Post # 1
I didn’t realize there was so much gift-giving until I joined the bee! I knew about a couple.. but some were completely new to me!
So far I’ve seen gifts for:
your new spouse
your new spouses ILs (from your spouse to your parents)
your parents (From you)
the host of the bridal shower
host of the bachelorette
your maid of honor
I’m wondering.. if etiquette says that I have to give all of these gifts… can I even afford the wedding at this point? Jeebus!
Post # 3
HOLY CRAP! lol – that’s a lot of gifts.
I think I saw the thread of the girls giving to their brothers and sisters even though they weren’t ‘in’ the wedding. I think that is odd.
I am giving a gift to anyone who hosts a shower/bach party (This will include MIL and MOB). And one for our attendents. I am still deciding if I will do something for the flower girls…98% of the time they won’t remember it, will lose it, destroy it, etc so I am hesitant to get them a big item…so I am thinking it will be on the cheaper side. (But I do have four of them).
I have never heard of giving a ‘gift’ to an officiant – but I have heard of tipping him – or as some call it ‘giving a donation to the church’. We are doing this – but he is not charging us otherwise so it’s technically us just paying him.
I thought about getting gifts for the FOB and FOG but I don’t know. I can’t think of anything special either of them would like as neither are very sentimental and giving someone a screwdriver at your wedding is just plain weird.
EDIT: We are doing gifts for eachother for the day of but we agreed ahead of time that we weren’t buying b-day gifts in lieu of this.
Post # 4
Uh oh, I didn’t give my shower hosteses a gift, just a really nice thank you card. We are giving our officiant a nice leather notebook cover for his papers and money. The new spouse is a little funny to me – I don’t know why the bride and groom should gift each other. I did get FI a nice set of cufflinks for the day just because they were so him and I couldn’t resist. I wouldn’t include your siblings unless they are in the wedding party or contributing financially to the wedding.
I am planning on doing small personal tokens for the parents (like a hankerchief with a loving quote on it, or something like that). Haven’t gotten as far as the wedding party yet.
If you plan to stick to your list, keep your gifts small and simple. Hopefully it won’t cost you an arm and a leg.
Post # 5
Those are all unnecessary. I would give gifts to your attendants (though FI thinks that just being in the wedding is honor enough) for sure. Parents, IF they were supportive/helpful.
FI and I are exchanging small, very personal/meaningful gifts (like, under $40). We’re making photo albums for his parents and my grandma once we get our pro pictures back (from Shutterfly, with coupon codes). We’re getting gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen (and I’ll probably do a nice something extra for my MOH, who’s been amazing).
Post # 6
I’m currently dealing with gifts for my shower hostesses, there were 10 and it is taking for freaking ever and costing me a ton. Its worth it but geez.
Post # 7
I think a good rule of thumb is to get a gift for anyone who is being “inconvenienced” by your wedding. So bridal party for sure, since they have to pay for and wear stupid outfits that you picked … both sets of parents if they’re helping to pay for anything (we got lovely engraved frames for all sets of parents, and they LOVED them) … officiant, since he has to actually prepare your ceremony (though this would depend on if you have a professional officiant that you have to pay. We had my BIL do it, so we didn’t pay him and just got him a nice gift instead. If you’re paying a pro, you don’t need to also gift) … hosts of showers etc since that is a pain in the ass … and that’s about it, really. My husband was not inconvenienced by our wedding, so no gift for him 😉
And really, most of these gifts could probably be replaced with really nice, thoughtful thank you cards without anyone getting mad. No need to go crazy!
Post # 8
I gave Thank You gifts to
-my bridesmaids and MOH (they were all similar– a little jewelry box with their names engraved and they each got a different piece of cute inexpensive jewelry that I thought suited them. Also, my MOH hosted my bachelorette party and my wedding shower. I think I did something a little extra for her, but I can’t really remember.);
-groomsmen (a couple of them got beer mugs with their names engraved, a couple of them got flasks with their names engraved– my husband picked them out);
-my mom and MIL (a clear glass vase that has a pretty saying about families– I forgot exactly what it said);
-my dad (cuff links that have a sweet saying on it. FIL had already passed away);
-gift cards for my contact at the venue who helped me plan, the lady on the day of who helped everything run smoothly, and the officiant.
