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I believe it can. It takes time and a lot of effort and both people have to be willing to communicate openly. The person that did the deceiving has to accept that they will be questioned and mistrusted for a period of time and be willing to talk at any given moment, answer very personal questions with honesty before the trust can start to be rebuilt.
DH and I had a big issue back in late July/early August where I was seriously considering whether or not to continue the relationship. We talked until I thought we'd be blue in the face for days. I decided to stick it out and see what happened, along the way I still had questions. I'd email him or call him or whenever I felt like it bring it up again so I could try to understand. He was willing, no matter what time it was, to be open about it. It was rough, I sometimes thought I'd never trust him again.
Since that day though, he has been so open with me, he has really shown that he is in this 100%. He's willing to do whatever it takes and knows I still have moments occassionally where I question things. Ita takes both people though, you can't do it on your own.
I agree.. If the love is really there and it is meant to be, trust can be rebuilt.
Me and my fiance have gone through a little rough patch as well(back in the first year of our relationship before we got engaged).. and like notasaint i would call or text him whenever i wanted to to ask him questions and not once did he get mad at me.. because he knew he didnt want to lose me and that he wanted to be with me. He would do whatever i asked him to do, and even i thought that wasnt enough.. I was so close to ending it with him too because i thought i could never trust him again, but he kept proving himself to me and one day i just woke up and decided that i trust him again. Although i dont know what your situation is... im sure if it was really meant to be you two could get past it...
Can you have a relationship without trust? Not a healthy one.
Can trust be rebuilt? Never say never...but it won't be easy.
thanks, it sounds like me, questioning like a crazy, especially when i get triggers. But I glad to hear that u and ur husband are making it.
For me, it would depend on the nature of the betrayal, but it sounds as though something very traumatic happened to you. Not knowing any of the details it's hard to say what I'd do in your situation. Everyone is different and every situation is different. I do know though that healthy relationships of any kind require trust and respect. Without those two components the relationship is dead.
I think that trust can be rebuilt, but it's something that both parties have to work really hard at - you have to WANT to make it work. And I think that it's something that definitely takes a long time...I think everyone is different, really. Some people (like me, probably) would never be able to truly let go of what happened, so trust couldn't be rebuilt.
@ ashley03, Hell I did it, left him last year, all for one year. But he kept inching and wiggling his way back, until i realized I still loved him and I couldn't turn it off like a light switch. so im here battleing the trust issue, taking it slow.
Alongs he doesnt break your trust again.. and he didnt do anything to bad.. I say goodluck!!! But no matter how much you love him, if he is gonna keep breakin your trust.. just remember... there are plenty of fish in the sea!
I agree, trust and respect are part of the foundation of a relationship. And I also agree that it takes a long time, im just tired. I wish it can all just fast forward for me and get to the part that I trust him again because its really real if i get there.
@ ashely.... Will do. I guess the advantage of someone new is that there is no love initially, no history, learning each other would either be easy or difficult, trust would be at 0, it would all be a clean slate. Thanks, I hope it works out for me to if its ment to be or work out with someone else that would make me happy if it don't work with this one.
Honestly, I wish I could say what the others have said but if you're asking if it can be rebuilt you secretly know that it cant/wont. When someone hurts you as bad as you've been hurt no matter how many years down the road you will have that in the back of your mind. You have lost a piece of your heart because this man put himself and his selfish acts first. Its your choice if you want to move on in life with someone that will not betray your trust or stay with this man and wait to see if it happens again. Good Luck.
From personal experience I stayed for 3 years thinking he would change, I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone!!! The only thing that got me to open my eyes and truly let him go was meeting my fiance for the first time. He actually kissed my hand when we met and it just showed me, I'm worth more than what my ex was giving me. I deserved to be treated with respect, to not be cheated on and to certainly not be beaten up. Throughout the course of a few months my FI showed me what it was like to be in a real relationship, it was amazing!
I know you are going through a whirlwind of emotions and I really wish that you find inner strength to figure out what YOU want. A bunch of strangers giving you advice is not the answer. YOU have to decide. Besides, there is always couples counseling. I went once and it was liberating. I got to tell him what a worthless.......he is! That was it for me!
@ ms. Lorson, My heart did truely get burned, it got burned cause I do love him. I don't love what he did but there r many other qualities about him that r good, Im not saying it out weighed what he did but its worth seeing where it can take me if I take it slow..... At this point of my life im not happy with him nor am I happy. But Im wiilling to see if he is truely with me. or not. Cause after everything He takes care of me and his son finiancially, and im not even working right now. He hasn't abandoned me and he supports me, and respects me. If he gets out of line I will call him on it and willnot esitate to say im done, no matter how much i love him. One thing I will never tolerate is his hands on me, and he knows that.
Iam sorry for what happened to u, no body should ever have to feel obligated to tolerate someone elses abuse, or physical attacks in the name of love, so I am happy for you, you found someone that can treat u the way u need to be treated. As for getting advice from strangers, I like to know many peoples opinions because they come from many walks of life, from all over the state that have experienced different circumstances, so I truely welcome what other people have to say.
In terms of finding someone new that won't betray me, there is still a 50/50 chance. Men and women r human beings, thats all we do r mistakes like were going through trial and error to learn.
So the thing is, im not staying for him or my son, Im just here, learning to say "what ever", cause the truth is I need to get my life together without him and see if I can be with him, "seperate but together" That way if I have to go I have more power. At the same time, I don't care about meeting someone new to figure out if that person is someone I can marry. I have to learn the person all over, I am not in the mood for all the drama that comes with a new relationship at least I can say I know about 90% of this mans secrets. To learn some elses secrets i just don't have the energy right now. lol
I think sometimes it can be.
But I also know to what ability i can forgive. And I'm not one who truly forgives. You can be sorry as hell, but that doesn't mean I'll ever forgive you or hold it as a big black mark against your character. And once I lose respect for someone's character...well, I don't think it can always be regained. I just don't think you always get a second chance, not even for love.
awww, second chances in the name of love.... Love have a way of making someone tolerate things that seem like a no brainer from some elses perspective. However, for me it all depends, for example. If this man in my life was not helping me in anyway and on top of that wanted to be in my life to drain more of my life force, then no, no second chances.
HE is not a dead beat which is part of my reason for a second chance. IF he had nothing else to offer other than sex, then no, no second chances. I think it all depend what the person have to offer me at the same time.
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I still love the man that has betrayed me and destroyed all trust. I decided to take things slow with him and try to move pass it. But Im wondering if trust can ever be rebuild again. Or is there such a thing as not caring, being in a relaitonship with out trust. Im sure that can't be healthy.