(Closed) Can you get back with an ex?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. But you don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to be with you wholeheartedly. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and can’t wait to marry you.  When my husband proposed to me there was absolutely no hesitation, no doubts. We both knew that we wanted to spend our lives together. 
When I broke up with an ex a few years ago, he felt exactly like you described – he cried and begged me to reconsider. We were togeter for 3 years and it was heading towards marriage (we talked about it), but I knew something wasn’t right and he wasn’t the ONE for me. I didn’t know how best to explain it to him, other than “you are just not the ONE for me and I’m not the one for you”. I felt realy bad about it, and he didn’t see it coming, so that was even worse. But now looking back, it was the best thing that happened to me. 1 month later I met my future husband.

Just give it time, it will get better. 

Post # 4
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

6 months into my relationship with my Husband, I broke it off with him for a year.  I knew we were headed towards marriage and I wasn’t ready for that at that time.  There was a lot of other things I knew I needed to do on my own first.  I gave him no promise that I would come back to him.  But I did, one year later.  And we haven’t been apart since and duh, got married.

He dated other people and I dated other people in that time apart.  But I never thought nor said that I thought there was someone better out there for me.  I always knew it was him.

Post # 6
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Its possible…. I wouldn’t personally.

If she has zero desire to get back together then usually it is best just to move on with your life.

Post # 8
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Packers12:  That comes off to me as a nice way of her saying Not a chance.

I am sorry, just being honest with you.

Post # 9
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Packers12:   I wouldn’t wait for her.  I don’t know the story of your entire relationship and I don’t know what she’s feeling so unfortunately no one on here can tell you if there is or is not a possibility she’ll come back.

But I think all of us here can agree that you should focus on moving on.  And if she does happen to come back down the line – then great.  But who knows, you might have found someone even better for you by then.

Post # 10
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’m sorry this is happening to you, but it’s really important to move on and not to wait aorund thinking you will get back together. You may, but you should not hold on to that hope.

I got back together with an ex and we are now married, but something like 7 years passed in the meantime… along with many relationships. I even got married and divorced in the meantime. All those experiences are what made it possible for us to grow into people that were right for each other.

If I had stayed hung up on my ex-husband hoping we’d get back together or had continued to fight against the divorce, I would’ve missed the opportunity to be with my current husband, who is the most amazing person for me in the world. It’s so easy after a terrible, emotional experience (like my divorce or your broken engagement) to be defeated and to lose hope… to become cynical… don’t go there. Be positive and know that love is out there for you.

Post # 11
Hostess
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I know this is extremely difficult right now and you feel like the world can’t go on but trust me…time heals all wounds and you will realize (like she said) there is someone better out there for you.  Good luck buddy!

Post # 12
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m sorry this happened, but I agree with previous posters. Sounds to me like this breakup is a done deal in her eyes. I wouldn’t wait around for her if I were you. Go out with your friends, get your mind off her and dating. If she doesn’t want to be with you whole heartedly, then she wasn’t the one for you. Maybe she wanted the ring and wedding more than she actually wanted you and she realized that.

Post # 13
Member
9398 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

It is possible but I certainly wouldn’t count on it OR wait around for it…because most breakups don’t end up with the people getting back together and married.  I’ve got back together with 1 person in the past and all it did was drag on the relationship and prolong what was never a great relationship to begin with because we wanted different things.  We still ended up apart after that.

If it is meant to be then you’ll get back together but DO NOT WAIT AROUND for anyone.  All you will be doing is wasting your time (and we really don’t get much time on this earth, do we?)  Move on with your life.  Do you want to look back 5 years from now and wish you could get the time back you wasted waiting on someone who isn’t interested in a relationship with you?  No.

Most likely you will not get back together and you will find someone else down the road.  When you meet that person you will know that your previous relationship wasn’t right and you will be thankful you didn’t waste time waiting around for someone who has made it clear they do not wish to continue a relationship with you.

MOVE ON.  It’s understandable you’re still sad because it’s only been 2 weeks…but time will go on and time will help you heal.

Post # 14
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My now fiance and I broke up about two years into our relationship, and got back together later that year. Several years after that he proposed. This is not a common occurence, but the only reason we got back together was because I made the effort to move on.

I took a good look at my life and what I wanted out of it, I picked up old hobbies, ran some small marathons and dated other people. When he came back wanting to get together, I knew exactly what I wanted from our relationship, and what I would and would not tolerate. It was finding myself and my strength that made the difference, and knowing that I was going to have a happy life whether or not he was in it.

This is the time where you need to focus on you. The future is unknown, and the past is now behind you. You need to look forward and focus on what you want out of life (and don’t say her – it’s got to be bigger than that). 

One day the right person will come along and take up an awful lot of your time and energy. But right now, you can spend all of that time and energy on yourself. Pick up hobbies you’ve always wanted to try, spend more time with friends, travel.. whatever it is that floats your boat. So when the right person comes along (whoever that may be) you will be a whole person, ready to take on a new adventure, instead of someone still hung up on what could have been.

All the best, 

s.

Post # 15
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would move on. It’s not your ability to read people or judge character that you should be doubting, it’s your ability to trust this girl. You don’t sound like you did anything wrong; she just doesn’t know what she wants. She probably had doubts to begin with, and thought getting engaged would take care of them. Of course, it didn’t, and when she realized that, she broke it off. It’s a naive mistake on her part, but not an uncommon one.You deserve someone in life who knows what they’re doing and is ready to be in a fully committed relationship. There are plenty of great women out there who are just looking for a compatible, not-commitment-averse man to sweep them off their feet. As far as I can tell, you are a kind man who wants something serious, and that’s like catnip to women once they hit about age 25. You will not have any trouble finding someone to love you and be with you, but I think you should let this one go. She will only break your heart again.

Post # 16
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Relationships shouldn’t be this hard. When it’s the right person, it’s easy. Sure you’ll fight occasionally, but most of the time, you’re just naturally comfortable in each other’s company.

 

I have always firmly believed that unless an ex has had a complete 180, I would never date them again. You might have breakup goggles where you remember only the good but not the bad, but there was a reason you split up. Commitment issues, lack of chemistry, anger issues, just not the right connection, SOMETHING. You didn’t just drift off in your own ways.*

 

I hope your heartbreak heals quickly, but if she is willing to let you go, she didn’t feel completely the same way you did. Perhaps it is time to move on and find someone who makes you feel like that AND feels the same about you.

 

*If you did, consider that an exception to the rule.

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