- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
without going into detail, stuff has been going on between my mom and my dad that makes me think he’s really not a good person. (they’ve been divorced for 5 years but they’re actually neighbors, living in the same piece of land)
i know of these things through my godfather and other friends that have witnessed it and heard my mom stories. she doesn’t talk to me about it because when my dad remarried earlier this year she talked about it non-stop and i got really mad and told her to stop talking to me about it as i was not interested, but apparently things have gotten ugly beyond silly jealousy like i thought it was.
my dad has always been nice to me. nice, period. since i moved out of my parents’ home at 17 (they divorced almost immediately after that) i never expected anything, so i guess i was never disappointed. my mom has been the one actually helping me and if I ever found myself in a tricky situation I would call her, not him. that is fine with me and i really never expected anything from my dad, and I was fine having the relationship we had: fun, interesting, etc; but not… serious? i don’t know.
the thing is though… can I keep having a cordial nice relationship to a person who I would probably despise if he wasn’t my father? If he was a friend’s husband, dad, coworker I would tell her: fuck him.
But obviously since he is my dad it is not easy.
Also, it’s very hard for me to say anything or cut ties, because he has never done anything to me directly.
My mom is not making it any easier because even though she’s so mad, upset, going through a hard time, etc; refuses to do anything official about it, like calling a lawyer. she always says she is going to, and then she doesn’t.
My morals and principles tell me I should confront him and cut ties, at least right now. But I am really not capable of doing so. It’s a can of worms that I don’t feel capable of opening. Dealing with him is not easy, that’s why so far I’ve chosen to have this easy relationship where we talk about our dogs, the news, the movies we’ve been watching, etc. But every time I do so I feel like I’m betraying my principles, my mother, and just women all around the globe.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for…Any experience with this? Thoughts? Do you separate your father from the man he is?