(Closed) Can the official waiting begin? (Sort of long.)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Only you know for sure.  Do you two feel like you are already married?  I mean that you already share everything together (not necessarily living together, but sharing all of your ideas, hopes, etc), are you best friends, do you just know that you two will end up together?

I read so many of these posts where girls are grasping at straws to try to interpret something that their BF does that MIGHT mean something. 

Honestly, only you know.  If you really do feel that you two have a very serious relationship, you are already best friends, and that marriage is the next NATURAL step, then hearing things like this is definitely a great sign.  If you aren’t sure, I think you are just hoping in vain for at least the time being.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I could be wrong but, I think the initial waiting begins when you both discuss and agree that marriage is in your forseeable future. Once you have the ring talk and begin your search is when the intensity of “waiting” begins. My opinion. I’m not an expert on these kinds of things but, from the outside looking in… it appears that you are on the “waiting” list.

Post # 5
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have the two of your actually discussed being married to eachother?  In this day and age, it is really unlikely for a proposal to come before any talk about marriage occurs in the relationship.

Post # 6
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Miss AsB and @Huneebee- I agree with you 100%.

Waiting begins once you two have decided for sure that you want to marry each other and you want to do it in xx amount of time.  If you have not discussed your future in very concrete terms, who is going to be the breadwinner, will both work, where do you want to raise your children, public school or private school, how will we manage our finances, etc etc etc, you aren’t waiting.  Especially in terms of “waiting” as it is known to mean on this board.  This is a wedding planning website.  For the most part, the girls who are “waiting” know they are going to get engaged soon.  For them, it’s just a matter of time. 

Post # 8
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Any reason why you can’t just ask him what his thoughts are on the timing for engagement/marriage?

In my experience, men typically don’t operate in “hints” and “clues.”  You could be reading more into it than is there.  He knows you’re very positive toward the idea of commitment/babies etc, so why would he beat around the bush if that’s really what he was getting at?

Nowadays I think most couples have some fairly blunt conversations about what’s happening, when, before it actually happens.

I don’t want to sound overly negative – clearly he’s very into you to say the things he has – but I wouldn’t go so far as to presume that he’s planning an engagement for the near term – it may not have crossed his mind.  If you want real clarity, I think you’ve got to talk to him – be direct and ask for specifics of what he’s thinking.

Post # 9
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@prettyflowers – i 100% agree with your advice–you should just ask him! you’ve got to be able to have these blunt conversations with him, it’s his future as well as your future.

i dont think you can really assume he’s going to propose soon unless you have a point blank conversation with him about it and he says that’s what he wants. now, i’m not saying demand a timeframe for a proposal, but you can ask if him if he ever thought about a timeline.

i think since may go away for a degree, you have to have the serious conversations and if he blows it off, or doesn’t give you the answers you’re hoping for, he’s not ready for the talk yet. i guess i don’t understand why this is a “rare topic”. if you plan on staying together, you need to discuss this openly and seriously.

most men aren’t subtle and don’t read into things like us women do 🙂 in MY opinion, if he was ready and the proposal was coming soon, you’d KNOW.

Post # 10
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with everyone’s insights.  My experience went like this.  It sounds like he is thinking about an engagement, but definitely doesn’t mean it’s imminent.  My boyfriend started out like this at least 8 months ago.  And then he’d stop.  And then he’s start talking about our “wedding colors”.  And then nothing mentioned.  It drove me absolutely crazy. 

Finally we had a serious discussion about engagement around December, and I let him know what I was hoping for.  I’m glad we had that talk because it cleared up a lot of unnecessary anticipation or let downs.  We went ring shopping in February.  After we looked at rings (I wasn’t “allowed” to tell anyone), we decided on a style (this took about a month).  Now he knows the style, the metal, the cut and carat size.  We know we’re getting engaged.  He has told me he even has a date picked out to propose, and from time to time has hinted at our engagement being six months from now.  I don’t talk about it and don’t obsess over it anymore because I know it’s happening.  Now I am just enjoying the ride.

I think the bottom line is, you’re probably going to get yourself worked up and be let down if you continue this way.  It absolutely sounds like he is considering getting engaged which is AWESOME for you!  If you guys are truly happy, just enjoy it and talk about it when the time is right.  There will be a time, but I’m still “waiting”, per se, and this started for me almost a year ago. 🙂

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