Can I tell the Bride it's too much?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

I think it would be ok to decline the spa trip. The bride is asking for a lot already just asking people to go overseas for her wedding, much less stand up in it and pay to attend all these completely unnecessary parties. I’m sure she’ll understand if you not go to the spa event. And if she doesn’t… :::kanye shrugs:::

Post # 3
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

totally!  Decline, say you want some time to hang out.  Thats a pretty demanding schedule – on time and finances to be honest.  

Post # 4
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

Just let the bride know that even though you would enjoy a day at the spa with her, it isn’t finacially feasible and you aren’t comfortable leaving your DH alone even more than he is during that week. If she’s isnt a bridezill, she should understand and be grateful that you are traveling to join her for her special day. 

Post # 5
Member
4927 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

MsGinkgo:  Yep, totally fine. It sounds like you’re putting out a lot of money already. 

Post # 6
Member
12781 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes, I would decline if I didnt want to leave my DH alone for the afternoon and spend money on the spa and spend some quiet time with DH to relax from all the activities.

Post # 7
Member
7755 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am never one to turn down a spa day at someone else’s expense so I say tell hubs to bring a good book and go with the mega wedding weekend flow it you love your friend!

Post # 8
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Totally okay! Explain this to the bride so she knows what you’re thinking though. Because I am living in Switzerland, I am going to have the same deal – a wedding where almost nobody in the bridal party (or wedding at all) will be local. Part of me feels like when people are here, I need to keep them entertained with as many activities as possible, but I will also be trying to keep everyone’s pockets in mind. That’s a hard balance, and if she went a little too far on one end this time, I’m sure she’ll appreciate you letting her know.

Post # 9
Member
7755 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oh snap I read that wrong, I thought she was treating her BMs. Of course you can decline!

Post # 11
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yeah you can totally decline. I had a destination wedding and my friends and bridesmaids just came along to whatever they felt they could afford. Half of them missed my hen-party, because it was a week before the wedding and they didn’t feel able to come for a whole week.. and I was fine with that! We also had a spa trip and a couple of dinners and again – those who wanted to attend came along and those who didn’t did their own thing. Some of them were attending the wedding with their SOs, so they did more ”couply” stuff (laying on the beach and sightseeing).. 

Honestly if she’s bothered about you declining the spa it’d be pretty selfish of her..  You should do what you feel comfortable with and that should be fine with her.

Post # 12
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

MsGinkgo:  absolutely you can. she should be understanding being that you are probably paying over $1000 to be there for her. 

Post # 13
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

MsGinkgo:  All I can say is wow. This couple is not “having” a multiple day event. They are just doing a bunch of non-wedding related shit and want you to pay to accompany them. What a bummer for your husband if you actually go through with this. I would politely decline and tell the bride you can’t afford the expense.

Post # 14
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry, but weddings aren’t multiple day affairs. If you’re a bridesmaid, you obviously need to be there for the rehearsal (if they have one), ceremony and reception. Anything else should be optional. I would just let her know she’s asking too much- do you have to take time off work for this?

Post # 15
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think you can decline but I only think you should mention the finances. Explain that you are grateful for all of the help she’s given but you will have to miss out on the spa, even though you’d love to be there for her.

I don’t think you should say anything about wanting more time with your husband. There is bound to be some down time. And time you can talk to DH during the events. I just think it may come off as selfish, since you probably don’t see her often.

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