(Closed) Can I tell SO to stop????

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7169 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FI kept telling me “I’m gonna have to talk to your Dad soon..”  But he had already like a month before.  So I was surprised when he asked me-even though I knew it was coming at some point.  He was kind of stringing me along.  I don’t think I would say anything to your guy… it sounds like he knows where you stand- about making big decisions come October.  If I were you I would just put up with it for 3 more months.

Post # 4
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I dont know if there is a way for him to stop, or to tell him to stop. He sounds like he is being hopeful, but his hopeful-ness is becoming an annoyance to you, and it;s no longer funny. Maybe you should sit him down and have a genuine talk and say, where is this going, you know I have to leave, etc so you both know you;re on the same page. Because with all this teasing, you could be getting psyched up for something that may not happen.

Post # 5
Member
5671 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I did. I told him unless he had the ring and was going to propose that it wasn’t fair and I didn’t want to hear about it. I just was so vulnerable at that time and didn’t want to keep hearing about it unless it was going to happen.

Post # 6
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

I, like, roxy821, told him to zip it.  Well, not in those words but I stopped the wedding, proposal and ring talk.  It was driving me nuts.  Now he occasionally brings it up if he’s talking about finances, saving, plans, etc.  He used to send me ideas of what he wants to wear on wedding day just when I had gotten over my most recent pity party.  So I had to tell him to stop for my sanity. 

Post # 7
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

if you do say something, try not to hurt his feelings.. it sounds more cute to me than annoying.

Then again, my husband didn’t bring it up at all until we got engaged, so I guess I don’t know what that’s like, heh.

Post # 8
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My FI and I had talked a little about it before we got engaged, mostly just so he knew I was on the same page. It got to a point where I told him that I didn’t want to talk about it until it happened. I told him that I didn’t want to talk about it until we were engaged and not because I didn’t want to get engaged but that it was hard for me since I am a planner. The only times we would talk about it was if I brought it up due to me being overwhelmed by some aspect of engagements/weddings.

Post # 9
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We had talked alot about getting married before we were actually engaged.  Heck, we had most of the wedding planned before we were actually engaged! 

BUT, there did come a point about 3 months before we got engaged where I told him I was done with the talking.  It wasn’t fun to me anymore, and I was tired of thinking about it.  I told him until I had a ring on my finger and knew it was for real, I didn’t want to plan any more of our wedding!  Maybe it was a nag move, but he said he understood and it didn’t change his time frame on proposing to me at all…he still did it exactly when he was planning to.  And I got a little peace of mind in the meantime!

Post # 10
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh gosh, I’m in the same situation. he is constantly making conversation about our future and making no progress on getting a ring. This has gone on for over the past 6 months. I’m mostly annoyed because I know he has the means and mode but he just won’t spend the time and make the decision on what ring and buy it. We have been together for over 3 and a half years. 

Post # 11
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So is he pretty well-aware that you basically have to move on with your life in October then? I’m assuming you wouldn’t completely break up with him, but is he 100% aware of this deadline you have, that things will turn into an LDR unless you’re planning on getting married? If you haven’t told him about your plans to move, etc., you might want to (carefully) bring that up. In this situation, I don’t think an internal timeline is quite fair, since it’s mostly due to practical reasons relating to your career, and not just a “I can’t stand waiting anymore so I’m gonna take off if he doesn’t propose by X date” kind of thing.

As for the proposal joking stuff that’s getting on your nerves, if you don’t want to have a sit-down talk with him about it, I would just casually respond in a way that lets him know you’re not finding it amusing (“babe… please.” without smiling, and just change the subject or something). If he wants to know why you’re reacting that way, he’ll probably ask and you can discuss it then.

Post # 13
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would just nicely tell him that you appreciate all the sweet things that he is saying about your future together, but that it is giving you (perhaps) unrealistic expectations about his intentions. Tell him you want to enjoy the relationship and basically be kept in the dark as to when he wants to take the next step. Tell him you want to be suprised, cause all that talk would wear on me too. . .

Post # 14
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

When I was hoping for a proposal, I asked my FI to stop talking like that. I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s really hard when he keeps getting your hopes up, and then doesn’t propose. It’s not fair to you. Have you shared your plans for this fall with him? That may give him a reason to put those words into action.

Post # 16
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Wow that was a promising response! Well done 🙂

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