Post # 1
I’m new here but I thought maybe I could ask for help with an issue I’m having with my fiance. He started a new job a couple of weeks ago and has become close friends instantly with his work associates. Understandable, since he spends a lot of time with them. There are a few guys but most are girls. I’m away out of the country for a while and he wanted to have a get together at his apartment for all of his new work friends- which would involve a number of the girls sleeping over. I immediately felt uncomfortable with this. I trust him completely I just don’t think it’s appropriate for an engaged man to have lady friends over that I dont know, while I’m not there. And frankly I’m hurt that he would even want to. Some advice? Am I being unreasonable? Or is he in the wrong?
Post # 3
@danifannie21: I don’t think you should worry about whether you are being reasonable versus unreasonable. If he’s going to be your husband you should be able to share your feelings with him either way. You should just tell him you are uncomfortable with it.
Post # 4
I don’t see anything wrong with him having them over, but why would some of the girls be sleeping over? That part doesn’t make sense, and I can understand being uncomfortable with that.
Post # 5
@danifannie21: I would personally not be okay with this. Girls sleeping at the house when you’re not there is not okay especially considering these are girls newly in his life. However, everyone has different opinions on these types of scenarios. Tell your FI how you truly feel in a non-confrontational way.
Post # 6
@danifannie21: Like another user answered, it’s not up to us to say if it is reasonable or not (but i think it is TOTALLY innapropriate) you are half of the marriage and hopefully he will respect you saying no. i think most wives/husbands would do the same thing.
Post # 7
Um…that seems a little inappropiate to me, but it dosn’t matter how I feel about it. You need to tell him how you feel.
Post # 8
@danifannie21: women sleepovers. hell no. having a party of new colleagues without you, nope. personally, i wouldn’t go for either. that being said, we live together so any parties we have are joint affairs. if he wants to spend time with colleagues outside of work (which isn’t always a great idea), i think they should go for happy hour to a public place and call it a day. if he wants to invite them into his home, i think he sould wait fir you to get back to town and the two of you shuld host the party together.
Post # 9
I think it’s inappropriate for any type of adult sleepover with co-workers. All sorts of things could happen that could lead to problems. Believe it or not even sexual harrassment charges can be raised from outside of work activities. I think he needs to cancel his plans for this shindig pronto.
Post # 10
I had initially expressed my discomfort in a non-confrontational way and he immediately got upset with me, saying that just because I felt it was inappropriate, doesn’t mean that it is and that I was being unreasonable. I think this is a serious issue we may have to work out 🙁
Post # 12
@cruffino: This. I would expect my husband to respect my wishes if I said no. You’re not saying that they can’t hang out, or hang out outside of work, just not at your house while you are not there. I’d tell my husband I’d love to have all these people over to meet them, and set up a date once I’m home. This is showing compromise – just having a bunch of women over while you are uncomfortable about it is not showing compromise on his side.
I hope you’ll be able to get through to him, good luck.