- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I’ve been planning my wedding for three years due to financial limitations. This year is the year I finally get married. My bridesmaids are starting to get to work on planning the Bridal Shower- which is going to include all my out of town bridesmaids, out of town family, some co-workers and local friends. The list will be under 20 people.
My Fiance has a large family but they all live overseas. He isn’t close with any of them. Though we will be inviting them to the wedding we don’t know how many will come. That said his only family in theUSis his mom and dad. There are two ladies that his mom is friends with that he is close to. So the original plan was to invite his mom and two friends. His mom has no interest in our wedding or providing a guest list- I felt I should point that out in case someone asked.
So we had a falling out with his mother over a year ago. Bridges are still not built back up. His parents also said they would be moving to foreign country within 5 years or less. They have no real interest in being Grandparents or being involved in our lives. Which made me feel like I should just tolerate his mother’s presence at the wedding. There is no point in trying to build a relationship when they are leaving anyway. They don’t visit now and they are only a few hours away, so I highly doubt we will see them with any measure of frequency after they leave.
At the wedding there are enough people for me to avoid her. However if I invite her to the shower it’s a small guest list and she would only know the two other ladies. I feel like I would have to talk to her. However I’m really really really angry about everything that happened. I’ve also never had a chance to talk to her about it because she won’t see me to discuss it. And I’m not good with fake hugging and fake “How are you?”
I’ve thought about not inviting her to the shower. The only way she might find out is if her two friends tell her. And I could not invite them, but then no one from my Fiance side would be there. Also, I really like them, they expressed interest in helping with the wedding, and so I’d feel bad about not inviting them.
The “right” decision is probably to try to fix this with her. However like I said, she won’t see me to discuss it. She and her husband did talk to her son and well things are not great, they are not as bad, for him, I suppose. At this point we know they want to come to the wedding and we didn’t know that before. I’m afraid if I try to force her to talk to me, everything will get bad again. If I knew for sure forcing a visit would fix things, I would, but I think it will probably make it worse. My family deals with things upfront, we say what we mean, even if it hurts, we are stubborn and controlling and we are ALL like that—so we get over our fights rather fast and even though we don’t accept no, it doesn’t bother us to hear it either. If that makes sense? We’re honest if I had to use a word.. His mother is passive aggressive, out of touch with her feelings, holds grudges, doesn’t say what she means or thinks, hides things and then gossips. So you can see how the direct approach doesn’t work so well? I think she would just act more hurt, then tell her husband, third cousin’s twice removed, the dog walker, then finally my Fiance and still not talk to me about it 😛 And then we would be all back to angry not talking again.
Sorry its long. Please give advice on the shower.