(Closed) can you believe this voicemail?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Have you talked to your dad? Does he even want to wear a tux? Personally, I know that if I told my dad he didn’t have to wear a tux he would be ecstatic! 

Is there any particular reason your FI doesn’t want anyone else wearing tuxes?

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think you raised this before and i would let your dad wear a tux… its sounds like its a huge thing for him and really, its not as if hes the headline act so hardly anyone will notice what hes wearing but he will remember it/your wedding day

six more days – keep your eye on the prize and breathe it thru – goodluck!

 

Post # 6
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would say this is a situation where you and your fiance should just let go of it. You may not want anyone else wearing a tux and it is your wedding, but this is just adding stress for you. Nobody is going to upstage you and your groom and Dad isn’t going to ruin it by wearing a tux. You may be right, but do you want to keep dealing with this?

Post # 7
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I agree that you should probably just let it go – everyone will be focused on you and your FI – not on your dad! I bet no one will even notice that he is wearing a tux but him.

Post # 8
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hmmm… i guess i don’t really get your position on the no tux rule, but if that’s what you want then I think he should just deal… there are plenty of nice suits he could wear. I wonder if your father is just feeling like he is losing his little girl and is getting his own pre-wedding jitters? Its hard to say because it seems like there are a lot of other contributing factors to all this. Good luck, and hopefully your brother will still stay involved!

Post # 9
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It may be that some men of our fathers’ generation believe that tuxes are standard for grooms/groomsmen/fathers at weddings. As soon as I asked my uncle to give the Father of the Bride speech at the reception, he immediately asked if he should rent a tux? No one in our wedding is wearing one so that was easily solved, but I thought it was funny that he immediately jumped to that conclusion.

Maybe your dad is the same way, and he feels it would be inappropriate for him as the bride’s father (and perhaps host of the wedding?) NOT to be dressed to a T. I agree with the other posters — he won’t stand out for wearing one (unless it’s powder blue!) — and rather people come to weddings a little overdressed than underdressed.

Post # 10
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I unsderstand that you feel both fathers should wear tuxs but you must admit the Father of the bride does have more attention on him b/c he is “giving away” his daughter. He will be seen. It’s not like he’s asking to be the only one in a tux, just to be included… You might consider picking you battles :-/

Post # 11
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Why on earth wouldn’t you let your dad wear a tux?

Am I missing something here?

Post # 13
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well I think you’ve kind of already made your mind up, regardless of what the rest of us say.

I’d let my dad wear a tux if he wanted to– this is a very special day for him too, you know? If your FI’s dad doesn’t want to wear a tux, that’s okay too! But your FI’s dad can’t be upset if someone ELSE wants to wear a tux just because he isn’t comfortable in one! That sounds more like an issue with your FI’s dad than anything else.

If it is this important to your dad and your brother that he wear a tux, is it really worth getting all worked up about 6 days before your wedding on principle alone? I get that “its your day” and “its unacceptable” and all that, but maybe take a step back and realize its just a suit? Perhaps give up this battle but win the war, if you will.

Post # 14
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s your day – if your brother and father want to act infantile, then fine. They can do that, all by themselves. I wouldn’t give in to such behavior because then you set precedent that they can act this way in the future and get away with it. If your brother called and left that kind of voicemail (which is cowardly in my opinion, to leave it on voicemail), I’d call him back and say ‘hey, that’s up to you. This tux issue with dad, is not your business. You can decide what you want to do about the reading, but I need to know by X date and time.’ Leave it at that. 🙂

Good Luck!

-Bella

Post # 15
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Why is everyone acting like such big babies? I don’t understand why they can’t just wear a suit like you’ve requested.  I can’t picture anyone willingly putting themselves in a rented tuxedo that 100 other men have sweated and danced in.  Unless he owns his tux, then i’d tell him to quit whining! 

I just re-read some of your previous posts.  You’re like me – why get so much fuss over things that are just tradition, but don’t mean anything to you? people get so unnecessarily offended with wedding traditions.  People begging you to bring children places they’re not invited? complaining you don’t want to cut the cake? etc.  I would just keep saying a stock answer like “i appreciate your interest, but this is how we’ve decided to do things” and just say it verbatim EVERY TIME.  People will get the point.  I would be annoyed if i were you too!  Especially if you’re paying or footing most of the bill. 

Post # 16
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I don’t see why they can’t just wear suits. A tux is just a kind of black suit anyway, isn’t it?

But if they are all giving you such grief about it, you should just let him wear what he wants, whether the fathers match or not. It’s not one of those things that matters in the long run.

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