(Closed) Can I invite some first cousins and not others?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you invite the extra cousins?
    Yes : (23 votes)
    34 %
    No : (44 votes)
    66 %
  • Post # 3
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Only invite people you absolutely want to have in attendance. Don’t invite anyone out of obligation or guilt to make other people happy.

    Post # 4
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I don’t think you need to invite cousins you aren’t close with, especially since they didn’t invite you to their weddings.

    Post # 5
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    They probably realise you dont even know each other so I say its fine to invite the ones you have a relationship with.

    Post # 6
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @imalittlebirdie:  It might cause unnecessary drama, but I would invite the ones you’re close with, and the ones you have relationships with (I think thats 7 people?). I can see the ones who have a relationship with you throwing a fit and I think that they would have a valid point. However I would be surprised if the other 40ish of them actually took the time to call you and complain about the lack of an invitation.

    I would definately not only invite the two you are close with. I think that if its family and there is an established relationship the invitation should be extended.

    Post # 7
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would invite only those that you have a personal relationship with!


    Post # 8
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    I have 12 cousins, and only 1 is getting invited. We’ve allocated 25 people per family, so my cousins/spouses could potentially be our entire family list! Keep it to the ones you know- my guest list requirements is that either bride or groom needs to know/recognize them.

    Will this cause drama for you? Unfortunately, because it’s family, my guess is that someone will inevitably get upset with you…probably one of the cousins who didn’t invite you to their wedding. :)- 

    You’ll also have a much better time at your wedding with a smaller guest list.

    Post # 9
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

     DH has 4 aunts on his mom’s side, all with kids and grandkids and 9 aunts/uncles on his dad’s side, all with kids and grandkids. We only invited those we knew and were close to. There were a few cousins on his mom’s side that we invited, but his mom said it was “invite only” – they live out of town and would send a gift, which we did for them as well. Others we left out. I didn’t feel too bad, since we don’t know them well and out guest list would have been over 200. We ended up with about 95, which was a great number for us.

    Only invite who you really want there. If they had invited you, I’d be more hesitant, but since they didn’t, I really wouldn’t worry about it at all.

    Post # 11
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Aunts and uncles will deal with it. They may not like it, but the decision is not theirs to make. You decide who you want there based on how close you are to them and what you can afford. It is entirely irrelevant if someone didn’t invite you to their wedding as that is not how invites are determined.

    Post # 12
    44 posts
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Would YOU be invited to THEIR wedding? Probably not, so I think no is OK.

    Post # 13
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My FI’s mom had 15 siblings, can you imagine? ack! We invited my 4 adult cousins, so we matched my 4 with the 4 that he could remember names of. I don’t think you should feel any pressure to invite anyone you don’t have a relationship with.


    Post # 14
    31 posts
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I have not invited any of my Aunts or Uncles from my dad’s side (there are 6 of them total) because we just aren’t THAT close. I am ending up with a list of about 75 – 80 people and I feel NO guilt about not inviting them. It’s your day and you shouldn’t feel guilty about who you do and do not invite.

    Post # 15
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Ooops!  I responded to your poll by your post question, I didn’t mean to put yes to invite the other cousins!  I myself am only inviting the first cousin that has any type of relationship with me.  I love the others dearly, but know that they will not be very hurt if they are not specifically invited since we don’t talk on a regular basis.  I wish I could do that with the aunts and uncles, but someone has to escort the grandmothers, so they are all invited.  It’s going to be a fairly small wedding, almost entirely funded by us.

    Post # 16
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’ve learned from reading this board that a first cousin can be anything from a best friend to someone you literally wouldn’t recognize on the street, so it’s impossible to make rules about how to treat cousins. Generally I do think the prudent policy is to treat all “tiers” of a family equally. But I feel that way based on my relationship with my family. I am close with a lot of my cousins and even the ones I don’t see as often, I would certainly recognize them in a crowd(!!!) and have fond memories from childhood with them. I also think that my cousins are people who, even if I see them far less often than I see some of my friends because we are scattered around the country, they will always be in my life. I would never invite some and not others. But your case is really different from mine! I can’t imagine inviting people I wouldn’t recognize (unless someone brings a guest I’ve never met). I feel like that’s going pretty far to keep the peace. Would they even come if you invited them?

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