Post # 1
I really want to see the organist and vocalist do a wedding at the church we are getting married in. My mom says I can just call the church and find out when there is a wedding happening and go to the service. Is this acceptable?
Post # 3
I think as long as you are respectful, didn’t make a scene (leaving early, coming in late, etc.) and didn’t take one of the best seats in the house, it should be fine! Just avoid being in too many photos or the video, or the bride will notice you’re crashing!
Post # 4
If they are having a mass you can’t be turned away. It’s suppose to be welcoming for every one.
Post # 5
I agree – I think that as long as you stay incognito…you should be fine!
Post # 6
@ddw: HAHAHA. Can you imagine if I came in late and sat with the parents of the bride? Awful! But picturing it makes me laugh.
Thanks for the advise. I will be super incognito.
Post # 7
Yes you actually can’t be turned away from a church so you are more than welcome to attend a ceremony. As the others said just be respectful and keep a low profile.
Post # 8
I think others have answered this well, I just want to point out that we actually encourage this here. The wedding guild coordinator at your church should have access to the list of upcoming weddings. Try to find that matches yours (with Mass or without Mass) then go. Also, if you tell the organist after the wedding why you’re there, sometimes he or she will sit with you and play through some different songs (that depends on the organist, though).
Post # 9
Totally acceptable – speak to the person in charge at the church and let them know your intentions – they may want to run it by the bride at first. Dress appropriatley.
The Manager @ the place I am holding my ceremony and reception actually told me to stop by on a night they were holding a wedding to check it out! I didn’t because I didn’t want to be intruding on a reception, but a ceremony is a different idea….
Post # 10
@MrsJKH2be: There’s nothing wrong with stopping by a reception location. We stopped by one to check out the DJ and band and another to check out the venue.
A reception location will usually let you in during room “turn over” so you can see the room done-up including the silverware and china. It’ll be during the cocktail hour so the bride won’t even know you were there. A DJ will let the venue know, then someone from the venue will escort you to the reception location and you can listen to the DJ work (usually during things like introductions). You usually stand outside the door or just inside so you’re out of the way and out of pictures. No one will notice you. Usually 10 minutes is enough.
Don’t feel weird – everyone does it. I bet there will be people popping into your wedding to check it out and you’ll never notice them.
Post # 11
I’m sure if you went, it would be okay. However, this may not be the best thing to do. The best way to find out how well a person plays or sings, is to attend a mass that they perform at.
Mass songs are pretty standard, from a stylistic perspective, so that would be your best bet. Imagine how you would feel if you saw someone at your wedding that neither you nor your FI knew. Nobody likes a party crasher.
Post # 12
We’re doing this today! It’s strongly encouraged at the Cathedral that we are getting married at and as someone mentioned you should find a wedding similar to yours. That might mean mass v. no mass, in our case it was important to go to a latino wedding because I’ve never paid enough attention to when and how the cultural traditions are done.
Whatever your reasons, I think it’s a good idea. It feels slightly weird–and I would NEVER drop in on someone’s reception–but it’s totally acceptable as long as you are low key about it.
Post # 13
Personally, I would be furious if someone popped into my ceremony or reception to check things out. I find it incredibly intrusive and disrespectful. I have seen venues show people reception set ups before the wedding begins but never during.
Post # 14
Actually, I would be very upset if someone had just dropped in on my ceremony uninvited. A wedding is a very special time in a bride & groom’s life – a personal experience that they have chosen to celebrate with specific friends and family members. It’s a wedding – not a shopping mall! People in attendance should be there to celebrate with the bride and groom – not shop for vendors! And yes, I would have noticed. 80% of my husband’s invites were out of town so the ones who came were mostly family. As I went through pictures, if I saw someone I didn’t recognize it would have thrown up a big red flag. I’m just not comfortabale.
However, if you could ask the church to contact the bride and ask for her permission, that’s a whole other story. With her permission, I think that it could be very appropriate and would probably make you feel much more at ease about it.
Post # 15
@FallFlowers: It’s actually very common for people to drop in on Catholic wedding ceremonies. We have one old couple at our church that goes to every single wedding (about 100 weddings/year).
The Catholic Church believes that a wedding isn’t “a personal experience”; it’s the binding of a relationship between the Groom, the Bride, and God. Because God is present in the joining of the couple, it is appropriate for the entire Church (including parishioners) to witness and assist in that day. That’s also why baptisms, confirmations, and ordinations are also open to the public.
If you have a different opinion of marriage than what the church teaches, it might be best to talk with the priest and see what else can be done, because if you are married in a Catholic church, there’s a very good chance some people will pop in to observe the ceremony.
Post # 16
@coffeehound – Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t get married at a Catholic church because I would not have been cool with that. But, I think that what you are describing is a whole different concept than what the OP wants to do. You mentioned parishoners, not people shopping for organists. DIfferent intent.