I don’t think I spent more than $50 per person, and they were all happy and surprised– they didn’t expect gifts. Also, I did not have a ringbearer or flower girl, but since they are commonly kids, I would assume you’d get them something inexpensive if you want.
ETA: My husband and I decided to not get each other wedding presents, but then he got me one anyway. I don’t think I got him anything though.
Post # 9
@vorpalette: +1 ain’t nobody got time fo ‘dat.
we are doing:
the host of the bridal shower
host of the bachelorette
your maid of honor
and i actually think our ‘officiant’ (a friend) will turn down our gift (his plane ticket). we may give his mother a gift, as she has helped a LOT with the financial side of the wedding. she is hosting one of my showers, so she is already getting a gift for that.
Post # 10
@vorpalette: I have been struggling with the Parents gift Idea – that is such a good idea!
Post # 11
@Chrysoberyl: I don’t think you need one from your spouse to your parents AND from you to your parents. I’m pretty sure everyone I know gave one gift to their parents as a couple. And I’ve never heard of giving your siblings gifts unless they were in your wedding party.
Post # 12
@lotto: TEN hostesses? Shoot… I mean, I cohosted with like 5 girls and we got thank you notes and were happy with that. With ten hostesses, none of them had to do THAT much. I wouldn’t be going overboard with their gifts.
Post # 13
Here’s my list with what I’m getting them:
Bridesmaids- the lanterns they are carrying down the aisle, a pearl necklace, and a gift card
Groomsman- tie, socks, and small bottles of their favorite alcohol
Officiant- tie, socks, small bottles of alcohol, and a gift card.
Host of shower- flowers
Host of reception (FI’s parents)- promised dinner out at a fancy steak house
My parents- though it’s debatable since they are not contributing- TBD
Ring dude and flower baby- toys and new outfits
Post # 14
@iarebridezilla: That’s a really interesting way to look at it!
I am getting gifts for anyone who significantly contributed to the wedding and isn’t getting paid. This includes
Bridal party (MOH will get a little something extra for hosting Bachelorette)
His parents (money toward welcome dinner)
My parents (doing the wedding in their backyard and Dad is cooking Welcome Dinner)
My grandma (paid for my dress)
Shower Hostess x2
Then I have a ton of friendors (cousin doing my hair, aunt doing video, 2 friends officiating, friend playing ceremony music, aunt doing tons of decorations) who will be getting small gifts
I don’t think we’re doing gifts for each other – we see the honeymoon as our gift to each other!
Post # 15
@MexiPino: Yeah I’m not, like $10-15 apiece. This is what happens when you don’t have a bridal party, you get your mother, FMIL, 2 FSIL, and 6 friends who all decide to plan.
Post # 16
@Chrysoberyl: I’ll be the first person to admit that I didn’t realize most of these either when we started the process, and they did add up. But they aren’t precisely mandatory — other than thank-you notes — and there are lots of cost-effective but personal ideas out there that you can use.
Here’s what we did in addition to thank-you notes, just in case it might help you.
Bridesmaids: Etsy necklaces and earrings, personalized totebags (Vistaprint Groupon), chocolate bars.
Groomsfolk: Their shirts and ties for the day, plus individualized smaller gifts.
Parents: An IOU for a Shutterfly album of wedding pictures and prints of their choice, for which we used Groupons. We waited for a 50% off sale on albums, and waited for a “101 free prints” deal from Shutterfly.
Officiants (our friends): Amazon gift cards (purchased with credit card points)
Bridal shower hostesses: waited til Bath and Body Works had a sale, then bought them all shower gel and lotion, using a BBW gift card I purchased using credit card points
I bought my husband engraved pilsner mugs off of Etsy and he bought me a Victoria’s Secret gift card. 🙂
None of these, except maybe the gifts for your attendants, are compulsory. Do what you can do, and I’m sure if it comes from the heart, it’ll be appreciated!