Post # 1
I have three brothers who I want to be in the wedding. Two of them don’t like church-related things, so I gave them the option of reading, taking up the gifts, or being a greeter. One said greeter, then later told me he didn’t want to, but would if I really wanted him to. One said he would think about which one he wanted, then texted me that he didn’t want to do any of them. One said he would do whatever I wanted, so I told him I wanted him to do a reading, he agreed. My FI doesn’t want anyone to wear a tux besides him and the groomsmen, and my brother (who agrees that he shouldn’t wear a tux) keeps HARRASSING me about my father wearing tux. I keep telling him that’s not what we want. I texted him that for the fourth and final time, we aren’t doing that. My brother then left a voicemail (6 days before the wedding) that if I am going to treat my poor father like that who has been nothing but good to me (SOOOOOOOOOO not true, my parents have been AWFUL but that story would be extremely long), then he isn’t going to do the reading. (Fortunately, the programs aren’t finished, but they don’t know that!) I want to un-invite my family, but I know that is probably a bad idea. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Have you talked to your dad? Does he even want to wear a tux? Personally, I know that if I told my dad he didn’t have to wear a tux he would be ecstatic!
Is there any particular reason your FI doesn’t want anyone else wearing tuxes?
Post # 4
My dad keeps trying to make the wedding all about him. He repeatedly asked us to move the wedding date for him (even after we explained what a harship that would be for FI and me and then asked that we move it to Friday despite most of our guests being out of town). He repeatedly stated he wasn’t coming to the wedding, and then changed his mind. He complained that everyone thought he was “only the third most important person” in the wedding- behind me (the bride), my mother, and then him. As if the groom isn’t important. FI’s dad doesn’t want to wear a tux, and we think it should be both or none. I don’t see it differently than the fact that I don’t want anyone wearing white.
FYI- Since people might think my dad doesn’t like my FI- FI has never done ANYTHING rude to my father, and is nice, same religion as me, not divorced, no kids, no criminal record, highly educated, and has a good job.
Post # 5
i think you raised this before and i would let your dad wear a tux… its sounds like its a huge thing for him and really, its not as if hes the headline act so hardly anyone will notice what hes wearing but he will remember it/your wedding day
six more days – keep your eye on the prize and breathe it thru – goodluck!
Post # 6
I would say this is a situation where you and your fiance should just let go of it. You may not want anyone else wearing a tux and it is your wedding, but this is just adding stress for you. Nobody is going to upstage you and your groom and Dad isn’t going to ruin it by wearing a tux. You may be right, but do you want to keep dealing with this?
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I agree that you should probably just let it go – everyone will be focused on you and your FI – not on your dad! I bet no one will even notice that he is wearing a tux but him.
Post # 8
hmmm… i guess i don’t really get your position on the no tux rule, but if that’s what you want then I think he should just deal… there are plenty of nice suits he could wear. I wonder if your father is just feeling like he is losing his little girl and is getting his own pre-wedding jitters? Its hard to say because it seems like there are a lot of other contributing factors to all this. Good luck, and hopefully your brother will still stay involved!
Post # 9
It may be that some men of our fathers’ generation believe that tuxes are standard for grooms/groomsmen/fathers at weddings. As soon as I asked my uncle to give the Father of the Bride speech at the reception, he immediately asked if he should rent a tux? No one in our wedding is wearing one so that was easily solved, but I thought it was funny that he immediately jumped to that conclusion.
Maybe your dad is the same way, and he feels it would be inappropriate for him as the bride’s father (and perhaps host of the wedding?) NOT to be dressed to a T. I agree with the other posters — he won’t stand out for wearing one (unless it’s powder blue!) — and rather people come to weddings a little overdressed than underdressed.
Post # 10
I unsderstand that you feel both fathers should wear tuxs but you must admit the Father of the bride does have more attention on him b/c he is “giving away” his daughter. He will be seen. It’s not like he’s asking to be the only one in a tux, just to be included… You might consider picking you battles :-/
Post # 11
Why on earth wouldn’t you let your dad wear a tux?
Am I missing something here?
Post # 12
This is important to my FI- his dad HATES tuxes (hard to even get him in a suit) and doesn’t want more attention draw to that. My bigger issue is with my brother. I have told him this previously, and he told me he would do anything I wanted in the wedding with full knowledge of the tux thing. To bail on me 6 days before the wedding without anything new is unacceptable.
Post # 13
Well I think you’ve kind of already made your mind up, regardless of what the rest of us say.
I’d let my dad wear a tux if he wanted to– this is a very special day for him too, you know? If your FI’s dad doesn’t want to wear a tux, that’s okay too! But your FI’s dad can’t be upset if someone ELSE wants to wear a tux just because he isn’t comfortable in one! That sounds more like an issue with your FI’s dad than anything else.
If it is this important to your dad and your brother that he wear a tux, is it really worth getting all worked up about 6 days before your wedding on principle alone? I get that “its your day” and “its unacceptable” and all that, but maybe take a step back and realize its just a suit? Perhaps give up this battle but win the war, if you will.
Post # 14
It’s your day – if your brother and father want to act infantile, then fine. They can do that, all by themselves. I wouldn’t give in to such behavior because then you set precedent that they can act this way in the future and get away with it. If your brother called and left that kind of voicemail (which is cowardly in my opinion, to leave it on voicemail), I’d call him back and say ‘hey, that’s up to you. This tux issue with dad, is not your business. You can decide what you want to do about the reading, but I need to know by X date and time.’ Leave it at that. 🙂
Post # 15
Why is everyone acting like such big babies? I don’t understand why they can’t just wear a suit like you’ve requested. I can’t picture anyone willingly putting themselves in a rented tuxedo that 100 other men have sweated and danced in. Unless he owns his tux, then i’d tell him to quit whining!
I just re-read some of your previous posts. You’re like me – why get so much fuss over things that are just tradition, but don’t mean anything to you? people get so unnecessarily offended with wedding traditions. People begging you to bring children places they’re not invited? complaining you don’t want to cut the cake? etc. I would just keep saying a stock answer like “i appreciate your interest, but this is how we’ve decided to do things” and just say it verbatim EVERY TIME. People will get the point. I would be annoyed if i were you too! Especially if you’re paying or footing most of the bill.
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I don’t see why they can’t just wear suits. A tux is just a kind of black suit anyway, isn’t it?
But if they are all giving you such grief about it, you should just let him wear what he wants, whether the fathers match or not. It’s not one of those things that matters in the long run.