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Alright, so yesterday I spend a good part of the day talking to my FI's cousin's husband. They have been maried for almost 7 months and have a 1 year old and another child on the way. Yesterday while we were talking we spent quite a few hours talking about sex and what we liked that our SO's don't and visa versa. There was no mention of us wanting to sleep with each other though he did mention that he thinks I'm "smokin hott!" Other than that it was just like the conversations I had with other guy friends when we were both single. Thinking about it now, I wonder if his wife or my FI would consider it cheating. He said what size breasts he likes (which I happen to fall in his range) but other than that we didn't talk about each others bodies and just left it as a casual conversation.
I know that I don't see anything happening between us and think of it as a fun way to get to know a friend...I just wonder about other people. He said it was exciting to tell me I was hott and I made a point to tell him that if he ever tried to cheat on his wife (my FI's cousin) that I would be mad at him and possibly hunt him down and hurt him to which he replied that he would never do such a thing but was having fun just talking about things we normally wouldn't. We both know that cheating is out of the question and talking about it just made me feel like I was back in high school talking to my guy friends before I met my FI. In this case, we were both specifically mentioning our SO's and stopped talking so he could go watch a movie with his wife and son and so I could feed my baby and make my FI dinner.
Would you consider that cheating or not? We don't but I want to see how many do.
Not cheating but totally inappropriate and disrespectful. You're family members; you do not discuss cheating or how "hott" you think the other one is.
I wouldn't call it physically cheating, but I wouldn't call it appropriate, either. If you think it would upset your FI or your cousin's wife, I would stop. Personally, I would consider it disrespectful. If I heard my FI talking like that to another woman, I would want to re-evaluate our relationship boundaries.
ETA: I was trying to be calm in this post, but I think I was perhaps a little too zen. If I heard FI talking like that to another woman, I would want to kill him. I'm non-violent, but I would still want to!
it's totally inappropriate.
you don't need to talk about what your spouse likes -- that belongs in the marriage bed. and the comment he made about you being "hott" is gross.
@ohheavenlyday: ditto!
Totally inappropriate. Would you be ok with your FI telling another girl that he thought she was smoking hot and describing how much he likes cup size X, which just so happens to be her cup size? Not cool in my book.
I don't think it is cheating but definitely dangerous behavior that could lead to cheating. Though you may not consider it bad and say it is just playful, there is a reason you posted it here instead of asking your FI. I think it is inappropriate and though cheating is out of the question for you now, who knows with further prodding what could come of conversations like that. I know that if my FI ever found out that I was having a convo like that he might be a little cautious but it would be all over once he knows the guy said i was smoking hot! And I would be pissed if he were that inappropriate if someone I knew was having a conversation like that with my FI and more so because FI was allowing it to continue!
I'm going to have to agree whole-heartedly to the PP's. The conversation should have never happened and the fact that it did is completely inappropriate and 120% disrespectful. If you don't think it's wrong in any way, why post it on wedding bee asking what we think? Or for that matter, why even discuss it with your FI's cousin's husband?
How would you feel if you knew your FI was having conversations like this with another woman? Married or not? And be honest with yourself. Because to me, seems like you were enjoying this conversation and all it's comments a little too much.
Ugh, same; if FH's brother told me I was smoking hott and his preferred cup size is, like mine, a -A (LOLOL) I'd be so grossed out.
Totally inappropraite in my book. What I like and don't like IMO is between my DH and I and I don't feel he or anyone else should be discussing that. Sorry, I don't get to know my friends that way...
Agreed with pps. Not cheating, but disrespectful yes, very. When in doubt, I always stop to take a look at it from DH's perspective, or in this case even from the cousins' wife's. Even if there was no concern over infidelity for them, I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate their sexual limitations or dislikes being discussed out of context and openly with people who really have no need or business to know this.
Not cheating. Inappopriate, [as you are family], disrespectful towards your spouse.
It isnt cheating but that doesnt make it wrong. It is really inappropriate and disrespectful (as PPs have said) to be having this conversation with another man, especially one that is so close to you (aka your freakin future husbands COUSIN IN LAW) Its not that hard to realize that this conversation should not be had with a member of the opposite sex. I dont care if its your best friend in the world who happens to be a guy - its not okay!!
Here is a good gauge for you....
Would you two engage in this EXACT same conversation in front of your SOs? Highly doubt it!!! Completely disrespectful.
@ohheavenlyday: Oh my God. I mean really!? I would have a mini-gross-out-break-down and then immediately tell FI about all the creepy mc-creepiness that just took place! I was almost pissed in her FI's defense!
