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DH is also a teacher and had a similar situation occur last school year. I was aware of her advances and was fine with their friendship until it began impacting our relationship (he'd go drinking with her and I'd be left at home). She was fired at the end of the year for other reasons but I feel SO much more comfortable now that she's out of the picture.
Talk to him about it!
Teaching is a tough one, especially in elementary. It is mainly women so I have noticed that if there are men - the women like to flirt just because.
I do think men and women can be friends. I also think that most likely at some point in time, one of them will have a crush on the other or be attracted to them. However, this doesn't really mean anything.
As far as working - yes they can work together without flirting. I've done it.
I would be feeling ill over it too, but here is what you have to remember....he loves you and is with you. You trust him and I bet if you really think about it you would realize that no matter what, he would never do anything.
If it bothers you that much, I would say something - just make sure it is not accusing him of anything. You two could have a calm discussion about it.
Good luck and like I said, I am sure it is harmless and remember that you trust your FI or you wouldn't be marrying him!
I work with all men and I can say I make a point to make sure nothing can be thought of as me flirting.
If you are uncomfy you need to talk to your FI about it. IMO I too would probably have a issue with my guy coming home after work hours to play games with this person. A line needs drawn
Hmmm...I think men and women can work together without flirting, definitely. Also, it would probably kind of annoy me if a woman my fiance worked with was flirting with him right in front of me...so I don't think you're overreacting. I would definitely talk to him about it, but in a really non-accusatory way. After all, he didn't flirt back with her. You definitely have a right to ask him more questions about her, though (like what she is like when you're NOT around, etc.). I would just sit down and have a chat--that would be the only way your mind can be eased!
It really depends on personalities. I work with a ton of guys (there are 70 people in my division and maybe 15-20 are women. Some of the guys have a flirty attitude with women but others are completely appropriate.
@firsttimemom: I would feel so much better if that happened lol Or maybe she could just be changed to a different department or something :D
@miss. eire: I do trust him, I guess thats why I am trying to decide if its worth it to even bring it up. I just wish I could be more comfortable with someone flirting with my FI lol... I know some people think its flattering, but I just kinda see it as disrespectful :/
@Miss. Meeps: Thats what I would do too
Men and women can certainly work together without flirting. I am the only female in an office full of men and I do not flirt with any of them and they don't say flirtatious things to me either. They do make lots of "That's what she said" and innuendo type jokes like that, but they're in no way directed at me or meant to provoke or abuse me, they're just joking with each other. I just roll my eyes and get back to work, lol. Also, most of my friends outside work are also male, but we have completely platonic relationships and we do not flirt at all.
That doesn't mean that flirting can't or doesn't happen in the workplace. If you are uncomfortable with how this woman is talking to your FI, you need to confront him about that.
Of course men and women can work together without flirting. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It also doesn't matter what this woman is doing, unless your SO acts on it or reciprocates. I'm all about mutual trust. Your SO has to want to cheat to cheat, so it doesn't really matter what the women are doing.
I work in a male-dominated career (IT). I've worked with men lots of times and sometimes there is some light-hearted fun flirting (nothing that would be inappropriate, mind you) and sometimes there's flirting from the guy that is totally inappropriate (HR is a WONDERFUL thing).
I'm the kind who will joke with whoever I'm around IF they have a similiar personality. BUT I do draw the line when it goes too far.
My FI works at a place renowned for women to hit on the guys and the employees often have affairs (I know this because my father works at the same place :P) but I trust my FI. Doesn't mean I like the girls who hit on MY man, though, and I make it known to him, lol.
I'd definitely have called the woman out on her totally inappropriate behavior, but I'm also that type of person. (Ok, fine, I'm confrontational :P.)
It all depends on the people involved. Some guys and girls just don't know where to draw the line while others do. If you're uncomfortable, talk to your hubby and let him know, otherwise, it'll eat away at you and make the situation worse.
Honestly, I'd see it as a compliment that this girl is flirting with your man. If you trust your FI, you should just be flattered that you have such a catch. Especially if she was doing it in front of you, it probably is just her personality. If she were a total b-tch to you for no reason or acted secretive in some way, I would see much bigger cause for concern.
Also, guys and girls can work together without anything going on, even if they "play flirt" with eachother. When you spend 8+ hours/day with someone, a little play flirting breaks the ice and makes the work go by quicker. I think the #1 biggest thing that will lead to a fling in the workplace is when co-workers start talking to eachother about issues they're having with their SO at home. As long as you're not doing/saying anything to your coworkers that you wouldn't say/do with your SO standing there, I think it's all good!
i work with all men. can i work with them without either of us flirting? absolutely.
however, i know your FI's side of this. i also have one coworker in particular i'm close to. we work closely together pretty much all day and email each other (work and non-work related) a lot of nights. we have lunch together probably once a week, but RARELY see each other outside of work (in the last 4 years i think we've gotten a beer after work together socially one time). i would say we are semi-flirtacious with each other, but it really just makes an otherwise frustrating/boring job slightly more bearable. he's married with two kids and i'm engaged. we're grown-ups and nothing would ever happen.
and i play words with friends with a LOT of coworkers--and it goes on all day and night. we take it very seriously.
if it really bothers you, tell him. but i wouldn't be worried unless he's seeing her socially after work and you're not invited. that wouldn't be cool. hanging out together a lot at work, even with inappropriate jokes, likely means nothing. work sucks. it's good to have friends there.
