Can I Uninvite SIL To Our Wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wouldn’t. Yes, she’s awful, but while your brother is deployed, she controls your access to the kids, and she could and likely would cut you out completely.

ETA: does she know you want the girls in your wedding?

Post # 4
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@petalpetal:  She’s your SIL, I think you have to invite her. Tell her you want her kids to be in the wedding, but ultimately, she’s their mother and it’s her choice. She sounds like not such a wonderful person, but hopefully she’ll at least let the kids participate! Invite her, then cross your fingers and hope she stays home. Maybe suggest hiring a babysitter if she’s concerned about having to watch them all night while at the wedding?

Post # 6
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

If your friends, extended family, and even your other brother aren’t invited, then I don’t really understand why you would want to invite your neices and still cut all those other people out.  But to answer your question…

Why even tell your SIL about the wedding?  If she drops the girls off at your mom’s house all the time anyway, then your mom can just bring them.  Your SIL doesn’t need to know anything, let alone be invited.

Post # 7
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can’t have the kids without their parent, and your own parents will be way too busy on your wedding day to be saddled with looking after 4 little ones.

Post # 8
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Tell her you want the girls in your wedding – actually, ask them before you tell her!
Then maybe she’ll stay home and hand them off to your mom.

In other news, why isn’t anyone calling the cops on this woman for domestic abuse?

Post # 9
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@petalpetal:  For the sake of your brother, your mom and your neices, invite her.  Maybe reach out and tell her how much you would like to have your neices there.  

Post # 13
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

UGH this sucks.  I deal with a similiar issue.  Brother divorced wife, and then my brother died.  Her kids lived with us since birth until the divorce, when they spent more than 1/2 the week at our house.  When my brother passed away, much to my complete annoyance I had to “deal” with ex/sil.     

In order to have my niece, and great niece come to my wedding she got invited.  It was a plane ride, and flying terrorfies her, so she refuses to put the kids on plane without an adult, and no one else was flying, and no one had room that was driving to my wedding.   My other brothers HATE HATE HATE her, so much infact that they really have no relationship with the kids.  I make sure to keep her on friendly terms with me so I have access to the kids.  

I’d suck it up and invite her.  She probably won’t come and if you don’t invite her you can bet she’ll keep the kids away.   

Post # 14
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@petalpetal:  Yeah, I hear you.  My bro’s wife…welll, I could tell some hair raising stories about that one.  I don’t hate her but there have been many, many times over the years that she’s behaved outrageously, offensively, and been downright rude.  I ignore it all because I want a good relationship with my brother.  Honestly, I think I kind of aggravate her because I just refuse to engage her when she’s having an episode.  I just pretend everything is hunky dory and that I don’t notice she’s glaring daggars at me and being psycho.  

I totally get why you don’t want her there – but uninviting someone is a direct insult.  I think it would only cause problems for the rest of your family if you did.  And, like it or not – she has a lot of power over your nieces and your ability to have a relatioship with them so, my advise is grit your teeth and let her come.

Post # 15
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

Sorry OP. This is a sucky situation. Did you make it clear that you want her children to be in the wedding?
I would say something like, “I would like for [insert names] to be in my wedding as flower girls since I am really close to them. Can you reconsider, because it would mean the world to me? [brother’s name] had already told me he would pay for the flight so I made arrangements for the girls.”
(maybe even ask your brother to talk with her about everything)
Let her say yah or nay.
If she says yes, your good.

If she says no, then don’t invite her. Throw a fit. Tell her she is being unfair and that this is your wedding day and you don’t understand why your beloved nieces can’t go. I would screw tact at this point since she obviously is a yuck person.

Post # 16
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@petalpetal:  If that’s the case (re: the kids not coming) then uninvite that horrible woman!

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