Can You Be Yourself Around Your Family?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: I'm more comfortable around...
    my family. : (12 votes)
    22 %
    friends. : (20 votes)
    36 %
    both, equally. : (23 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I feel completely comfortable around my close family and friends. Extended family and in-laws, not quite the same dynamic. I think it is difficult when personalities clash and finding that common ground with family. Have you ever spoken to your family about how you feel? My Mom and I are polar opposites, she is very prim and proper, me, not so much. We talked about it once because I never wanted to offend her and after we had our chat, things got so much better. I may mortify/offend her with some of the things I say or do, but she laughs them off and understands I don’t mean any harm. We are simply happy that we can be ourselves around each other and it’s okay.

    I think we all alter ourselves given different situations, but if it is something that is bothering you, talk to them. They are your parents and will love you no matter what. They will probably appreciate you being yourself rather than the “type A” that they seem to think you are. A little friendly family chat might help a lot. I hope you figure it out, whatever you decide, and things get better. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    SprinkleDonut:  For me it really depends on the situation. I am close with my mom, but there are things I don’t say to her/around her just because I think she wouldn’t “get it.” I am not myself around my sisters at all. They think I am shy/reserved, but most of the time they’re so loud and boisterous I couldn’t get a word in even if I had something to say.

    Definitely my FI knows me better than anyone. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    888 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m the opposite- really at ease with my immediate family, but not at ease at all with friends (probably why I dont have many). Im only fully at ease with my FI but I am pretty close with my parents and when I’m at their house I treat it like its mine. I can say and do pretty much what I want (except I dont curse infront of them). With the rest of my family I’m alot more reserved and I definitely watch what I say alot more with them. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    6604 posts
    Bee Keeper

    There are different parts of my personality that come out when I’m with my friends or family. I agree with PP that FI gets me the most.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1791 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m not super close to my parents. Hey both physically and mentally abused me and don’t admit to it. I have to shrink myself down to be around them. I know I’ll never have the relationship my sisters have with them…it hurts. But I have my own family now. So I can right the wrongs and end the cycle.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1076 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I am 100% myself infront of DH, followed by friends and then family. 

    After my mum died when I was 11 it was just me and my dad.. We were really close until he met me stepmother and since then there has been some distance. That sucks but I have a good “tribe” of friends. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    959 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

    I can totally be myself in front of my immediate family.  That includes my trucker mouth and all.  My sister and I are pretty similar in how “colorful” our language can be when we are with our immediate family.  She and I are outspoken and neither one of us hold back if something bothers us.  Our brother is the quieter one.  We are kind of like the Osbourne’s only without the drugs! 

    This makes me think of a funny exchange my sister and I had with our dad.  She and I were both going on and on about something that bothered us.  When we were done, he chimed in and said, “Well, I can tell you are both definitely my kids.  You’re bitchy like my sisters (he is the only boy with 7 sisters)  And, you’re both assholes, like me!”

    We can be crazy at times, but I am definitely grateful that I can be myself and speak my mind with my family.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    SprinkleDonut:  My family feels I’m uptight. They think my SO has a very dry sense of humor.

    I can be VERY easy going, but I’m also detailed oriented, punctual, organized, your basic type A personality. My family, as a whole, is not really. Things are never planned out. Never on time, and everything is last minute, fly by the seat of their pants. Sometimes that’s fun and sometimes, most of the time, it just doesn’t work for me. At all.

    There’s a lot of things we have the same sense of humor on, South Park, Mel Brooks. Other things, we don’t agree on, I think the Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother are just plain dumb.

    I do feel like the Black Sheep of the family most of the time. We disgree a LOT, BUT, they are my family. They have been there for me, and will always be there for me. And, we’re both blunt about how we feel about things. If I disapprove of something – like the time on an invitation is not a “suggestion” but the actual time you SHOULD be there, I let them know, and vice versa.

    We might not agree with each other, but love each other anyway.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2151 posts
    Buzzing bee

    SprinkleDonut:  I am not myself around my familly. I do everything you’re “suppossed to do”, but to be honest if we weren’t related I think the only person I would ever hang out with would be my dad, the rest of us have so little in common that I’m sure our paths would never cross and/or we woudn’t get along in any other context. 

    ETA: I am 100% myself with FI, and probably 90% myself with my closest friends. Then I have some friends that I have less in common with, but maybe we have a hobby in common or something so we only talk about that, but those aren’t my closest friends so I’m a little less open with them. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  swonderful.
    Post # 11
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee

    My mom past away 16 years ago, my father has always been absent and my uncle has been a father figure to us growing up. Of my immediate family it’s only I, my brother and my uncle. My father I call by his name and if and when I do see him it’s more like a business meeting than family. My uncle is a super sensitive and somewhat anal-retentive person so I have to constantly be on guard of what I say, watch my mouth. Dare I say anything wrong, according to him; he will remember it for ever and a day, and every now and again bring it up in conversation. My brother, well I just totally avoid him – sadly. He is the most unpleasant person I know. He is opinionative and arrogant; where he is you can be guaranteed there will be a fight. It is unequivocally the most exhausting experience to me visiting with any one of them.

    The problem is I am a very straightforward person – ‘if it looks like a cow and it moos like a cow, it’s a cow!’ – I say a thing like it is. So needless to say spending time with my family is like a match in a gas tank! I have trouble acting like something I am not. I must admit I sometimes feel like I am not from the same gene pool, only problem is I look like my mom and grandmother…   

    Post # 12
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

    Right now I’m working on feeling comfortable around DH’s family. I love them dearly and I’ve known them and have been around them for the past five years. But they don’t get together as often as my family does, so I’m still trying to figure out their dynamic. I am extremely comfortable around my immediate and extended family and around my group of friends.

    Post # 13
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m totally comfortable being myself in front of my partner, pretty comfortable around our friends, and not at all comfortable around my family. I always had to censor myself and pretend to be completely asexual around them.

    Post # 14
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    SprinkleDonut:  i completely understand! Im the same way to the point of sometimes getting anxious around them, especially if my family and friends r together in the same room

    Post # 15
    Member
    643 posts
    Busy bee

    I feel completely comfortable around my immediate family. With the exception of my sister in law, I’m not as comfortable with my inlaws. I’m also not as comfortable around friends as I am with family. I don’t feel like I have to be “on” with my inner circle family members whereas I still do to some extent with friends (and a greater extent with in-laws). 

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