(Closed) Can you at least pretend?-vent

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bao: {{{Hugs}}}  I totally understand how you feel.  It can be so frustrating to put forth so much effort for the ones we care about only to not get the same effort for you in return.  As frustrating and hurtful as that may be you just have to TRY and shake it off and focus on the joy of marrying the love of your life.  This is why I think weddings should be more about the couple’s union rather than a blending of families/communities.  The fact is sometimes familes/communities don’t care or have moved on to the next big thing (i.e. – BABIES).  Remember, as you already know, no one cares as much as you and your FI do.  That being said, treat yourself well during this time.  Splurge on the extra 10 minute leg massage when you get your pedicure.  Or that super sexy nightie the FH would just LOVE!  This is your wedding and you deserve all the joy in the world!  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bao: We all need to vent sometimes and weddings are usually vent worthy.  LOL!  You can always find support here.  The bees are pretty great.  Feel free to PM me anytime.

Post # 6
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Bao: i feel this because my mom is totally off with the whole thing. i tried really hard to get her involved the other day by showing her some dress ideas etc etc she never said a word just look bored. its not like i have asked her for ANYTHING money help time ANYTHING. 

i just wated a little interaction.

chin up you just have to hold it together til your big day and then focus on you and fi

xx

Post # 7
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a very awkward last few months in the States, because my roommate and a close friend were the opposite of excited for me, and there would be a fight if I even brought it up at all! So I had to keep all my wedding planning and excited wedding talk to myself :/ It really sucked not being able (or allowed, I suppose) to share my happiness – because they weren’t happy for me and didn’t want to hear about it, saying I would “have to prove them wrong” (about us lasting) before they would get happy for me. So basically, when we’re still married in a few years and come back for the American reception (at least 2 summers from now) THEN they’ll be excited. I’m still really hurt about it.

So it’s okay to feel the way you do and I completely understand. It’s a big deal, one of the biggest days of your life, and when people aren’t acting that way, it really stings!

Post # 8
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I absolutely sympathize, and we’re in a very similar situation. It always ends up feeling so unbalanced when you make a real effort for someone else and they just will not reciprocate.

Frankly I used to see other people talk about this and think, “they’re just being overly sensitive, nobody is really out to get them, people do care, it’s just their imagination.” But now I absolutely understand that yucky feeling — almost like rejection, which nobody enjoys — and I tell you it’s sadly accurate.

You (and I) admit that nobody will care as much as the couple getting married, but it’s funny how everyone ELSE seems to demand support and enthusiasm but you never receive it. I have absolutely nothing of value to offer in terms of advice, but I’m standing with you in solidarity.

You can post exciting or venting things here on the ‘Bee, and we’re all here with you (yeah, I know we’re strangers, but we’re NICE strangers!!). Giggle and smile about getting married with your FI if you can, and I hope things get better for you soon.

Post # 9
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Just don’t let it get to you! It’s YOUR special day, and no one else’s!!!

Post # 11
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I have dealt with this for so long.  Just as things have been beginning to look up, people have been interested more in my wedding as it grows nearer, FCIL announced that she’s going to try to get pregnant in December.  So, now, everytime she’s around, I can’t talk about my wedding without her bringing up her baby that doesn’t even exist yet.  I can only imagine how horrible it’s gonna be when she actually IS pregnant.   This girl is supposed to be my BM, but how can I have her as a BM if she refuses to talk about my wedding or let me have my moment? 

Post # 12
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In the same boat with FI’s parent’s.  They cared enough to give us their thoughts on our destination wedding and asked us to cancel it because it was inconvenient to them.  We did. That was 8 months ago and we’ve only discussed the wedding once since then.  It can’t be brought up at family dinners or nothing because FMIL is in denial about it happening.  “She’s not ready” she said. My mom is not supportive either, so we’re getting NO support from our families whatsoever. It really sucks. I really do feel that no one is excited about this wedding.  Sometimes I think “Is it really happening or did I make it up in my head? Because no one but us seems to care about it.”

Post # 13
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My freshly divorced cousin got knocked up and announced it about a month after my husband and I got engaged. No one cared about the wedding or the fact that we were doing things the right way.

But we’re married and happy and she’s divorced with a kid by a guy who doesn’t love her. So whatever.

Post # 14
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel the same way but this makes me wonder… 

What do we expect??? 

I know I expect SOMETHING but idk what (?!) 

What are your expectations for people around you during this time. 

Honestly, I feel the same way, very few people have given a damn. No shower party or nothing, we’ve been engaged for 5 months and are getting married in two. 

The topic ‘Can you at least pretend?-vent’ is closed to new replies.

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