Post # 1
My boyfriend and I started dating 4 months ago. We’ve known of eachother since elementary school but had never really been friends. From the moment we met, we both knew we were meant to be. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. He told me he loved me on our 3rd date. He is the most amazing man. We basically moved in together right away and began taking about marriage. 2 months later, we went to a jewelry store to find a ring. We picked out a gorgeous, ridiculously expensive ring. ($15,000). My boyfriend went back to the store a few days later and paid cash for it. They told him it’d be here in 4 weeks. We were thrilled.
And then I went pre-engagement crazy. Things were great til week 4. Then I knew the ring should be in and was soooooo excited about getting engaged. Everytime he did anything a little out of the ordinary, I’d get my hopes up that he was going to propose and then it wouldn’t happen. I was terrible at hiding my disappointment.
A few days ago, I could tell something was wrong. We had a VERY emotional discussion. He is worried that I’m not happy, and worried that we will be miserable together if we marry. Neither of us want to ever go through a divorce. We talked and admitted we’d both made mistakes. He plays video games too much and can ignore me. I get mad about the video games and get pissy. I also know I focused way too much on our engagement and marriage than on our current relationship. We almost broke up, but decided to give it one more week.
In the past week, we have both been trying. He’s spent more time with me. We’ve had fun together. He’s still telling me he loves me, and we’ve had sex (sorry if TMI). He thinks I have sleep apnea (he does too) and is insisting on paying for a machine for me. He thinks it will make me much more energetic and happy. I think he’s probably right. I love this man. I love our life together, and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I wish I’d never known about the ring. I want to take a step back and focus on us. The engagement and wedding stuf can wait. Do you think we have a chance? Is this relationship over??
Post # 3
I think you are right to take a step back from the engagement/wedding stuff and just focus on your relationship. Sometimes a ring can make girls go crazy (not saying you are!) but at the end of the day the ring/engagement/wedding doesn’t mean anything if the relationship is broken. I’d keep doing what you’ve been doing the past week and focus on each other and making each other happy. Good luck!
Post # 4
Doesn’t sound broken…you are taking the right steps. Focus on your relationship now. Engagement and marriage bring pretty rings, but not much change to the relationship. Start building now.
Post # 5
HECK NO, its not over girl! If the love is there, itll come back! We all have to take steps back sometimes. Continue to work on your relationship and don’t give up.
Good Luck and hugs!
Post # 6
You should go to a doctor instead of trying to self diagnose yourself. Maybe you haven’t been together long enough to really know each other’s habits. That’s the point of dating. To give yourself time to actually get to know the person and find out if you really want to be with this person every day. You need way more than love to make a relationship work.
Post # 7
Thank you, I hope you’re right! I think what we have is the real thing and we’re both scared. I feel like we are getting back to where we were before the ring stuff. It did make me crazy. I was obsessed with getting engaged. Im so glad we talked, and are giving us another chance. Every relationship goes through rough spots, right? Engagement and marriage are a HUGE deal.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t say your relationship is over!! I would suggest to just have a LONG engagement. The hardest time for my husband and I in our 8+ years relationship was when we moved in together full time and had to find a schedule that worked and get used to being in each others space. You could still be going through that adjustment period. What’s life without a little crazy every now and then?
Post # 9
It sounds like you guys are becoming more realistically paced, quite frankly. I think engagement after a few months is really, really fast. You are probably realizing that you’re coming out of the initial lust-goggle honeymoon phase. Taking time to focus on your relationship instead of continually running through exciting relationship milestones is really really important.
Post # 10
I think a lot of couples go through this. They get overly excited about the wedding and forget to focus on the relationship. I think if you guys want to make it work, you will. Good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 11
If the love is still there you are not destined for doom.
Can you find a hobby so when he plays his video games, you can occupy yourself, so you dont need him to have fun? MY husband plays video games constantly. I scrapbook, its what we do. It keeps us who we are as individuals.
Just a thought…
Post # 12
I don’t think it’s doomed, but I think some more time needs to pass before things get that serious. At 4 months I barely knew what my guy’s likes/dislikes were!
Just slow things down and enjoy them! 🙂
Post # 13
I think you’re both smart for taking a step back and analyzing the relationship. The engagement can wait – it will be something nice to work towards as a couple. He seems to be a smart man. I think many men are too scared to admit things are wrong.
Post # 14
If you know you are right for each other, what’s the rush? He’ll still be the right guy a year (or two or five) from now. But relationships are living organisms, that can be killed if you don’t raise them correctly. They need time and nuturing–e-ring and wedding stuff is just like over watering and too much fertilizer.
SLow down and just let the relationship grow naturally.
Post # 15
Yes I think you guys can DEFINITELY work this out. My finace and I actually have a similar story (in some ways). We have gone to school together since elementary, became friends in high school, and literally from the first day we started talking we KNEW we were going to get married some day. Now, since we were 16 we obviously weren’t going to actually get married, but I can tell you that had we been older we probably would have done EXACTLY what you two did (instead we waited 5 years to get engaged since we were so young).
I think you should just tell him you want to “forget” about the ring. I know how insanely hard it will be to stop talking about it, because I’ve been there. Only, with me I wouldn’t stop talking about when he was going to BUY it, since you know he’s already bought it maybe you can just tell yourself that it will come and just forget about it. Tell him to wait until he is ready and comfortable with everything, and try and focus on your relationship.
There’s all sorts of books out there, one that comes to mind is “101 questions to ask before you get engaged”. My fiance and I looked at that one. We had already talked about most of the stuff, but depending on how well you know each other you could get a LOT out of it. I recommend something like that.
And as a nurse and a daughter of someone who got a CPAP I can 100% vouch that it would make you much more energetic, not to mention the enormous health benefits.
Post # 16
I also defintiely agree that you should find a hobby to do while he plays video games (read, scrapbook, exercise, sew, etc. etc. etc.) My finace plays video games a lot as well, but I don’t mind because I LOVE to read, and I get hooked on these projects so I don’t even notice!