Can I do legal paperwork to get married without telling my mother?

posted 3 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you’re going to get married privately now, two years before your planned public ceremony, I think you should tell your mother, especially if you intend to remain on her health insurance benefits.

Post # 4
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@abchelby:  You should do what you need to do to make life easier for yourselves. 

Post # 5
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If you are adult eough to get married you should be adult enough to tell her that you are choosing to do so. She has no obligation to keep you on her insurance, so I think the moral thing would be to tell her and either deal with the consequences (get married and get your own insurance) or hold of on getting married.

Post # 7
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Regarless of any of the other issues that this could cause:

You may want to check the requirements for name changes where you live.  Some only allow you to change it for free for a certain period of time like 30 days or 6 months.  After that you could have to pay for the legal court name change which could be hundreds of dollars.  But I have no idea how it works where you live.

Post # 8
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@ieatunicorns:  +1  I don’t think there is anything good in keeping this kind of information from your mother.  

Post # 9
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Are you getting financial aid for school? Getting married might change your financial aid either for the worst or better – I wouldn’t know which. You should do what’s best for you BUT you shouldn’t be sneaking around. 

ETA: You can get married without her knowing. 

Post # 10
Member
3889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ieatunicorns:  +1

if you can’t pay for your own insurance, then you need to convince your mother to allow you to stay on hers once you’re married, or wait to get married. Life is full of challenging situations and you need to learn how to handle them in an adult manner if you ever want to have a healthy relationship.

@Chrysoberyl:  forge documents and lie to your mother? That’s okay if it makes your life easier?

Post # 12
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@abchelby:  I would simply be honest with her as to all of the reasons you and your FI plan to get married now and that you’re still planning to have a big vow-renewal ceremony and reception with all of the trimmings in two years.

Post # 16
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes you can stay on her insurance regardless of whether or not you are married and you don’t have to disclose it.  I didn’t have to tell my mom’s insurance company that I got married it only came up with them when I changed my name and had to explain the reason for the name change.  Even then they can’t kick you off until you reach 26.

However, if you are seriously ready to start a life with someone by getting married then you should be honest about it with your mom.  Don’t try to hide it.  You also need to be prepared for the worst case scenario – if she does kick you off the insurance or decides not to continue carrying you next year/whenever her plan renews, then you need to have a backup plan which might be exploring options through your employer or your school (since you mentioned that you are a full time student).

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