(Closed) Can I buy out my bridal party!?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2005

first and fore most, this IS YOUR DAY, and you don’t need the drama, if buying out your bridesmaids is going to make you sleep a little better at night then DO IT, I think having your brothers who are family and mean more to you standing next to you is awesome. If you are going to be in a consent fight with your bridesmaids, then i think you do whats best for you, ask them to step down and see if the dress shop will refund their deposit and if they wont, and you are willing to refund the money then do it ! I wsh you the best of luck 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, none of my bridesmaids are doing anything to help me get ready for the wedding which is less than 3 weeks away. Okay, one of them folded some things, but that’s it…and there are 5 of them. Don’t stress and don’t lose friends over something you may regret. Weddings are a stressful time, so just sit back and think about everything.

Post # 6
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Ok, well here’s my 2 cents.

I don’t think your giving these girls the right tools with which to succeed at being good bridesmaids.   They didn’t offer their help, true – which is awful, really.  But then when they ask you what you need help with you say “it’s fine.”  That’s not helping this situation.  TELL THEM WHAT YOU NEED.  They are not mind-readers. 

I think you at least should call them all – today – and tell them the truth.  You are upset that they haven’t helped.  You haven’t been honest with them when they have offered assistance.  Your feelings are hurt. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed. 

Tell them how you are feeling yourself. Don’t let them hear it from others.   Give them a chance to make it right.  And if they still don’t change their ways, buy em out.   But at least, this way, you’ve given them a second chance.

And start – today – being honest and upfront about what you need.

This quote is on the side of my yoga bag, but I love it.  I think it’s SO true.

“Communication is COMPLICATED. Remember that each person is raised in a slightly different family with slightly different definitions of every word. An agreement is an agreement only if each party knows the conditions for satisfaction and a time is set for satisfaction to occur.”

I know you said you don’t like to be confrontational, but I think sometimes, as women, we confuse confrontation with “bitchy”.  That’s just not so.

Speak to these women from the heart, and be clear and concise. 

Be strong!  You can do it!

Post # 8
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

@AutumnD: I would give up the idea of a group meeting.  Just talk to them individually.    They do sound rather flaky.  Are you the first one in your group to get married?  It sounds like they just don’t understand how epic wedding planning can get,

But like I said, I’d give em one more chance – after telling them straight out what you need and expect – and if they still are being shi**y, cut them loose!

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Autumn, I come from an Italian family myself so I can definitely understand your predicament. I would say its too late to kick them all out. Just try to get together with them individually. You don’t have to specifically say its for wedding talk ONLY that may be a bit intimidating but just ask them out for coffee and naturally wedding stuff will come up. If you appear to them as care free as you say then this should be a breeze of a conversation!

Post # 10
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have learned quickly that 1) no one cares about my wedding even a tenth as much as I do and 2) bridesmaids are not obligated to help. All they really HAVE to do is buy a dress and show up on the day…and they technically should be nice about it, and be nice along the way! But we al know that that is not always the case.

I would not try to do a group, let’s all talk about the wedding thing. That just breeds “ugh, she only wants to talk about herself” thoughts in BMs who are already being snarky. I would do what some other bees have suggested, and talk to them individually, adressing what they have said and done that has been hurtful.

I know I have had dreams of me and my bridal party sitting around, crafting and drinking cocktails and laughing – it ain’t happening. It sucks! I have a couple of girls who would be excited to do that with me…but definitely some who would not.

Good luck, I hope you end up happy and unstressed with whatever you decide.

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sorry but your BMs are not required to help you.  They are only required to buy a dress and show up on time.  Mine haven’t really helped me and I’m perfectly fine with that, as I like to things myself.  If you kick them out then you are essentially ruining your friendship over nothing.  And the fact is they do ask what’s up when they hear you’re upset and you tell them it’s no big deal so honestly what do you expect? 

Post # 12
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I had a similar situation with my bridesmaids.

I thought about just letting them all go, and, like you, paying their non-refundables. My FI convinced me that I needed to talk to the girls. If I was so at-ease talking about them behind their backs, he said, why couldn’t I talk to the girls who I deemed good enough friends to be my bridesmaids?

Since they were in Michigan, and I now live in SC, I called them all, individually. I told each girl they were important to me, and that’s why I’d asked them to be part of my wedding, but that I felt like they weren’t interested, and asked if this was really something they wanted to be a part of, or if it was just a financial inconvenience and they’d like an easy way out.

All of them apologized and asked what they could do to help from afar. I gave each girl some small tasks, and felt so much better afterwards.

Remember that this is your wedding, and you shouldn’t have to share all your wonderful pre-wedding moments, from the parties and favor preparation to that moment in your room where you don your gown, with people who don’t care about sharing that moment in your life…

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