Post # 1
I’m honestly thinking about asking her to come as a regular guest instead. She is contributing nothing towards this wedding. She won’t help stuff invitations, she hasn’t paid me back my credit for buying her dress, she doesn’t reply to my texts 75% of the time, she backed out of co-hosting my bridal shower with my MOH…so now my MOH is stuck paying the bill 100% alone.
She also repeatedly says how excited she is for her and her husband to get drunk at my reception on “my tab”…etc etc etc. It’s just frustrating!
She shouldn’t have said yes to being a bridesmaid if she didn’t want to be one. 🙁
Post # 3
@BakerBee16: I don’t know, maybe she doesn’t have money? She said yes because she wanted to be there for you on your day, not because she wanted to fund your special events, kwim? When you asked did you say, “It will cost x amount of money”?
Post # 4
@BakerBee16: Put her out of her misery. She’s probably thinking the same thing. Just give her an out and say “I noticed you’ve been having to decline certain events related to the wedding. I don’t want to be a financial burden to you so you are welcome to come as a guest.” She’ll respond with some fake concern like that’s not the case, but just say it’s ok, just be my guest.
Post # 5
@BakerBee16: i get the frustration about her not paying you back. that needs to be addressed.
her helping you stuff invitations, this is your wedding. Not hers. She doesn’t have to help. I had no help from anyone except DH. I never asked for help, if someone offered, sure I’d invite them over, but they never did, bc they could care less. They are excited at first but then it wears off and unfortunately deep down some BMs get jealous that its not thme.
She is annoying saying that she can’t wait for her DH to get drunk at the reception, sorry this is a wedding, not a shitfest. I would ignore those comments, not worth arguing over.
The co-hosting of the bridal shower needs to be handled by your MOH. If she agreed to co-hosting and then backed out due to financial reasons, I can understand. Weddings are expensive and maybe something came up that she can no longer afford it. You can’t hold this against her.
All a BM has to do is show up in the right dress, and shoes.
Post # 6
I’d give her the chance to back out… it sounds like she’s really not interesten in standing up for you.
Personally the getting drunk comment would have done it for me – it’s cool to party, but please don’t PLAN on getting trashed at my wedding and then tell me about it. :/
Post # 7
@BakerBee16: You might have opened pandora’s box…..
There are a lot of opinions on here about bridesmaids are supposed/expected/should do. Some brides post that bridesmaids should just buy a dress and show up. Other brides think that bridesmaids should be available to help with wedding fesitivities/activities/DIY projects, etc.
If you feel that your bridesmaid is not interested in being in the wedding then have a non confrontational talk with her. Give her the option of coming as a guest…… I feel that the sooner you do this the better. You really do not need things to come to a head right before the wedding………
Post # 8
It sounds like she isn’t that interested in being involved with your wedding. I would just ask her to come as a guest.
Post # 10
The only ‘job’ she has as a bridesmaid is buying the dress and showing up sober and on time. It’s not her job to help you stuff envelopes. Your fiance should be helping you. It sounds like she is having some money issues. It’s also not a BMs job to host a shower. She may have agreed before she realized how expensive it can be. Honestly, I’d stay out of the hosting drama and let her and your MOH figure it out. The comment she made about drinking on your tab was rude, but I don’t see it as a reason to kick her out.
You absolutely should not kick her out for any of these reasons unless you are prepared to lose the friendship. If I were you, I’d call her up just to talk. I wouldn’t bring up the wedding at all. Just check on her to make sure everything is going okay.
Post # 13
@BakerBee16: You probably should have explained what you expected of her before YOU asked her honestly. If you did, and she isn’t doing what you need, give her the chance to back out, but if that is the case I wouldn’t expect her to value your friendship much longer.
Post # 14
The only thing your BM is required to do is to show up sober on the day of your wedding and smile pretty for pictures. That is all.
Post # 15
Thank you for all the replies!
When I first asked her, she was sooo excited about being a bridesmaid. She is the one that said “If you need help with anything, let me know!” and “Oh I love this $300 BM dress, can I use your credit then pay you back when I get my income tax?” and “I cannot wait to plan a shower! Give me MOH’s e-mail so we can go over stuff together”…MOH never received any e-mails from her, then when MOH Facebook’d her she said she no longer wants to host it.
I understand that she just needs to wear the right dress, shoes, and show up…however she is ignoring me when I try to get ahold of her. She only seems to want to go to the reception for the free booze and food. She questions EVERY choice I make. It’s just frustrating.
Post # 16
@BakerBee16: Is she not responding to any of your texts/calls or just not wedding related texts?