Post # 1
I know what I’m about to say is going to make me sound like a total brat, which is why I’m putting this online vs. talking to someone in real life.
I care about my parents alot, and they’ve done a lot of amazing things for me. In return, I’ve always tried to do everything they’ve asked of me, and worked my butt off to satisfy all their ‘dreams’ for me. My whole life, they’ve made a really big deal about how they wouldn’t ‘approve’ of me living with someone before marriage. While my FI and I have talked frequently of living together (we’ve been together 7 years), we always decided it made most sense logically to live at home and save money while in school. I’m FINALLY graduating next year after 7 years of post-secondary, and we’re conveniently going to be getting married right around when we buy a house together.
OK – now my younger sister decided a few months back to move in with her bf (right after I got engaged). She literally did it while my parents were out of town on vacation. You think my parents might be at least a TAD disappointed, right? Well – yeah, they’re soooo disappointed they decided that the two of them should move into the rental house that they own. A six bedroom house that rents for over $2k per month. Oh, and they are going to charge them $500.
So, I’ve wanted to move in with my FI for years, but decided to live at home for financial reasons and to keep my parents happy. My sister moves out, and my parents just conveniently take care of all the financial problems FOR HER. I save tons of money for a downpayment, while my sister blows all her money over the last few years. Now my parents are talking about how they should figure out some form of ‘rent to own’ idea for them.
So yeah, I’m biting my tounge like crazy, just b/c I want to stomp my feet like a two year old and scream “THIS ISN’T FAIR”. My only saving grace is that my FI (only child) is agreeing with me rather than telling me I’m being a brat lol. He’s also stepping in to help with the wedding projects my mom told me she would do, but is now too busy shopping for applicances to buy for sister.
OK – I’ll shut up now. I’ll start acting like a mature 24 year old again.
Post # 3
Vent away girl. No judgement here 🙂
Post # 4
Oh sweetie, let me guess – oldest child? I totally understand. Parents are so much harder on the oldest. You have every right to be irked.
Honestly, being an adult, you should do what you want to do with your FI. If you want to move in together, do it!
Also, your situation sounds so similar to mine with my younger sibling and my parents. I think part of the reason now that my parents are so much easier on him is because they know I am so much more responsible than he is so they are much more willing to let him get away with things like that.
Post # 5
I had a moment just like this not even two weeks ago. BF and I have been very responsible and waiting until we both have steady jobs and our own place to have children. My 19 year old sister just went and got herself knocked up. It was like a slap in the face. I totally know how you feel right now. The only way I got over the disappointment was to talk it out with the family.
Post # 6
@Mrs. Louboutin: hey us youngest children can get the wrong end of the stick too
Post # 7
Wow! That does suck. Think of it this way, you and your FH are going to start off in your OWN home without the help of your parents.While your sister is still depending on them.
Post # 8
@babyboo: I agree. Me and FH are the youngest and we have to live like saints and not make the same mistakes that our older siblings made. Our parents act like we are their only hope.
Post # 9
Thanks guys – its so nice to have other people understand how I’m feeling. @Mrs. Louboutin: I am an oldest child, and I feel like I’ve been treated much harder than my sister. My parents have even admitted it. I think if I really wanted something, I would do it despite my parents, though I definitely would feel a certain degree of guilt. Ultimately, I’m choosing to live at home because I don’t want to spend over $1K/month in rent while I’m not making much money. Housing is expensive here, and to save up enough for a large downpayment it has taken my FI and I time. Had I known I could have just moved out and had my parents swoop in and start covering my expenses, perhaps financial reasons wouldn’t have held me back!
To be perfectly honest, while my sister has always had my parents ‘baby’ her to some extent, I still wouldn’t trade lives with her. I also know my sacrifices WILL pay off for me in the long run. I’m counting down to FI and I get to buy a condo in the city that WE pick and is OURS with our hard earned cash.
@Potatoes: Ouch. That must be TOUGH. I hope everything is working out OK. Like I said, I guess you can only hope that your own responsible decisions will benefit you in your own life – but I’m sure that doesn’t help how you feel at this moment!
Post # 10
I definitely agree that it isn’t ALWAYS the oldest who gets the tough end of the stick, though its definitely seemed that way in my life.
Post # 11
@babyboo: Said like a true youngest child 🙂 Just kidding
Post # 12
It is pretty rough but moreso because nobody can really stand sister’s BF. My consolation was that she agreed not to get married first 😛 (We were planning a wedding for next fall anyway.)
Post # 13
I know exactly how you feel…except this is happening with my BF. His parents refinance their house and loan buy his younger brother everything. BF younger brother still lives at home, got in trouble with the law (so much that he went to jail for a year), still hasn’t learned his lesson. Was told a few months ago that they probably won’t be able to do the hawaiian cruise next year…you know the cruise that BF & I are planning on getting married. They had “loaned” him the money for a 4-wheeler-that he can’t drive anywhere bc he lost his license for 3 years. He didn’t have any money saved up because he didnt work for a year and first thing he bought out of jail was a motorcycle. Yes the kid without a license has a motorcycle and 4-wheeler that sit outside.
They never buy BF anything and he never, ever expects them to buy him anything. We told them for the past 2 years not to buy us anything for b-day & Christmas presents & to save their money for the cruise, but they have to put all that money towards supporting younger brother…
Girl I feel your pain!
Post # 14
I’ll say this isn’t always how it works so I don’t get flamed… BUT
This is totally typical first born syndrome. It always seems like we get it way harder than our siblings. I worked my A$$ off to work full time and graduate university and be gainfullly employed by the time I was 21, and bought my own condo at 23, and my parents acted like it was the least they would expect.
My little sister hung out at the beach all day, while living at home for free then did a random year of schooling, and then took off to travel the world, and has finally decided to maybe enroll in a teaching degree at the age of 24, and my parents are jumping with joy and trying to figure out how they can foot the bill.
Vent away! We’re so hard done by 🙂
Post # 15
Hah! @SapphireSun, I think you’re onto something there.
I’m first born and I studied hard at school, went to uni, got a good job. I had to leave home when I was 16 and get a job, because my younger sister went off the rails and kept robbing me. She would beat mum up for money and mum would give it to her. I just couldn’t live there anymore.
Fast forward 15 years… mum is still bailing out my sister with $$. She worked extra jobs to pay sisters rent and bought her car, appliances etc, everything. still pays her phone bills. I’m talking about a 30 year old woman with a full-time job still getting hand outs to help cover her rent because she keeps boozing. If she asks you for something and you say no she will refuse to talk to you (or her nephews/neices) for months and months and swear her face off at you.
I once asked to borrow $120 when i was 19 because I was off sick from work and couldn’t pay my rent. I got screamed at and told that “i’m not a bank, you think you can take advantage of me!”. I’ve never asked for a cent since, I even lived in my car so i woudn’t have to.
And the wrost thing is, my sister can do “no wrong”. She’s some freaken golden child (30!!) and so successful. All because she works as a manager in a store now and dropped out of school at 13. Wow, how proud is everyone.
It’s gotta be a younger sister/sibling thing!!!