(Closed) Can I de-invite a guest to my wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I hate people like this. I used to work with a girl who was kind of like that. She would say really rude things to me, but she didn’t even realize they were rude. It made my blood boil. Did you send invites yet? If you did, I kinda think you have to still invite her… it’s really bad to uninvite… but if you just said you were going to, maybe you could make an excuse about having to trim down the guest list?? 

Post # 4
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Your co-worker sounds like a major pill!  But unfortunately, you can’t really uninvite her if the invitations have already gone out.  That would be incredibly rude. 

If you haven’t sent out invitations, and only told her you’d invite her, you may have a bit more wiggle room.  But you’ll have to bite the bullet and tell her that she and her husband didn’t make the final guest list cut, don’t just hope she’ll take the hint.  Explain that you guys had to make some last-minute adjustments and you’re sorry, but you just couldn’t include all of your co-workers.  (Note: this only works if you also excluded some other co-workers.  Singling her out as the only co-worker you didn’t invite is going to cause more drama than it’s worth.)

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Ew, why’d you invite her in the first place? Was she always like that? Hopefully since she is so critical she’ll just pass, but I find people like that always show up where they are not actually wanted ;). But no, I don’t think you can uninvite your coworker. That would make the relationship a lot worse!

Post # 8
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry, I know it’s rude, but if you really strongly feel like you don’t want her there, I’d uninvite her. I’d be upfront and try to explain that I feel like a lot of her comments are inappropriate and seem to want to bring me down and I just don’t want to be subjected to that on my wedding day. Maybe still leave the invitation open just request that if she comes, she can keep her commentary to herself.

Idk, that’s a tough one but if it were me I honestly don’t think I could play nice if she crossed the line at my own wedding!

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It sounds like this is someone you need to have a chat to, wedding invitation or no wedding invitation.

Buck up, invite her to coffee (after work is best in case the conversation doesn’t go well), and as hcritton said, speak with her about her hurtful comments. This isn’t something you want to deal with on your wedding day, nor is it something you want as part of your daily interaction with her at work.

If she gets it and makes an effort to change, I think you should keep her on the invite list. $200 is a lot to fork over for a couple who aren’t on your "favorite people" list, but you did extend the invitation, so accept that and move on. HOWEVER, if she continues to be antagonistic towards you, I wouldn’t think twice about being so bold as to uninvite her.

After your discussion, the normal response should be to apologize and work on changing that behavior. But if you find that she’s clearly not interested in your feelings and cultivating a better relationship with you, then her response to being uninvited shouldn’t be your concern.

Post # 11
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I dont think you should have any talk with her, the last thing you need after the wedding is work drama.

If the invites are out, then you are going to have to suck it up that she is going. Only thing you can do is if she doesnt trspond by ur rsvp date, mention to her after oh sorry you couldnt make it to my wedding and if she said oh no i can come, you say you already turned in your numbers and that you can no longer change it.

Or if its pass the rsvp date and she said maybe, tell her you need a definite answer because you are putting done your final deposit by friday

The only way to uninvite w/o major drama for you is if no actual invite was given

Post # 13
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Ohhh in that case, if you are for sure quitting, dont need her for reference, then i say go ahead but maybe try to soften the blow with an excuse, but if you dont care at all then just uninvite her and hope you dont need to see her again!

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee

No, unfortunately once you invite someone you can’t uninvite them once you have mailed the invitation. If you have not sent the invitation in the mail then she is technically not invited and you can just say the number of invitees changed as your family had additional out of town guests that are now able to attend limiting your list of friends.  However, there will be so many people at your wedding and you will be so busy that you will barely even get to talk to those who are important to you.

Post # 15
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

yeah once you invite someone, uninviting them is sorta tacky…the good thing is you’re at the wedding and reception and have so many other guest, you won’t have time to entertain her negativity, and I’m sure whomever she sits around will let her know about herself if she says negative things, so let her come…I’m sure she’s jealous, so give her something to talk about!!!  Lol!

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