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My FI sometimes drives me crazy as well!
I think this is a typical problem. You guys will adjust to eachother more...and in time I'm sure you both will change a bit. But don't lose what you love about eachother :)
He will change slightly with time. I have been with my husband since we were 18 and now we're 26 and he has certainly matured in that time. You've only been married (and I assume only been living together) for about a month.. so he hasn't had much time to learn what your expectations are as far as sharing space. I would just try to point out to him that things that would be helpful and important to you (without nagging like crazy because that will only backfire). But remember.. boys will be boys... there are certainly still times that I wish my husband would just grow up already. And I know my SIL thinks the same thing about my 29 year old brother as well.
@mrsv2be: big sigh of relief! I just love the great times we have but when he acts like a child I have a hard time remembering the man who I married. Haha
My fiance is 30, and I have known him for five years. Although I didn't know him when he was 21, I have heard stories of how much... "fun" he had at that point in his life. Now, we own a home and are getting married in October. While I have seen him slow down in certain areas of life (going out one night on weekends instead of two, lol, etc.) and he has matured to care more about mortgages and budgets and 401ks then he did before, the person he was then and is now is still basically the same. He still laughs at the same (immature!!) jokes and his habits are the same (luckily he likes the house clean and helps to clean it himself, but can the guy put down the toilet seat??! No!)
I've learned to pick my battles and let him mature on his own. I've never wanted to be the nagging mother-type and I knew with each year his priorities (and mine too!) would change and evolve.
@Moose1209: Thank you! this is exactly what I hoped to hear. Well before we were married, he practically lived at my place, but obviously it would seem ok then that he didn't clean up, because it was "my place" and I don't think I really cleaned up much at "his place", but I guess I figured that when it became "our place" that it would be more even. He has his jobs that we've agreed upon, but even when I set the full trash can in the middle of the kitchen he still forgets to take out the trash. I am excited to see more and more of the man and less of the child as we mature together, although the immature guy is fun too sometimes. Anyways, thank you!
My SO and I are 25 now, and let me tell you... he was a totally different person when he was 21. He's the same man I've loved the whole time, just a better, more grown up, version of that man.
I have known my now husband since he was 18. He is a really different person now (at 24) than he was at 21 even. I think in general the early twenties are definitely a time of change.
It depends on the person though. I know someone who decided it wasn't important to finish high school and planned on getting a GED. He kept pushing it off. Then his girlfriend had a baby (they were 18). Everyone thought he would grow up then. Nope. Last I heard, he still doesn't really have any interest in getting a job even. He got married a few weeks ago, but the maturity doesn't seem to be there at all. If having a baby doesn't cause you to grow up (even a little bit), what will??
I've known my husband since he was 20. He was very, very young then with some immature tendencies. His major time of growth was between 21-23. At 23 he became very responsible, much more thoughtful, and I felt finally that I could date him. There were still things that needed polishing-- which he did on his own for himself. A lot of times he'd say things that we're unintentionally hurtful, since he's honest almost to a fault... but he worked on that a lot because he hated hurting my feelings.
But through it all, he always remained steadfastly committed to me. I didn't date him until he was 23, however. Now he's 28 and the best dad ever!!! Until this post, I hardly remembered those very "young" days!
I've been with my FI since we were 20, we are now 28 going on 29. We have both grown up a ton since then. I really don't think either one of us calmed down until about 23, and things have changed even more since first moving in together and then buying our first house, getting a dog, etc. He's the same guy, but I think that through the years we have gotten more used to each other and each other's expectations. You'll get there with time.
I've been with DH since he was 25. He is now 32 and far more mature than he was back then. Yes he's still the same cheeky bugger who laughs at the same jokes and leaves his socks on the floor, but the way he approaches life and our relationship is much more mature. Have you seen "Lars & the Real Girl"? In it the younger brother asks the older brother when he finally felt like a man and the older brother says something about how it's when you realise that it's not just you anymore, you need to take care of your woman too and then says some other smart stuff. DH told me after we watched it that part really hit home for me, he felt like he was almost a man in that way but wanted to be more so and I think he is pretty much there now. So don't despair :)
I will say that everyone changes with time, but don't expect your husband to not still do some of the things that bother you...my MIL complains about her husbands immaturity to this day 30+ years in...and there are things that my husband has picked up that weren't present when we first started dating 8 years ago. He has matured from some things but other areas still show his immaturity...
I've known hubs since we were younger than teens. He has matured exponentially since that time for sure! Early 20s brings a lot of maturity for men, later than women. Express yourself seriously to him and explain why his behavior is wrong and hopefully he will start to grow up a little bit
I have known my hunny for years and he has grown a lot as a person. Sure we aren't 21 yet, but I am sure your guy will continue to grow..Every person continues to grow at least a little each year. There will still be pieces of him that bother you though. Every person no matter how much you love them have pieces of their personalities that just drive you insane sometimes. The way I like to see it is that their imperfections and their quirks are what makes them them and if you really love someone and they are worth it to keep in your life... then their imperfections and quirks are worth sometimes looking over too.
hope that helps a little?
thank you everyone for your comments. I began to realize that as my time of the month comes around, the things about him i think are cute and quirky become immature and annoying. That was a great realization. I've got to cut him some slack and then we can have fun together. Thank you all!
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Hi girls, fist of all I want to say that I love my husband as he is and I don't want him to change. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't love him they way he is.
The thing is, that we are both 21 years old. Young, yes. I feel pretty mature for my age, but I've come to accept that my hubs is still rather immature. I knew that all along, but I kinda thought that moving in together and getting married would help him mature some (and it has in some aspects) but he kinda drives me crazy sometimes.
He would prefer the house to be clean and yet he doesn't clean up after himself.
When we have problems, he laughs when i'm upset. Which of course makes me more upset. Sometimes it gets to the point of frustrated tears before he understands that I'm serious.
And he tells crude jokes all the time without thinking about whether they are jokes I would appreciate or not.
Anyways, let me say that when his is serious, he can be the most perfect wonderful man who I know will take care of me and love me unconditionally. My question is, to married bees who have known thier spouse since age 21, Have they gotten more mature? Should I wait out this phase or just resign myself to that fact that he is who he is and that's who I married? It's ok if that's the answer, I just want opinions. Thanks!