"Can you email the info? Haven't gotten a card yet…"

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It depends on how close to the wedding date it is. Some people, I resent invitations to. Some people, I emailed them the PDF versions of my invites (I had a graphic designer do the invites so I already had these). Then, when I got the return to sender in the mail, I plan to remail them with the thank you cards to those people that never got an invitation.

Post # 4
3259 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh, this happened to us and I found it to be so rude.

It was a little easier for us because we ended up getting married out of state in my hometown, but we were honest and told people that we opted for a more intimate ceremony, and while we appreciated and loved them, we had to keep it to family and close family friends.

If they feel awkward with your response, let them! It was an awkward thing of them to ask you! 😉

Post # 5
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I didn’t really have anybody ask about an invite seriously who wasn’t invited…I had some people I had just met ask and laugh about it (they knew they weren’t invited, and made jokes about being my flower girl and whatnot)…I only had one person make a comment on Facebook that made it seem like she thought she would be invited, when she wasn’t. I just ignored it.

If somebody asked to my face, I would have bluntly said “oh it’s a smaller wedding, you know how it is, that sh*ts expensive, haha” I’m rude and not one to beat around the bush though. But I didn’t have it happen, I find most people seem to know their place *shrug*

Post # 6
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We had a small wedding (less than 50 people including the wedding party), so we had to cut our guestlist quite a bit. We only got a few of those comments, and most were said in a joking way that I just laughed off.

If they are seriously asking you (not joking), then tell them that you haven’t finalized your guest list yet if that’s the case or that you decided to have a smaller wedding if that’s the case. However, if you’re having a huge wedding with a tong of guests, I don’t really know what to say there.

Post # 7
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Haruyou:  This definitley happened to me:  I have a friend, who while I am “close” to- we used to work together, we’ve talked about a lot of stuff together, etc….and while over for coffee, before we finalied our invite list- she basically said she’s coming to my wedding, hands down.  “You’re inviting me, right MrsEme?  You know I want to be at your wedding, right?”  She even had the audacity to suggest me firing my sister as my MOH and having her be my MOH instead– and while it’s true my sister and I were having a seriously uncool moment, I wasn’t asking for anyone’s opinion on what to do- just asking for an ear to listen.  That’s all.  She hinted at the MOH things way more than once, and even brought it up again after she knew my sister and I were doing fine again.

The problem is, I couldn’t lie and say our guestlist was seriously limited- I mean it is, but we were definitely inviting a couple that is mutual friends with this girl and I- and while I connect on a much better level with “B”, it would have been a serious slap in the face to not at least invite “R” (the pushy one)—-

it’s not that I don’t like her.  Of course I so.  She used to drink too much, and she sometimes doesn’t respect personal boundries (ok, more than sometimes)- but she’s still been a pretty good friend to me, for the most part.  She’s sober- and has been for months- and genuinely wants to stay sober.  I just hope she can keep her potty mouth to a minimum at the wedding!!!


So basically, I’m a self-labeled pussy.  I coudln’t say “NO”, even though she wasn’t included on FI and I’s original list :/

Post # 8
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I heard a lot of that too. Mostly from people who were going to be invited anyway, but it still bugged me! Even my aunt said “don’t forget about me!” Really? So silly!!! But I heard a lot of “I better be invited!” it almost made me not want to invite them!! One person told another friend “hey, I never got the evite for her wedding”. Totally classy!!

If anyone said anything I would usually just say We both have huge families & couldn’t invite everyone we wanted.

Post # 9
2694 posts
Sugar bee

Text or Facebook = ignore their rude butts.

To your face = were still working on the numbers, blame the venue, expense, anything. I told everyone that I didn’t want a wedding so no one is invited.

When I got married, my engaged little sister posted a few photos from my bachelorette party. She got a ton of “What no invite? How rude” from her friends who thought she posted her party photos. No, they’re being rude. Her FH gets the “don’t forget to invite us” messages too. They’re probably going to elope.

Post # 10
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

I have to say that my SO did actually email a friend last year because everyone was confusedaboutinvitessince she posted openly on FB about stuff (status literally said “save the date goes techie – be ready to party it up on (date)”) and talked a lot about it. Then I figured that we were not invited as others had recieved invites until I recieved an invite to her wedding shower. So he asked because I was confused and didn’t know what to do (though how he worded it was “we were not expecting an invitation and do not expect one (though we would love to be there), however laceydoilies recieved an invite to your wedding shower so we just wanted to make sure that maybe it just didn’t come in the mail”. I have no idea if she had intended on inviting us or if it was an afterthought or whatever. It was incredibly awkward before the wedding since no one knew (there were people who were not invited that were hurt due to how public she was) due to how public she was with details and the unofficial invite via facebook invite.

Anyways, after my little story … My point is to be cognisant of who you are around when you are talking about your wedding and everything. If you don’t talk about it around people/make public statements about it or pictures from planning in a public forum (Facebook or otherwise) then the people who are questioning you are just being plain rude. I think the only polite thing to do is either say “your invite is coming your way” or “I appreciate your love and support but it was just not possible for us to invite absolutely everyone we wanted, I hope you understand”. I think that if you handle it graciously then you are not being impolite, since the question is completely impolite to begin with. 

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