Post # 1
This is my first post. I’m getting married in April to the wonderful man I’ve been with for six years. Our wedding planning has fortunately gone smoothly and we’re nearing the home stretch. I’ve hit a tiny snag and would love your advice! 🙂
We are having a smaller wedding (80ish guests). I’m inviting first cousins, 18 and older. The ONLY issue is my cousin and his wife. They got married a few years ago and invited everyone in our extended family … EXCEPT my mom. It really hurt her feelings, and it infuriated me. When she asked why she was excluded, they said it was because she “didn’t go to their barbecue” over the summer. (Most of us didn’t go to that barbecue.) My mom has since forgiven them. I never see them and don’t particularly like them, but I had planned to put them on the guest list to avoid drama.
Yesterday, my cousin’s wife made a passive-aggressive Facebook post quoting something my brother had posted on his own page. When my brother attempted to defend himself, she and my cousin ganged up on him and said they would “pray” for him. I’m really sick of these two acting the way they do toward my closest relatives. Would it be OK to remove them from my guest list?
Thank you for your advice! 🙂
Post # 4
I would invite them. Break the cycle of retaliation (ie not inviting someone because they didn’t invite them to something because of another event they weren’t invited to). It’s only two people and you don’t even have to pay attention to them on the day and not inviting them will just give them more ammo to be even more assholes.
Post # 5
@olleyson86: So, I’m pretty sure etiquitte says that you need to invite people in groups (all the cousins or none). But, I am in the camp that says you should invite whoever you want to your wedding. If you’re not really interested in having a relationship with these people, why have them at your wedding? On the other hand, if you are interesting in patching things up, it’d probably be best to invite them.
Post # 6
You could be the bigger person. If it were me I’d be petty though, as much as I’d like to say otherwise. You hurt my mom’s feelings and it’s SO on. I’d not invite them and make sure they knew how awesome of a time my mom and brother had 🙂
Post # 7
I think you have to invite them because you invited your other cousins. As for their actions – they’ve been childish and disrespectful, don’t sink to the same level by excluding them.
Post # 8
I’m a firm believer that it’s your wedding and you should only invite who you WANT there not people that that you feel you should invite BUT know that if you don’t invite them you’re only perpetuating the ugliness that is already going around and shouldn’t expect anything more from them.
Post # 9
I’m also having a smallish wedding (70 ppl) and I’m being “gently forced” by my SO to invite my estranged father (my step-dad who I ADORE will be giving me away). The reason? Because it’s worth it to be the bigger person. It may actually cause a change in attitude in them or perhaps they will choose not to come. It is just an invitation afterall.
Post # 10
Whatever, at some point I think you have to say screw the rules, it’s my wedding and these people piss me off so I don’t want to see them. Especially if it’ll be on the smaller side. If they’re so annoying and rude, don’t think of it as retaliation, just think of it as having the wedding you want.
Post # 11
NO way … I have cousins like this and I invited them ….. they didn’t come .. i knew they wouldn’t. I’m not sure how they are related to you, your mom or dad’s sibling … but make YOUR parents proud that you can be the bigger person…. you can always sit them by the exit door … alone … 😀
Post # 12
@HisIrishPrincess: haha YES! get your revenge in the seating chart! That way it’s not obvious! We kinda did this at my wedding and we only had about 50 pple show up. We sat my Uncle and his wife (the reason for the most drama in my family) next to our dear old Great Aunt and Uncle where they had to sit and listen to their stories all night instead of at the cool table with all of his other siblings. We had to choose someone to not be there… so we made it them since we didn’t like them!
Post # 14
Personally, I wouldn’t. They sound like rude people and I wouldn’t want them there, no matter what etiquette says.
Post # 15
Since they didn’t do anything specifically against you, they will see your decision to exclude them as the first strike between you and them. I would avoid opening that can of worms by just inviting them but sticking them in the back as far away from you as possible. That way you won’t have to deal with their rudeness on your special day.
Post # 16
Great advice, all of you! 🙂 Thank you tons.
@HisIrishPrincess and @Woodstock hahaha I haven’t even started to think about seating yet. I think I’ll seat them at a super high table with really low chairs. 😉 muahhaha