Post # 1
Mr Farmerfen & I are in a bit of a pickle. Hoping you can help. We live in England, where we’re both finishing our PhDs. Wedding is August 2010 (in UK) when, God willing, we will be introduced as husband/wife team of Dr & Dr Farmerfen. (Woohoo!)
Soon, we’ll both start looking for jobs. We have no idea where we’ll be going to start our academic careers (though together, we hope!). Maybe we stay in UK? Maybe Denmark? Canada? Kazakhstan? Eventually we want to end up in US and be normal, find a house and have a family, but it’s unlikely this will happen for at least 3 years.
How can we handle this gift-/registry-wise? (Most of our guests are in America, UK & Canada.)
We don’t expect gifts but know that many people will want to contribute to our future together. (We’ve been poor graduate students for a while now and our families are eager to see us get on with things). But it just doesn’t make sense for us to accumulate any more -stuff- right now. Don’t get me wrong, there are loads of things we’d love to register for and have and use. It’s just that we won’t have space for things before the wedding (we share a room in a house), we’ll probably be packing up shortly after the wedding, we need to downsize as it is, and any Kitchenaid Blender or espresso machine probably wouldn’t have the right cord for us to be able to use it.
Maybe we could say something like “in lieu of gifts, we’d would really appreciate gift cards for Target or Home Depot, because eventually we will set-up house in US”? But do these things expire?
What would be most versatile, I suppose, is to have people put gifts of money into an American bank account which my parents can set-up for us, which we would use toward a house and/or house-y things, when we eventually get to the US. But people are funny about giving money, aren’t they? Sigh.
Post # 3
I did a PhD in England…congrats that you’ll have your viva soon!
I’m not exactly in your situation, but FI and I are also in a state of flux at the moment. Totally sympathize with what you’re going through.
You really need to check about those gift cards. They’re tricky. Some expire, some take money out if you don’t use them after a certain period of time, some have service fees… I think Amazon.com gift cards never expire, but you can only use them at Amazon.com (not .co.uk, .ca, bascially if you don’t end up in a .com area).
We’re also looking at setting up a honeyfund.com registry, but with $10 increments of “our dining table and chairs,” “our first couch,” and stuff like that. Maybe that’s an idea?
Maybe because I have a fairly tolerant set of friends and come from a culture that gives money at weddings that I told people that IF they wanted to give a gift (because I honestly don’t expect anything from friends coming from overseas), I set up a small registry at place X, but really would prefer cash. No one has been scandalized.
I want to believe that people who know and love you will understand your circumstances. But some won’t, hence the small registry. I want to say BB&B still gives you cash if you return items, but I’m not sure. If you can’t store those items at a family member’s home, then you can always return them.
Post # 4
Oooh blightygirl, thank you!
Your idea of coming up with a small registry is super…bring on the LeCreuset!, it’ll just have to stay at Mom & Dad’s for a while!
Since posting I’ve talked with my mom and she’s going to be sure to make our situation clear to the distant family. So, that should help tons. I’ll also look into expiry of cards.
Post # 5
I LOVE this question! Thank you so much for asking it! My boyfriend and I will be moving SO much the next few years, so it would be nice if people gave us money to fund said moves but I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that!
Post # 6
I had a friend who was was to move to England almost immediately after their wedding in the States. So instead of the usual registry, he had it set up to where you can contribute say $25 toward a kettle. Or $200 for a set of pots and pans where they could purchase when they got to the UK. I didn’t think it was tacky at all. They had a list of things they needed, the approximate price for said piece, and so on. Their thank you notes had a picture of them and gift they bought with the contributed cash. It was cute and really well done.