Post # 1
To help with cost we’ve been bouncing around the idea of skipping save the dates and just sending out the invitations six months before the wedding, when you would send out STDs.
We are also only putting a general engagement announcement in a paper in my area and one in his “hometown” (he’s an Army brat).
Is that enough or do you have to send out individual engagement announcements? We also may be skipping an engagement party entirely save for a small family BBQ with my family because of time and distance constraints.
I’m sure on the ettiquette at all can you help me out?
Post # 3
@11mikesgirl21: You sure can skip either/both of them! STD’s are a fairly new idea, and my FI and myself don’t plan to do them – instead, we are doing the same idea as you and probably sending out the official invitations a bit earlier than the ‘norm’. We did engagement announcement by word of mouth/phone. I’m with you on wanting to save some costs and I think I’d rather put the STd costs toward something else for the wedding. 🙂
Post # 4
@11mikesgirl21: you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to……it does all add up
Post # 5
We didn’t send out engagement announcements or Save the Dates. We sent out RSVP cards & Invitations. That’s it.
Post # 6
We didn’t send out STD’s or have an engagement party. I figured weddings went on for years without them so I could save some money there!
Post # 7
Honestly, I STILL don’t understand the point of STD’s…. and I didnt do them.
Do what you want.
Post # 8
Etiquette says you should send out the invites 6-8 weeks in advance. I’m not one of those etiquette dictators, but 6 months seems like stretching it a bit far even to me. From a practical standpoint, too, it seems risky. What if something changes? The date, the venue, the time… 6 months is so far out that the chance something will have to be changed just seems very high. Then you’ll have the problem of a) having to communicate the change to every guest, thus wiping out the money you saved AND increasing your stress level, and b) guests having made travel arrangements based on your invite that may no longer be valid and will cost them a lot of money to change.
Why not send out email save-the-dates? Or buy some of those inkjet postcards and print your own? StDs don’t have to be expensive.
Post # 9
I think you can skip both, If you have many out of towners or people with busy schedules, you can always drop them a line or an email to tell them your date, without sending a formal card.
Post # 10
We chose not to do save the dates for money reasons, and no engagement announcement or party here! We actually haven’t even sent out invitations yet which is kind of freaking me out since we’re less than two months out from our wedding! Eeekk! They have been picked though and I’m just waiting on a proof! Hopefully they can be out in the next two weeks!
Post # 11
I see no need for engagement announcements, but invites 6 months in advance is really early. I received an invite to a wedding I knew was coming (I had received a STD) about 5-6 months in advance and thought it was strange they’d send an invite so early, especially after sending STDs.
I ordered STDs online with a coupon code at WeddingPaperDivas and they were around $100. IMO, STS are worth it, especially if you will have OOT guests.
Post # 12
@11mikesgirl21: Not only can you skip save-the-date cards and engagement announcements, if you aspire to proper traditional etiquette you should skip them. They are a little attention-seeking, and make you appear just a little bit needy.
It is quite proper to announce your engagement in the newspaper, as that suffices to give notice to traditional hostesses of your acquaintance that from now on if they invite one of you to an event, they must also invite the other. The non-traditional hostesses will get that message when you update your facebook status. In addition for those people you feel especially close to, whom you would hate to have miss your wedding, you can send a personal note. In the olden days (like, ten or fifteen years ago) we would have hand-written that note on paper and sent it in an envelope with a stamp, but nowadays you may choose to send it by email or private message as long as it is an individual message and not a mass mailing.
“Engagement parties” are also an untraditional innovation. What used to happen, when people entertained on a regular basis just for the pure fun of having a social life, was that at some party given by someone close to you before your engagement announcement was printed in the paper, the host took the opportunity to announce your engagement verbally to the assembled guests. Also in those days, your relatives would routinely invite your fiance’s relatives to dinner, and vice versa, to get to know each other and to show support for your wedding. None of these things were called “engagement parties” and they were obviously NOT gift-giving occasions, but they served a gracious purpose. They still do, for that matter, in the small circles where people still practice traditional social forms — and your small family barbecue sounds like a nice example of that old-fashioned hospitality.
Post # 13
Please don’t send invitations 6 months out.
Yes, you can skip STDs and engagement announcements. Anyone who really MUST be at the wedding (parents, siblings, etc,) will hopefully have found out the date long before the invitations anyhow. Otherwise, the *reason* for STDs is for people to reserve the date who want to…. they will likely lose an invitation that is sent 6 months in advance, so what’s the point!?