Post # 1
I have a fairly small family 11 people (plus two spouses). My one cousin never comes, which I’ve gotten used to. Then last month my aunt told me she wasn’t coming (she is pretty much my mother) and that sucked. My other cousin mentioned she wasn’t coming. Now my brother told me he and the kids aren’t coming either 🙁 That is more than half my family MIA on Christmas … only my brother has a valid reason for not coming.
This is going to be one sad (and small) Christmas gathering 🙁 My aunt and brother and fam weren’t at thanksgiving either which just adds to the situation.
Post # 3
focus on sharing the joy with whoever is there. just because it’s small doesn’t mean it’s any less happy!
Post # 4
@kitzy: I’m trying. I got to celebrate with those same people at Thanksgiving, I was really looking forward to seeing the people who couldn’t come to Thanksgiving at Christmas.
I’m not terribly close to either of my uncles, so it’ll be nice to see them. But it won’t be the same without my brother and the family. I missed them last christmas because DH and I had to head out to his family before they got there.
Post # 5
Im going through the same thing. My side of the family bailed on our christmas eve party that we are hosting so it will just be me and the boy and 4 of his family members.
Try to focus on the people that WILL be there. I am thinking of some fun new recipes to try out, going all out on the decorating, etc. It might seem silly for just 6 people but its important to me. Its always hard getting everyone together on holidays (every one of our immediate family members lives in a different state now), but like I said try to focus on the people that will be there and making it a memorable holiday.
Post # 6
For the past few years we’ve celebrated Christmas just with our nuclear family (my parents, me and my brother, and our S/Os). Honestly I kind of love not getting out of PJs all day. Embrace it!
Post # 7
I’m not playing the one up game here, but because of my work I have not been able to do family Christmas for the past two years. FH does have the time off to go home, so he’ll spend Xmas day with me and then fly home to his family for a few days. While I am by myself. At work. With a little table top Christmas tree. And my sisters are with my parents and my stocking and childhood ornaments.
So, I feel you on the “not-festive family togetherness” Christmas, but enjoy everyone who can come and celebrate together. Don’t let them ruin your holiday cheer!
Post # 8
No, you’re not allowed to cancel Christmas 🙂 A small gathering should be more relaxed, right?
Post # 9
Yep, my whole family is across the country now and the ones that are left don’t get along. Our family holiday gatherings are pretty pathetic too. It can definitely be depressing but try to focus on the family you have there. Maybe a more intimate get together will be nice!
Post # 10
@Miss Peach Tree: I totally agree with this. I also don’t mean to one-up you, but I did chuckle a little when you said that your “small” family was 11 people.
My husband has his father.
And that’s it.
Thanksgiving was just us 3. And so I completely know how you’re feeling.
Post # 11
although it sucks for you i dont agree with your statement about only your brother having a “valid reason” for not coming – why does someone need a valid reason to say no thankyou?
personally i am flying my husband and myself off to a tropical island for 10 nights to avoid families over christmas – im fed up with everything having to be a “have to” about christmas. we have to see my siblings, we have to see my mother, we have to see his family, we have to go see friends – i made a decision that christmas is about us and i dont care about everyone elses agenda
sorry – obviously i needed a vent about how other people deem their christmas plans more important than what people wish for themselves
Post # 12
@OP I totally get how you feel. When I was younger we used to have HUGE family get togethers at the holidays, and now that everyone has grown, our holidays are much smaller. They don’t seem to be as fun as they used to be.
@coconutmellie: Are your husband’s parents divorced? I thought I recently saw a post by you about problems with your MIL and SIL. Did I miss something?
Post # 13
@Miss Steinbeck: Yes. They were divorced so long ago that it’s almost as if they were never married. My husband chooses to ignore that his mother and his mother’s side of the family exists and wishes that I would too. 😉
Post # 14
@coconutmellie: Oh, that’s a little sad your husband doesn’t have relationship w/his mom, but I would imagine ignoring them is less drama for you. I wish I had the option to ignore my FMIL.
Post # 15
DH’s family does not celebrate any holidays. We will have lunch with them the day after Christmas, that is it. His father, though still married to his mother, will be excluded from the celebration because the rest of the family (excluding me) hates him. Two years ago when I tried to host Christmas, my uncle and cousins backed out on December 23 — after I’d bought all the food and been cleaning and polishing the house for 3 days! Instead of Christmas for 15, we had it for 4. 🙁
I remember the big family gatherings from when we were younger as well. I miss them because most of those people are no longer of this Earth. The truth is, we don’t have ANYTHING in common with most of those left.
So we will enjoy our small holidays, and create new traditions. As PP have said, embrace it!
Post # 16
@coconutmellie: I suppose I should have given the perimeters when I said “small family” I meant small extended family, that includes all aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings etc. My husbands extended family is 52 people, my best friends extended family is 88!
Now, I realize there are people who’s entire entire extended family is less than 11, in my life though, 11 people is small.
Because we are small, we have always gotten together as an entire family at Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is the only time we see each other for the most part (which I realize is the case with most people and their extended family). The same people who aren’t coming to Christmas also weren’t at Thanksgiving … I just wish we could celebrate as a whole family.
@eloping: We’ll agree to disagree 🙂 IMO Christmas is a time you should celebrate with family as a whole, and if it is possible to see both families the same day, even better. I know it can be stressful because family want “dibs”, but they need to be understanding that there are more peole to accomodate now.
But, going to a tropical island … that sounds awesome! 🙂