And after reading OP's previous threads, I don't think this is the first time things like this have crossed her mind. Hence the screen name.
I completely agree with PPs. When I got to the part in the post about him saying the OP was "smokin' hott" I literally went "Ew!" That's so inappropriate, and I question why the OP liked this line of conversation.
Any chance this is the potroast lady again?
If I heard my fiance in a conversation like that, I would be devastated and probably call off the wedding. And I KNOW he would feel the same about me. It's not "cheating," but it's not ok unless you and your partner have an explicit agreement that such things are allowed.
I don't know why this post has me fired up, but I just had a thought....
Tell your FI about this conversation and see how he feels about it? I would place a bet that he will see things a lot differently than you.
from what you say, it sounds a little more like flirting than talking, in which case it's more like cheating, since he talked about you specifically, though still not exactly cheating. i don't think talking about sex in general terms is necessarily inappropriate--for example, if the convo is totally platonic, meaning you don't say anything about being attracted to that person. but it doesn't sound like your convo was platonic.
Ew. That is an incredibly inappropriate conversation to be having with anyone other than your SO/FI/DH. It's even more inappropriate because you're about to be family. It's just bad all around. His wife would be mortified and your FI would be hurt and pissed if they ever found out that the two of you were talking to each other like that.
I didn't vote in the poll because I don't believe it's "cheating" per se. However, it's really bad. How would you feel if you looked at your FI's phone and saw that he had been having that conversation with another girl? I imagine you'd feel like a steaming mound of crap. Is that how you want to make him feel?
Well not cheating but defintely inappropriate. I think you already knew that though or you wouldn't be questioning it/us yourself. It's the way things start that don't need to happen.
I agree with the pp. It is not technically cheating I guess, but def wrong. This is blatant flirting and seems to be cheating where it would lead. I would be very upset, crushed, and extrmemely hurt if my FI did that to me.
@lilmiss26: I feel the same way. I can't stop from coming back to this post. I really would like to hear what OP has to say.
"Yesterday while we were talking we spent quite a few hours talking about sex"
HOURS!
"Thinking about it now, I wonder if his wife or my FI would consider it cheating."
"Would you consider that cheating or not? We don't but I want to see how many do."
Does it matter what we think at this point??? What would your FI think? He's the one who matters.
Gross. Just gross. No it's not technically cheating, OP (which I'm sure you already know), but it's just about the closest thing. I'm sorry but if you are looking for validation I don't know that you'll find it here. What you two talked about was totally disrespectful to your spouses, and the fact that you seemed to have enjoyed it so much is not a harbinger of good things for your relationship with your FI. I would have been totally creeped out in this situation...maybe you should evaluate why you were not.
Wow. This was a VERY inappropriate conversation!! Had you had it with FI's cousin (female), it would've made a whole world of difference. OR if FI and his cousin were present, it would've been way different.
I think both of ya'll crossed a line. And I wouldn't call it cheating, but you shouldn't do anything behind FI's back that you wouldn't do in front of his face!
@Mrs.tobe: I know. It's like a train wreck.
It's women/men like these that need to have their moral compass reset. I just don't get it and would like to show those kinda people what a good ol' Texas butt whoopin' looks like. UGHHH
sorry i have to ask another question - why are you even having such long conversations with him?????????????????????????????
Was the dinner she fixed for her FI when she got off the phone pot roast??
@lilmiss26: I'd be willing to wager if OP had this done to her in the past, her tune wouldn't be quite so jolly.
I'm going to put this on here, though maybe I should have done so originally. My FI talked about this stuff TO HIS DAD while I was sitting there blushing. He later said that it was because he wanted me to feel more open about this stuff and not be so embarrassed about it and his cousin talked openly about it at their baby shower while her DH wasn't around (it was a girls only shower) so I don't think they would be mad about it considering they feel free to talk openly about it in front of family and friends.
He is happy in his marriage and I am happy to be getting married to my FI. I am not attracted to this guy in any way. What started the conversation was him saying he just woke up on his in-laws couch and couldn't stand up because they were in the room and they had a clear view even with his clothes on so I tried to make him feel better about it. It slowly lead to other topics of the conversation including that I'm wanting to try somthing new with my FI on our honeymoon but he always changes the subject when I ask what he wants and that since I don't watch porn I don't know of anything to try. To us it was just a fun conversation.
LOL talking about your OWN sex life to your girl friends or your dad is totally different than having your SO talk about your sex life with someone of the opposite sex. Your addendum didn't really help your case. It's inappropriate, point blank.
What exactly did his in laws have a view of that made him unable to stand up after his nap?
@confused24: Wow. Seriously? Did you read your original post?
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