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Yes, it would be pretty rude. You really can't tell people what or what not to wear, unless it's a matter of "black tie"!
White doesn't seem unreasonable (although it also doesn't really need to be said I don't think). Black does seem a bit unreasonable because a lot of people wear black suits or "little black dresses" and they might need to go buy new clothes if they can't wear that. Is there a reason that you don't want people to wear black?
I'm thinking that stipulating what guests can wear might be a little off-putting to them. I absolutely understand why you don't want them to wear white to the wedding, but why not black? I've been to several weddings where black has been worn and it wasn't a huge deal. I think it's more widely accepted to wear black to weddings now...
I think you will be putting added stress on yourself by asking people not to wear certain colors (esp. black)
I could just imagine you getting a hundred phone calls/emails saying why not?? And, "can I wear brown or this color or that?"
Seems like unnecessary stress to add to your plate :)
I don't think it's rude. It's your day and I have seen a dozen wedding shows where the bride has made similar requests. I personally don't know if I want people to wear black to my wedding because my BMs will be wearing black.
@AnnieAAA: I had to laugh at your reply. "I could just imagine you getting a hundred phone calls/emails saying why not?? And, "can I wear brown?"" made me totally crack up. I think you're right.
We don't really care for black and white. Color is so much more fun and warm and inviting. Black and white are just not our thing and don't fit with the scheme of the day. We're trying our best to make sure nothing is black or white at all.
We received an invitation from a friend for her wedding where it said, right on the invite, "Please join us in our special day in black and white cocktail attire." So I was just curious if it was fine to say something to the opposite on the website (not important enough for the invite).
I guess I have my answer. :) I don't want to be rude! This is why I asked here.
If there are cultural reasons, then I think it's okay to respectfully request. Other than that, yeah I think it would be a bit rude.
ETA: oop, just saw your post. Glad it's all worked out!
@MissHelen: I'm glad you responded anyway. I like hearing the opinions of other people. It's great to get a mixed reaction from strangers because sometimes your friends and fam will just say whatever they think you want to hear, right?
Why not say something about wearing color? Try to come up with a cute saying that suggests you want colored attire instead of saying not black and white. I can't think of anything right now, but something that has to do with "wearing ___ ____ ___ in order to help brighten our day".
I think your reasoning is great for not wanting black and white and telling your guests that instead of saying "please don't wear black and white" would come off less rude. You still might get guests wearing black/white, but you might avoid those awkward phone calls about what's aloud.
I think it's a little too controlling and puts an extra bother on the guests. Plus you are going to get someone who doesn't get the memo and will show up in black. And i am sure once there they would find out they weren't suppose to and could be embarrassed!
I like SandDollar's idea too! Something like, "Help to keep our day bright by wearing a bright color!"
I find that much less offensive than "Please refrain from wearing black or white." Telling people what the can't do tends to make them want to do that more. When you subtlely suggest them to do something instead, they're more apt to do that.
It would be hilarious to show up after telling people not to wear those colors and see a sea of black dresses and suits at the ceremony.
I would laugh. :)
I have a pretty good sense of humor about everything and wouldn't really care if people didn't get the memo. But it would be nice to have a sea of bright faces and colors around the wedding. :) My heart would soar to see all of my fam + friends in yellow, green, blue, purple, pink.. even grey! <3
@SandDollar: Great idea! Maybe this is the ticket. That was helpful, thank you.
@2PeasinaPod: I agree with you. :) Totally. Love the wording you came up with as well. Thanks girlfriend.
Yeah, I agree with SD. In my culture, we do wedding colors and we do it to the max. All you have to do is tell them your wedding colors and they color coordinate. It's really pretty. I will be putting it on the invites and it will be a riot of colors. Can't wait.
I don't think it's proper to tell guests what they cannot wear. Black is actually more common in weddings now, so you may get some raised brows.
Not wearing white is generally still considered a 'no-no' color, even though it's trickling off, but I think the rule is common enough to not have to remind guests.
SandDollar is spot on. You can encourage what guests can wear, but not discourage.
I was going to say the same thing as SandDollar. If it's really super duper important for you guys to have the day be colorful I would try and find a way of asking people to wear color instead of telling them what not to wear.
You could try something like,
"Join us for the most colorful day of our life!" or "Help make our day truly beautiful with lots of bright colors"
I'm sure there's a better way of putting it but you get the idea :)
It's really not cool to ask people to wear colors just because you like them better. Good etiquette would dictate that as a hostess, you should be more concerned about your guests' comfort then the way they look in pictures.
Honestly, as a guest I'd find it offputting, and it would make me less likely to attend an event if there was a restriction on the color I was allowed to wear.
