Post # 1
I’m so glad I found you all!! I feel better knowing that there are many others out there who are going through the exact same thing as me!!!
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend on-and-off for 6 years. That’s part of the problem, he says — that I keep breaking up with him. But I guess partly the reasons why I keep doing that is because I probably don’t feel so secure in my relationship with him to begin with. Although he says I’m the only girl for him, I have feelings of distrust, and then I go through feelings of doubt as to whether I want to be with him, and that on top of wanting to be married at times and essentially trying to force it out of him by breaking up with him, which I’m kind of embarrassed to admit, not to mention it’s kind of backwards thinking, isn’t it? 🙁
Anyway, now that I’ve found you all, maybe you can give me some perspective and whether or not I should somehow force myself to stay with this man by using a calendar and literally marking off the days I stay with him so that we can move forward.. I’m at my wit’s end.. And also, I know there are several other little problems here and there that probably need fixing, but other couples have other problems and they still get engaged… I know I shouldn’t compare relationships, but sometimes it’s hard not to let it get to you about your own situation (am I the only one?) when it doesn’t seem to be getting any closer to what he says we BOTH want..
He is much more logical and patient with me, and he asks that I be patient with him in waiting for this to happen.. But at times I think what you call here, the monster? -rears its ugly head and I wish I didn’t, but I get frustrated and impatient.
Anyway, I’m partly venting and partly just need encouragement to maybe stick it out with my one boyfriend so that maybe we can get to the best that’s yet to come!!
Thanks for listening and any words of wisdom and best wishes for all of you ladies in waiting!!! 🙂
Post # 3
Sounds like this relationship needs work at the level it’s on before you take it to the next step. I wouldn’t keep taking someone back that kept breaking up with me or trying to break up with me. And I wouldn’t keep trying to go back to a relationship that I constantly feel the need to get away from. Sorry if that’s not much help, but getting engaged isn’t going to fix whatever problems you have. Sorting through your problems is the priority here, to see if you’re honestly compatible with each other for the long haul.
Post # 4
@jumpthegun: I agree.
Do you want to be with him FOREVER or not?
Post # 5
This doesn’t seem right at all 🙁
I would be so upset if I were in your position; on one hand 6 years is a long time with someone; I have been with my SO for almost 6 year and never broken up. I love and trust him with every ounce of my being and know we are rigt for each other. You are thinking about counting days now? Just wait till you are married! If I were you I would rethink if you even should be together at all. I’m sorry I’m really not trying to be mean but marraige is forever. Good luck!
Post # 6
I’d try to sort out the trust issues first, and get to the point where you’re not breaking up any more, before worrying about engagment and marriage. if you’ve broken up and reconciled several times over the years, and you don’t fix the underlying issues, the only thing that will change once that ring is on your finger is that you’re divorcing and not just breaking up. Don’t put the cart in front of the horse. And don’t say “other people don’t have perfect relationships and they still get married” because, well, 50% of all marriages in the USA end in divorce.
Post # 7
I agree with the previous posts. It doesn’t sound like you are in a place in your relationship where you are ready to get engaged. If you are whishy washy and don’t know whether to keep DATING than it’s not time to speak forever. Being engaged is fun but once you get into the stresses of planning a wedding you really need to have a strong relationship that can withstand the stresses…and be ready to commit to be there for each other through thick and thin. Ask yourself how long you are willing to stay with this man before you either get married or leave. I know it’s hard to think of it that way but you don’t want to waste time in a relationship that is not going anywhere/needs a lot of work. It’s not worth spending a lot of time in a relationship that isn’t a healthy, happy one.
Post # 8
Has he ever done anything to make you not trust him? This guy seems very patient for dealing with the constant breaking up and getting back together…..
Post # 9
Thanks for your responses. I really appreciate them!
I guess I need to figure out whether it is worth it to try and work on the undelying trust issues, etc., or whether it is better to leave for good. I suspect that we will stay together and try to work things out at least for now… At least I have kind of changed my focus and am trying to build up my life in other ways as well, which may make me happier in the long-run so I’m not just focusing on where this relationship is not!
Thanks again all!
Post # 10
i would say stop breaking up with him and let him know what you are feeling. Communication is a very important building block for any relationship, and without it you have nothing. Communication, trust, honesty, fidelity, these are all very important to a lasting relationship. Getting engaged is only going to make your problems worse. Sit down with him, talk out your problems, and then worry about engagement.