Post # 1
Just curious, because DH & I want kids, but my DH always says that they’re a lot of work, he doesn’t want to give up freedoms, etc. I don’t feel like anyone can ever really be prepared for the work, and that it’s just an adjustment all the way around. I feel like waiting for a *perfect* time, means never having kids. But maybe I’m wrong..
So what are your thoughts?
Post # 3
@roweboat: No. LoL any person who has a baby will tell you that.
I can’t wait to have a baby. I want to be done with school before I have one, but I want one now LoL
Post # 4
@roweboat: From my experience you can NEVER be 100% sure. Being open minded and ready for a new challenge is what made us go for it:)
Post # 5
my mother told me that nobody is ever 100% ready. no matter what, there will always be something that derails the plans. you’ll never have enough money, or enough time, or any of that. it’s just one of those things that you have to jump into, and hope for the best.
i think you can be ready, but never 100%.
Post # 6
@roweboat: From what everyone keeps telling me, you can never be 100% ready. I keep hearing the same thing over and over… “If you wait for the perfect time to have kids, you’ll be waiting forever”.
With that being said, we are waiting until we are officially married (common law at the moment), I’m finished school (round 2 in post-secondary), and we have house renos finished before we TTC. We may never be 100% ready but I’d like to have as much in place as possible before we dive in.
Post # 7
@PermaStudent: That’s what my mom always told me re: waiting forever for it to be the perfect time.
It definitely wasn’t the perfect time for us and I did NOT feel fully ready but we went for it anyway once I turned 29 (I want to be done having babies by 35).
It’s an enormous adjustment and nothing anyone tells you will really help you understand just how much becoming a mother changes you. That said, I wouldn’t give my daughter up for anything. Parenting is hard work but her smile makes everything worth it.
Post # 8
@roweboat: I agree you can never be 100% ready. But you’ve been married less than a year, which seems a bit soon, especially if you’re still in your 20s. (I had my first at 29).
Post # 9
@Holly77: This x 1,0000!!! My DH and I keep going from feeling completely ready to so far from feeling ready. I guess it is just time to jump in with both feet and taking it as it comes.
Post # 10
@roweboat: Surprisingly FI has been hinting that he would like to start trying right after we get married. We sat down and had a talk about “preparedness” and what it all came down to was the fact that no one is ever truly ready to be a parent, financially, mentally, physically and you just have to figure out which is most important to you because they rarely all coincide. In fact about 4 years ago his father told us that if you waited until the perfect time to do anything in life you would never get anything done so if you want to do just do it (and this was in the context of marriage and children.)
Post # 11
Nope never 100% ready. I warred with myself for quite a while to just get to the point where I am TTC. There isnt a day I’m not second guessing myself!
Post # 12
I SHOULD NOT have read this thread, it’s making me want to open up the “baby timeline” conversation with FI which always ends in argument. He wants a house and my career underway. I agree I should have more of a career, but I’m happy to rent for a few years before buying. 🙁 it’s a war I won’t be winning and it makes me really upset to think about.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
No one can be 100% sure because most people realize children are life ruiners.
In a nice way.
Post # 14
We’re ready to start trying next year, likely on our honeymoon next spring.
Post # 15
@lealorali: HAHAHAHA I love this post.
I know I can never be 100% ready… and with my issues, that definitely means I’m just not going to have any.
I’ve said before, that if I ever really were in the “perfect situation” – meaning no debt, FH bringing in near six digits by himself, me not working, and a good location, I’d start to maybe think about it.
But that’s never gonna happen, it’s just not where our lives are headed, and I just know myself and know I could never handle it under less than 100% right conditions and the idea of even trying to makes me shudder. I look at average, not-100%-condtions parents and I sort of see them as like… superhuman almost. Very admirable. But I try to picture myself in that position and I see myself joyless and falling to pieces. Nope, that “never 100% ready” thing means I am CBC.
Post # 16
I know that there’s no such thing as being 100% ready, but I do think that is smart to wait until you’re ready in some ways. For example, i wouldn’t dream of having a baby if I can’t afford daycare, if I live somewhere without a baby room, if my career is still on its early phases or if my husband is still attending school. (He went back this year)
I agree that you have to work around it, but in your husband’s case I think that he’s not ready. Maybe you are, but you can’t be ready as a couple if 50% of said couple is not willing to do some things. Why not wait until he says “yes, I absolutely want to have kids now”?