Edited to say I just now realized you worked this out. You made the right choice! :)
@canadianbacon: No problem! Glad I could help
It is always considered bad manners to dictate what guests wear. If your venue has a certain mandatory dress code (most do not), then you can say something, but otherwise you can't.
Don't do it. The other poster who pointed out that a hostess's job is to make her guests comfortable and at ease was correct. As bride, you are hostess.
Years ago I was contacted by a bride (distant family) about a family member's choice of clothing color. I was not comfortable at that wedding. It definitely affected my recollection of that wedding, and not in a good way.
Certainly you can engage close family members in discussion in a jovial way, but otherwise just smile and deal.
I agree with previous posters that saying "no black" will probably leave a negative taste in your guests mouths.
Our dress code (spread by word of mouth) was "no ties". Even though it told people what NOT to wear, I think all of the guys really appreciated it!
Honestly, I'd be super annoyed if I saw this sort of request. I know that its your big day and all but just because you guys don't like black and white I don't think you can ask people not to wear that.
I agree, as hostess you should make things easy for your guests. I know you spend a lot of money on the wedding but guests spend a lot on gifts and travel arrangements. Dictating an unneccessary dress code may alienate people. My go to dress for weddings is black with teal waist. I don't want to buy another dress, they're expensive. And even if I could find another cheap non-black dress I'd hate to waste an afternoon doing so.
In general, I think a bride should make dressing for the wedding as easy as possible. I think costumed weddings are annoying to guests (i.e. Renaissance or other period) and I also get annoyed when otherwise casual people throw white tie affairs. If you come from a family that wears tuxes a couple times a year then go for it. But please don't demand every male rent a tux too. This color request is along the same lines in my book.
Also, what if someone doesn't see it on the website and they wear a black dress. Then they get to the ceremony and have other people tell them "ooh, the bride asked people not to wear black" AWKWARD.
Since everyone has basically covered the etiquette part of this, I need to mention the practicality:
Most men's clothing does not have many options aside from white, khaki, grey, and black for pants and suit jackets (and various shades in those areas). You'd have quite a few men struggling to figure out what they're going to wear, especially on their legs. Is khaki too close to white? Dark grey too close to black?
Most guys don't have a go-to colorful suit.
I get very annoyed when people start giving me a lot of rules and restrictions before attending an event. It makes me feel like they care more about me fitting into their decor and photographs than about me being there as a guest. Especially because NOT wearing black and white are commonly held beliefs about wedding attire, I would suggest against reminding people of something that they likely already know.
you're losing touch with what a wedding is all about. if you put that many restrictions, people will just be bitching about you behind your back. if you want fun and a great atmosphere, chill out hun!!
I usually buy 1 or 2 dresses at the beginning of the season that are wedding appropriate.There is a pretty good chance that they are black, navy or grey. I don't buy bright colors. To be told to get a bright colored dress would be similar to asking me to wear a costume.
Honestly, on your wedding day, I doubt you will notice what anyone is wearing.
Also keep in mind that you cannot forbid women from wearing black when the majority of men's tuxes and suits are black, which are not considered inappropriate when a man wears them. Yet the chauvenistic double standard exists when a woman does, in which case she's supposedly committing the biggest faux pas next to wearing a copy of the bride's dress in white. However for other formal special occasion events, black is the "expected" color for women to wear and isn't offensive or inappropriate in that setting. A wedding is no different.
I am asking our guests to wear royal/cobalt blue. I had bead bracelets made with the color I am hoping they will wear. I figured if they had the color when they went shopping it would be easier. Will be interesting to see how many do. Of course my guest list is less than 30.
I think it's fine to ask them to wear festive attire. I live in Pennsylvania too, and I know that social dress circles can be very interesting. A friend of mine now lives in the D.C. area, but got married here in springtime. The group from D.C. was noticibly dressed because they all wore little black dresses. Everyone else had on festive spring colors. I told another friend about it, and her comment was... why would they wear that...aren't they happy about the marriage? I knew the D.C. friends were very happy about the wedding, but to another person, the wearing of black can mean disapproval!
FWIW, my brother and SIL did exactly this. My SIL is a very excited, happy person in general, and basically put on their wedding website that the theme of the wedding is "crazy, fun, carnival" with everyone wearing bright colors, or a zoot suit, or whatever they liked (one guy DID show up in a hot pink zoot suit, which was hilarious). I think it's fine to say in the spirit of 'fun' people are requested to show up in something bright. We, the 'bridal party' and the 2 moms were required to wear red/orange/pink, but the guests were just requested. It worked out great :)
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Looking to get some opinions on whether or not it would be rude to ask guests, via our wedding website, to refrain from wearing black and/or white to our wedding. I know this may sound like an odd request--which I agree it certainly is--but would it be rude? Thoughts?