due to space limitations), he declined the invitation. My sister and mother will also be attending. Now that my father's situation has changed, and my boyfriend also can't attend, I am going to bring my Dad, if he wants to come.

    In my opinion, I think its better to bring my Dad, and thus, not waste a meal that was already paid for. I feel very badly that my boyfriend can't make it, but sometimes, work has to come first.  Is this absolutely horrible? I'd try to get ahold of my friend to ask, but her wedding is tomorrow so I think she has other things on her mind, plus she's hard to get ahold of on a good day. I don't want to offend anybody either by taking someone other than the person on the invite.

     
    2.
    Member
    3,706 posts
    Sugar bee
    7SEVENJ9    September 25, 2010  

    I tihnk if you call your friend and ask if she minds, this wouldn't be a problem... I know her wedding is tomorrow, but I'm sure she'd be happier to get the call than to just be confused at the reception when she sees your father and not your fiance!

     
    3.
    Member
    4,019 posts
    Honey bee
    jennifer_espos    June 18, 2010   NYC

    I think this is something you'd have to check with the bride about.  I wouldn't of minded if this happened.  But she might have a problem it, just because she may have already done placecards.  I'm sure she'll be ok with it though. 

     
    4.
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    messybride    November 13, 2010   Illinois

    can you send her a text and ask? say something like, "sorry to bother you on such a busy day..." and explain the situation?

     
    5.
    Member
    6,032 posts
    Bee Keeper
    PrncssDva    October 16, 2010   Memphis, TN

    I agree with asking first. It probably won't be a problem, but it's proper to call and ask.

     
    6.
    Member Icon
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    denverbirdlet    September 18, 2010   Denver, getting married in Madison, WI

    I think it's alright, since your father was an invited guest already.  If it was a random person that your friend didn't know, that's a different story, but since he is obviously known by the bride and indeed was invited himself, I don't think it'll be a big deal/problem.

     
    7.
    1,681 posts
    Bumble bee
    Soon2beeMrsM    October 2010   NY

    I would call her/text her whatever you need to do to ask her, it's her wedding and you don't want to offend her or upset her.

     
    8.
    Member
    5,166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I would also call her and explain your situation. Just be prepared if she says no to accept that. You don't want to cause her any stress on her day, so respect her wishes either way she goes.

     
    9.
    Member
    3,706 posts
    Sugar bee
    7SEVENJ9    September 25, 2010  

    Definitely agree with the placecard point - don't stress out the bride by catching her off guard on the day of. I'd reach out to her for sure.

     
    10.
    Member
    2,292 posts
    Buzzing bee
    spaganya    September 4, 2010   Arlington, VA/wedding in Williamsburg, VA

    i would ask first - since you are trying to sub in for someoen who cant come at the last minute so a meal isnt wasted, and its probably not a big deal since he was invited anyway just declined.

    im sure it will be fine, but i would be polite and ask her (or her mom or whomever is doing the hosting of the meals etc.) if its ok.

     
    11.
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    Krises       NYC

    Ok thanks. I will try calling, and if I can't get ahold of her, I'll call her mother instead.

     
    12.
    Member
    2,043 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Ella1978    June 19, 2010   Cleveland, Ohio

    Yeah, I'd call.  If he was already invited, you know it's not someone that she doesn't want there, I wouldn't find it to be a problem if I were the bride.

     
    13.
    Member
    1,770 posts
    Buzzing bee
    PinkPinstripes    November 2011   Boston, MA

    I think its considerate of you to recognize that your boyfriend's meal has been paid for.

    So, was your Dad sent an invite and he declined?

    Definately keep trying to get a hold of her just to double check.

     
    14.
    Member
    1,443 posts
    Bumble bee
    stillme    October 2010  

    Bring your dad! It's totally fine. What matters is that the meal count remain the same, which is what you're doing. I think it'd be worse to show up by yourself when you rsvp-ed for 2 people. 

     
    15.
    Member
    5,511 posts
    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    Definitely call and find out first... but, if she doesn't respond or you can't get a response from anyone close to her - I'd say definitely bring your dad!  You want to fill the already paid for seat, IMO, than not.

     
    16.
    Member
    3,044 posts
    Sugar bee
    camrie    September 5, 2010   Louisville

    I'm sure it's fine since it's not like you're adding someone or trying to bring someone the bride and groom don't know or don't like. If you can't get ahold of her - let her mom know and mentiona something about trying to let her know ahead of time at the wedding.

     
    17.
    Member
    3,501 posts
    Sugar bee
    Baileyh    July 24, 2010   Vancouver

    You need to call the bride

     
    18.
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    Krises       NYC

    @PinkPinstripes: Yes, my dad declined  his invitation because his fiance was not invited. He didn't feel comfortable being at the wedding with his ex (my mom) when his fiance was not invited. He and his fiance are no longer together (another  story for another day) so his reason for declining the invite is no longer relevant.

     
    19.
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    Krises       NYC

    @messybride: She doesn't have texting on her phone (i know!!!), but I will try calling her, her mother, or even her sister (the MOH) just so I have all my bases covered.

     
    20.
    Member
    783 posts
    Busy bee
    tomboypink      

    I think it's fine since he was already invited.  But because he initially declined, I would double check with the bride.

     

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