I work with mostly women, but there are a few men in our group, and trust me...we don't flirt with them at all. They're both good guys, and the one even jokes around with us about a hot girl on our floor, but he never treats any of us any different than one of the guys.
I think what this girl is doing is inappropriate. She may be married, but I don't think it would hurt to bring it up to your SO to make him aware of it.
When I worked in food service and whatnot there were a lot of inappropriate comments but that wasn't exactly a professional environment. I honestly can't imagine flirting with any of my male co-workers (I only have like three of them) but then again they're all 50+
In an office of 60 people, I am the only female employee who isnt a secretary (we have 2).... So I know that my fiance worries about all the guys I am around and when I have to travel out of town with them.... but to be completely honest I am not even a little attracted to any of them - and there are a lot of well educated (engineers/architects) young men... but I love FI...
So yea, you cant trust everyone, but if he never gave you a reason to doubt him then dont...
p.s. I always get super jealous when girls talk to hit on FI even though I have no reason to... just territorial i guess :)
Thanks guys, reading all this stuff actually does make me feel better :)
I work closely with a lot of men: single, married, old, young and NONE of them flirt with me adn it would be totally weird and inappropriate if any of them did. We work in a corporate environment though that is heavily regulated with sex harassment and discrimination training, so that might have something to do with it.
It might also depend on your definition of flirting too. ARe you extra sensitive about women talking to your FI? I know I do talk to some of my male coworkers about their personal lives, but I wouldn't consider it flirting. My DH works in the same environment as I do and I know there are some women who are extra friendly with him, but I wouldn't call it flirting.
Kingy works with women and I've never had a problem like this. He used to spend a lot of time with one of his female work friends and they joked and laughed a lot but it was never flirting, or at least not the kind of flirting that could cause a problem.
Of course they can! Some people will always behave inappropriately, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can't work together like grown-ups.
I think men and women can absolutely work together without flirting, but that even when there is some flirting, it's often harmless.
Since she was acting the same way in front of her husband, I can see one of two possibilities:
1) she is a flirting demon with no respect for relationships and a few screws loose
2) she's friendly in a flirty way by nature and doesn't intend it or see it as anything threatening to her relationship or yours
I think the second one is way, way more likely than the first.
I think so, but that also depends on the people. I work with a good mix of men and women, the younger girls tend to flirt a lot with the younger guys and vise versa, but since I am several years older than them, and engaged, they leave me alone. One of my managers is kind of a ladies man, but his flirting means nothing, it is simply how he relates to women, I don't flirt back and he chilled with me when he saw my ring. Of course, this is also not a "proffesional" enviroment but a grocery store with a lot of older HS kids and college kids, the managers are all no more than 40, 2 of the 3 are yonger than 25.
DH does media for our church, which includes Announcement shoots and such. There was one girl in particular that was always a little more on the flirtacious side and DH made a point to not take any part... ie.. not laughing at any funny jokes
I believe she finally got the picture and stopped.
I definitely think that men and women can work together but am pretty mindful of extracuricular activity and don't think it's "safe" or very wise for someone who is engaged/married to create friendships between someone of the opposite sex who are single.
As long as you FI keeps an appropriate boundary then there shouldn't be an issue... She can flirt but it should be very clear the FI isn't accepting of it, b/c that leads to more flirting.
I, like Ryna work in IT. I've only ever had one female coworker in my department. I've never flirted with any of them- until I met my FI. We met at work, but no longer work together. We were both single though and kept our flirting and dating to after hours. I don't flirt with anyone else, he doesn't (as far as I know) flirt with anyone at his office. On the flip side of the coin, the office I currently work at employs a lot of young women- I think the median age is 25-ish and there is a ton of flirting going on in other departments.
The moral of my ramblings is yes, it's absolutely posible to work with the opposite sex without flirting, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Obviously I think flirting does go on in the workplace, but I personally don't feel tempted to do it. I am a teacher, so I found the comments about teaching to be kind of interesting. I teach at the high school level and work with several males, all of whom are relatively young like I am and definitely physically attractive. Many of the high school girls get weak in the knees when they go to their classes. ;)
However, with that said, we are all engaged or married and I have never felt any "sexual tension" or flirting going on between any of us. Sure, I can recognize that they are attractive, but it's a professional environment and I would never think of flirting. Our focus truly is on the kids and what we are doing for the day.
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FI is a teacher and is mainly surrounded by women. I never put a second thought into it until last night when they had an end of the year party for the teachers. FI asked me if I wanted to go, so we went and sat with a group of teachers that he works closely with.
It was so weird because this teacher was full on flirting with FI and her husband was sitting right there next to her. FI was telling me that shes just a really friendly person, but honestly I felt really uncomfy with some of the stuff she was "joking" or "being friendly" about.
So, last night while she was flirting with FI, he wasn't flirting back but Im wondering if its just because I was there... Now I cant stop thinking about it and its driving me nuts. He plays Words with Friends with her all the time and works closely with her evey day and it makes my tummy just turn.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I just over reacting or should I trust my gut and talk to FI about it.